72: How to Stop Living in the Past

Episode 72.mp3

[00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host business life coach, Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly. Gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career, and best of all, live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up. Let's do this. Hey, time to level up listeners. Welcome back to the podcast. I am happy to have you. I hope it is feeling like spring at your house because it's certainly feeling like spring at mine. Today we are going to talk about how to complete the past and the next series of podcasts are all going to be what we experience. What we tend to experience is exactly what we expect. So if we are still living in the past, then what we're going to experience is the past, and the past will never end. But in order to move forward, we need to complete our past. So that's what we're going to talk about today. So we're going to dig right in today. If you are human, you have faced some setbacks, had some problems, maybe even failed in life.

[00:02:12] So here's the good news you are normal. However, when you get stuck in the past, we cannot move forward. And this really happens when we allow old hurts, I'll call them or even previous victories to define our future. It's really important to know that in order to be successful, it is necessary to master your mindset by completing kind of wrapping it up with a little bow. Putting a bow on top. Wrapping up or completing that past. And today I'm going to share with you some questions that you can ask yourself to help you complete the past. But before we get into that, I want to set the stage by asking you to really envision your life as if it were a movie. Now, I have not been in a movie theater in a while. I will admit I've been in live audiences, but I haven't been in a movie theater, so I'm going to be using my imagination too. But imagine you are at a movie theater, you've got your popcorn, all your movie snacks, maybe even you went to one of those movie theaters with the big comfy seats that you have to reserve ahead of time. And you are watching a movie, you're in the middle of it. The movie isn't over yet, but you've got a big screen and this movie.

[00:03:43] It started the day you were born. So there's a lot that's already happened that you've witnessed and just like a real movie. What sometimes happens is that when we're watching this said movie of your life, it would create some emotion in feelings. Sometimes those emotions and feelings that a movie can create are so powerful that they make us laugh or even cry. Right there on the spot. I have been known to cry in movies and I always think, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm crying. I'm not really a crier. And how could this movie make me cry? But. If we look at the movie of your life, there are parts of that movie, too, that have made you cry. And that have made you laugh and smile. So as we go through these questions that you can ask yourself to help move past the past, to help complete the past, or put a little pretty bow on it, as I like to say, I want you to imagine that you are just watching this movie. And is the movie that you're watching of your life? Is it in color? Or is it in black and white? And if it's not in color, why? Why are parts of your movie or the whole movie in black and white? What are you missing? What would happen if it was in color? I remember that I have recorded a podcast and I will put it in the show notes.

[00:05:21] Which one? It is. But it's about overcoming your feelings. And I remember I recorded this podcast in August of 21. I don't know what number it is off the top of my head, but I recorded a podcast that was about the day my daughter started senior year of high school and how I was overcome with emotion and was not expecting it. But see, that was just one little piece in my big long movie and that definitely was in color. And I talked about this in the podcast because when we live our lives in color, we can experience a whole array of emotions. All right. So here we go with the questions that I want you to ask yourself as you're watching your movie. If my life was a movie, what genre would it be? It might be a romance. It might be a comedy. It could be a tragedy. Or maybe it's a mix of several genres. But if we can kind of ask and analyze and decide what genre the movie of our life is in, we can then have an overall framework in place for viewing our lives. It really helps us gain a big picture or a 30,000 foot view picture of our lives. And I think if you ask me this question and I thought about this myself, I might say my my movie, the genre is a drama.

[00:06:53] Okay. Now, next question. Do I like that genre or do I always choose to watch movies in that genre? Is it a comforting genre for me? And I think the answer is yes. There is something about dramas that I do like watching, and maybe if I analyze it a little more, it's because I get to experience my humanness. The whole range of emotions that occur as you're watching a drama. Now. I also love watching comedies, and I think that might be because I love infusing a little humor into things. But as I was preparing this podcast, I thought, Okay, well, what are the major recurring themes of movies? I took this kind of a step further from the genre, and I and I Googled what are the most common themes of movies and why they matter. And here I'm just going to share some with you because I think it's pretty interesting. Some of the most common themes are love. Who doesn't enjoy a good love story. Think about that Titanic. Love in that movie could conquer incredible obstacles. Class divides, disapproving family members in disaster. And it was that love that sparked transformation in the film's character. That's the same that goes for our lives. I sometimes say, What would love do? And when I ask that question, it provides some transformation. So love is one of the most common themes in a movie.

[00:08:28] Here's another one. Human versus technology. So science fiction offers kind of particular opportunities to explore anxieties about technology. Right. So Space Odyssey is a great example. There's a pre history sequence and there's that bone club and an instrument for killing. That Bone Club is an instrument for killing, and it appears as the first major technological breakthrough of our species. But in the future, much of the human interaction we see in that movie has been reduced to long distance communication through screens and computer attempts. So human versus technology is your life or major theme? Technology driven? Does it include places where you've tried to be in another world? All right. Here's another theme, good versus evil. What do you think about that one? It's the main theme in Star Wars and a whole other bunch of movies. And it really is identifiable not only in words, but in actions and visual design. We quickly can see good versus evil. Other themes are perseverance, coming of age, family, drama, justice. So ask yourself if you were watching your movie, what are what's the theme of the movie? Next question What accomplishments make you the most proud so as you're watching your movie? Think across all of the multiple areas of life. In name your biggest wins. Be as specific as possible. And they don't have to be things they accomplishments don't have to be things like degrees on the wall.

[00:10:30] They can be experiences or processes like raising kids. I think this kind of goes back to the thought that all the great stuff in our lives happens during the journey of life. Not once we reach the destination. We're so eager to reach the destination that sometimes we forget that the good things are happening during the journey. So I kind of reflected on this question If I'm watching my movie, what am I most proud of? And I think I've mentioned some of these before on the podcast, but what came to mind was moving to new places in my twenties, not knowing anyone raising two kids, starting three businesses, helping hundreds of women. All these are things I'm super proud of. I'm proud of my degrees, too. But I think I'm more proud of the relationships and person that I have become over the past almost 50 years. So what accomplishments make you the most proud now? Here's the next question that kind of goes with it. What do you feel you should have been acknowledged for but weren't? So this question really exposes the hidden hurts that may never have been acknowledged before. And if we can figure out what we feel like, we should have been acknowledged for but weren't. It makes space for hope and positive connections in the future. This is why looking at the past is so powerful.

[00:12:06] So if I think about what do I feel like I should have been acknowledged for but weren't? I'm going to be brutally honest with you, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way. But being married to someone and being with them as they went through medical school and residency and became a partner in a medical practice in a major metropolitan hospital. That's kind of to me, that was a huge accomplishment because it was hard for me. It was super hard for him, no doubt about it. But being married to a doctor is not all it's cracked up to be. My friends. And there must be a reason that it's not all it's cracked up to be, because there are podcasts out there called Married to Doctors, which actually I've guested on twice. There are so many blogs. There's books written on how to, not how to, but being married to a doctor and what that is. So that's something that I feel like I should get some gold stars for. Believe me, it comes with lots of great things too. But it's it's hard. And I've really had to make peