60: How to be Confident in Your Decision

Episode 60-Why we don't decide and why we should decide.mp3

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast, I'm your host, business life coach Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career. And best of all. Live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up.

[00:00:57] Let's do this.

Speaker1: [00:01:12] Hey, time to level up, listeners, welcome back to the podcast, and today I am going to try to record a podcast with about half of a voice I have been holding off in recording thinking that this voice would come back, but it hasn't. So here we go. We're just going to try it this way. And today's topic is one which I feel very strongly about as a foundation from which to create growth, to eliminate, overwhelm, to get control of your life, to start doing things that align with your goals. And I think it's an appropriate topic for the month of January. It is a topic that we are diving deep into inside, committed to growth. My coaching program for women, we're spending actually the whole month of January talking about confident decisions. If we can't make confident decisions, then we can't create any change. We actually sometimes can't even sustain what we already have. So decision making is really powerful, and it allows us to create what I like to call a runway to freedom, and you get to define freedom as how you want to define it. It doesn't mean free, like escaping responsibilities, it can mean free to make the choices that you want to make and not feel guilty. It can mean free from overwhelm. It can mean free from trying to people please, and it can mean free from your past. You get to define what freedom is for you. So that is a topic that we are talking about.

Speaker1: [00:03:20] I talk about with all of my clients all the time. How can you align all aspects of your life so that they align with your goals? It's hard to just focus on one thing at a time, even though we say we should be focusing on one thing at a time, right? It's really hard to do that. So how can you make decisions that bring together what your goals are in terms of health and wellness, work related, family related, how can you make decisions? That help you move forward in all aspects of life. So I welcome you to come join us inside, committed to growth this month, if this is something that you've been searching for. How can you create some change in twenty twenty two? I think it starts with confident decisions, which is why I am starting with this topic this month. Ok, so today on the podcast, here's what we're going to do. First, we're going to talk about why we don't make confident decisions or don't make decisions at all. I'm going to give you five reasons, and then I am going to give you four reasons why we should make confident decisions. Ok, and I want you to think about this as it relates to you and the decisions that you're making are not making. So let's dig in. So here we go, number one, why don't we make decisions? Well, we don't make decisions because our brain wants instant gratification.

Speaker1: [00:05:10] It doesn't like being challenged, right? And so oftentimes we will say to ourselves, Well, I don't really feel like this. Ok. Your brain doesn't feel like doing whatever you have planned at that time or your brain doesn't feel like making a decision, it wants instant gratification, which means it wants things to be simple and easy and efficient and comfortable. And comfort is providing that instant gratification. The comfort of not making the decision of not committing to something is actually pretty comfortable. Ok, I just actually had this discussion about the name of my group coaching committed to growth, and someone said to me, maybe I'm not ready to commit to growth, I'm comfortable where I am now. So while though it sounds enticing, sounds good, sometimes I'm just not ready to do that. Because when you commit to growth, there is no instant gratification. Right, it is much more gratifying or satisfying. So your brain thinks to stay just where you are. So reason number one is that we don't make decisions is because we would love instead to have instant gratification. Ok, here's the second reason that we don't make decisions. Our brain loves to indulge in confusion. Ok. And I have talked before on the podcast about indulgent emotions and confusion. Being one of those indulgent emotions, we spend lots of time in the I don't know, I don't know how to do something. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I want to do.

Speaker1: [00:07:14] And the problem with staying there, is it staying in always indulging in confusion is that you never get any forward momentum and it feels important. Being confused kind of feels important. It sounds like you're contemplating you're weighing all your options, it feels. And it kind of sometimes feels like we need to be confused for a while. But confusion, honestly is always indulgent and it really doesn't serve you. It is not a useful feeling and it doesn't serve a higher purpose, and it certainly doesn't help the world out when you are in confusion. Ok, but your brain thinks being in confusion could be important because it means then you're being smart and you're weighing all your options. But not really what's smart is making a decision one way or the other. Which brings me to number three. There is no wrong decision. Ok, there are no wrong decisions. We only think that they could be wrong. Right, because sometimes we'll say, yeah, I mean, what I did last Christmas, that was the wrong decision or marrying this guy. That was the wrong decision or sending my kid to XYZ school. That was a wrong decision or starting this business. That was the wrong decision or taking the new job. That was a wrong decision. Spending money was the wrong decision. But there is no such thing as a wrong decision. How many times have you heard someone say, Yeah, I just don't want to make the wrong decision making, the wrong decision is just a thought.

Speaker1: [00:09:05] Making the wrong decision or the potential to make the wrong decision only comes from your thoughts. Ok. The decision that you actually make is a fact. You decided to spend the money. But you have thoughts about that decision that's in that place, that's when you decide whether it's right or wrong. All right, the decision itself isn't right or wrong, you have thoughts about the decision that make it right or wrong. And I want to offer you a different thought when you are tempted to go down the path of I don't want to make the wrong decision. What if you thought that everything truly did happen for a reason? It's not just cliche. What if you thought that everything truly did happen for a reason and the decisions that we make really? Create. The cobblestones on our path or our journey. And we need to honor the path that we've created, because that is the path that is happening for a reason. So what makes a decision wrong? Is only your thinking that it's wrong. There is no such thing. As a wrong decision, I know that is a crazy, crazy concept to grasp. So next time you catch yourself, I don't want to make the wrong decision. I want you to ask yourself the decision. Is the decision your thought about, it makes it right or wrong? Ok, next. Number four. As to why we don't make decisions, No four is us telling ourselves we need to think about it.

Speaker1: [00:11:07] So why we don't make the decision is because we give ourselves too much time to think about it. Ok, now when someone says to me, I need to think about it, I always come back at them and say, Well, what exactly are you thinking about? Usually they don't really have such great answers, they might say, well, I'm thinking about whether or not this decision is right or wrong or I'm thinking about whether or not I should say it or not, say it or I'm thinking about whether or not I should spend the money or not. Ok. When we give ourselves time to think about it. Remember, our brain is going to go back to trying to receive instant gratification, trying to play it safe, trying to be comfy. And what happens? Ninety nine percent of the time when we quote unquote think about it is that our brain does exactly what it's supposed to do. It starts protecting us in thinking of all the reasons why we should not do something. Because our brain is programed by that motivational triad, making things easy, efficient and safe. Decisions are never easy, efficient or safe, because inherently in making a decision, you are creating a change. Ok. What we do in coaching. What I help people do most of the time is make decisions and I don't make the decisions for them. I don't tell them what to do. I just guide them in making the decision for themselves, and I help them see what their brain is doing their brain.

Speaker1: [00:12:52] The brain likes to play tricks on us. So if you're even contemplating the decision, whatever's involved in the decision, that means there's some part of your brain that thinks it's a possibility that it might be OK. It might be OK. Chances are you haven't done it before, or this is a new decision and it doesn't think it's safe because it's never done that before. So it will fall back on not doing it, but what I love to do is I like to sometimes say, will the real Andrea please stand up? Do remember that song? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? So I like to say, let's not listen to that little voice in the back of your head. That's giving you all the reasons not to do something. Let's listen to your prefrontal cortex, which has been given the gift of making decisions and will the real you please stand up and decide. Ok, so number four is that we give ourselves too much time and number five. I think is very interesting. It's it's thinking, I want you to think about this, sometimes we don't make a decision because we're not really committed. We are just kind of interested. All right, now, this morning, I met with someone and she told me I really need to clean out my basement. And I just don't know why I haven't done it.

Speaker1: [00:14:16] I've had all week and I just haven't gone down and tackled that basement. And I said to her, Well, could it be that you're just sort of interested in cleaning the basement? But you're not committed. But you're not committed. All right, but I want you to think about this, there's so many things that we're interested in, but we're not committed and when we're only interested. We don't make a decision. Because making decisions can sometimes put us in the place of the unknown. So when she starts cleaning that basement, it could lead to 20 other projects, right? So that kind of in and of itself creates a little doubt. When she starts cleaning that basement, she's going to be using her time in that way, not doing something else in her brain is going to say, Shouldn't you be doing something else? So until she commits to the fact that she's going to walk downstairs and start cleaning the basement, she really is only in a state of being interested. So. Think about this. There's lots of things that we can be interested in versus being commitment committed. Commitment is defined as feeling dedication and loyalty to a cause, activity or job. Whole heartedly dedicated. Wholeheartedly dedicated. I love that. That is all in my friends, wholeheartedly dedicated intellectually, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Most people commit to things, but it's only kind of an intellectual commitment like it sounds good. But they're not all in. And then they have every reason or excuse why things don't happen in their life.

Speaker1: [00:16:21] That is the person that isn't committed, only interested. And I want you to imagine what would your life be like if you actually lived up to your commitments? What kind of relationship would you have with your significant other? What kind of relationship would you have with your work or your coworkers or the people you serve? What kind of opportunities would you create for yourself if you were wholeheartedly committed? And how would that make you feel about yourself? I'm going to say. That you would start to feel amazing. Kate, now there can be another side of this, and especially this comes around this time of year when we're creating goals. Ok. There is something to be there's the other side of this which is overcommitting, OK, and that's one path that will lead to misery for you and everybody else. Ok, but if you can choose to be wholeheartedly committed and extraordinarily committed to a few things versus being kind of committed or good enough at everything because you're overcommitted, you are going to make a difference. All right. So those were our five reasons. The brain wants instant gratification. The brain likes to indulge in confusion. The brain thinks there's going to be a wrong decision. The brain wants to think about it. And lastly, we're not really committed. We're just interested. So today I sent out a an email and I actually didn't really realize that this email that went out today is kind of related to this topic.

Speaker1: [00:18:09] So if you're not on my email list, first of all. Head over to my website and click on the contact page and send me a message or dmy on Instagram or message me on Facebook or LinkedIn. Let me know you want to be on the email list and I will put you on there. So this morning's email, I'm just going to read it to you because I think it really is telling about this same topic of why we don't make decisions. I've never, ever had someone tell me that they want it to take a long time. No one ever tells me they want it to take a long time. But I have had women tell me. That I want X, but I'm not sure it's the right time. Or my kids are little and they need me. My kids are big and they need me. I'm really busy taking care of my family. I don't have much free time. I need to keep working at my job to support us. We're in the middle of a big move. I'm just not confident enough yet. I need a certificate or degree before I start. These are all reasons why it can't happen now. Why you can't decide to make it happen now. Does this sound familiar? I want you to know this. When you decide you want a business or a job or to lose twenty five pounds or to get to yoga twice a week, or to read three books a month, or to make multiple six figures or to spend more time with your kids and husband, you're going to tell me that you want that as soon as possible.

Speaker1: [00:19:55] I never, ever had anyone tell me that they want those things to take a long time. So if you think you're going to want that in the future, you must begin working on it right now. If you're going to do X and insert your thing without going into huge amounts of debt, sacrificing time with your family, putting your own self-care on the back burner, you'll need to start on that journey long before you need to be at the destination. You need to decide now because it's going to take some time to get there. Do you want to know when the best time is to begin? It's right now, it's time right now to think about your future self and what you'll want or need in the future. There will never be a better time than now to decide. How to get there. And I can help you. Let's go. Here's how so so that was the email I sent this morning, and it really does have to do with not making decisions and why we don't make decisions. We think we need more time. It's not the right time. We have other responsibilities. What if it's the wrong decision? All the things, all the things, right? That is why we don't make decisions.

Speaker1: [00:21:23] So I want to end today's podcast with the four reasons why to make a decision. Being decisive, first of all, it's a privilege of us being human, you do not see dogs outside having meetings, making decisions, right? They don't have this privilege of a pre-frontal cortex that can do that. And when we use our humanness, our God given gifts to the fullest, that is when life gets interesting, when we decide. Is when life gets interesting. So here are four reasons. No one making the decision, it actually saves us time. You don't waste any more time, but when you are taking time to think about it, for example, making the decision actually to stay in a place of limbo in limbo costs us time, which is one of our most valuable resources in really postpones progress in not making a decision. Is the decision in and of itself? So this morning, her not going down to clean the basement or just thinking about it? That was a decision in and of itself that was costing her time and keeping her in limbo. When you don't make the decision, you're really deciding to stay in a place of confusion and doubt and fear when if you made the decision, whether you're going to clean or not clean, you would have been so far ahead. Because think about if she decided she wasn't going to clean the basement. Think of all the other things she could be doing.

Speaker1: [00:22:59] So no one, why do you should you make a decision? Because it saves you time and that's one of your most valuable resources. Number two, it increases your action. We are not taking enough action towards the things we want. We have um, and we ha and we say we're confused. But what we are really doing is not contributing to the world. We are not putting our contribution out there into the world. And this can come down to even working out. If you are not taking the action of committing to and deciding to work out, for example, you are not contributing to the world in as much with as much potential as you could because you are not creating that healthier version of yourself. We can commit to the world in a more meaningful way. If you increase your action, then you become a 100 percent contributor. When you don't decide, OK, you consume more of things, you consume more food, you consume more alcohol, you consume more brain power. All of that when you could have been spending that brainpower on something else to make up for the fact. That you haven't made the decision. Ok, if you make the decision, the brain power goes towards something that's purposeful if you don't make the decision. You're getting your energy sucked out in a different way. It's not until we make the decision that we can start taking action. Ok, so it's not. Until we make the decision, we say, yes, I'm going to hire the trainer, yes, I'm going to move, yes, I'm going to start coaching.

Speaker1: [00:24:46] It's not until then that we take action in. The same can be said for making the decision of No, no, I'm not going to move, so I'm going to learn to love this place even more. No, I'm not going to go on the trip so I can have more time at home. Even know the decision of no creates movement, so when we start taking action. Is when we've made the decision, and that's when we show up in a better way. I see this all the time with coaching. When people make the decision to engage in coaching, they make tons of progress before we even meet for the first time. Just the fact of having made the decision levels them up, creates them some action, puts them into a state of action, and that leads us to number three, why to make a decision. It increases your growth. It expands your experiences. Ok, so increases our growth. Think about it when we make a decision and show up with that decision made. We grow. Pretending we're confused it doesn't trigger any growth. And then this leads me to the last reason why you should make the decision. It increases your confidence when we make a decision and we get out of the I don't know. Our confidence increases, our insecurity goes away. Think about when you're confused or doubting or debating.

Speaker1: [00:26:14] Then think about when you've made the decision. What's a decision right now that you can't make that you're stuck on? Ok, once you make the decision, you'll have your own back. You've given yourself a whole new level of confidence. The way that we have to think in order to make decisions and have our own back is the kind of thinking that creates the feeling of confidence. And when you create that feeling of confidence and I've done a lot of podcasts on this. You want to make more decisions. And the more decisions you make, the more you increase your growth. The more you increase your action, the more time you save and the more confidence you have. So here's the last thought I'm going to leave you with decisions. You don't make a decision over time. You make a decision in an instant. Thinking, pondering, debating, discussing. It only seems necessary. But really, all it does is prevent you from making a decision until you make a decision. So a lot of times people say, Oh, I took a month to make that decision, I should have made it sooner. No, you actually made the decision in one minute. You just waited a month before you made it. So do not confuse yourself with this. Decisions are honestly made in a second, and when you keep changing your mind back and forth, you make a decision, you make the decision. That's the opposite of making a decision.

Speaker1: [00:27:58] So I want to encourage you to make a decision and then stop. All other options are off the table. Have your own back follow through. Honor your decision no matter what. I think. I'm a pretty quick decision maker, but there is no such thing as being a quick decision maker. We all make decisions quickly in an instant. What the difference is, someone who would say is a quick decision maker is that I don't go back. I don't change my mind. The only time I do change my mind about a decision is once I've taken action and experienced some growth one way or the other and gotten some more information. Ok. Once I've gotten some more information because I took the decision and I created the action, then I might make a different decision. So a lot of people will make a decision and take a little bit of action and then they get scared and doubtful and they want to go back into confusion like buyer's remorse, right? That's not the same as making a decision and then taking action and then realizing something was not what you wanted and then making another decision. And that decision could be to do something differently, but that's so different than just taking a little action and going back into confusion or doubt or scared. Instead. We want to make a decision, see it through and then make another second decision. Don't go back on yourself, just have your own back on the decision, so to review are for reasons of why you should make a decision.

Speaker1: [00:29:51] Number one, it saves you time. Two, It increases your action. Three, It increases your growth. And four, it increases your confidence. And I think to some, all of this up. What does this do? This whole discussion about decisions? It gives you freedom and energy. To create what you want to create in all aspects of your life. And that's what I hope you do in 2020 to create growth change. In all aspects of your life. So next week we're going to discuss how do you actually make a decision, right? How do you actually do this? So that's why we're going to talk about in the next episode. Now, if this topic is of interest to you, I encourage you to go visit my website. To schedule and apply for coaching, schedule a call and apply for some type of coaching because what we do most in coaching what I do most as I coach my clients is help them make decisions. So here's my bit of coaching to you today. What decision could you make that would allow you to grow, to take action, to have more confidence? What decision has been dangling over your head if you. What decision have you been debating on? Decide decide in this instant, is that a yes or is it a no? And by doing that, you will create so much freedom for yourself. Ok, my friends. Until next week.

Speaker1: [00:31:41] Remember, now is the time to level up, and if you know someone who needs to level up, please share this episode with them. I love it. When you share episodes, that is the best way for us to spread this message and make the world a better place. Take a screenshot. Share it with them in a text or on social. And if you haven't done so already, write a review on your favorite podcast player of this podcast. I'm going to keep bugging you until we get to 100 reviews, so help me get there faster and go do that. If you haven't yet already have an amazing and wonderful week. Decide right now what you can do to create more freedom and growth in your life. Talk to you next week. Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host, Andrea Libros. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Ok, now what about you? You listen to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade you then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living. That upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.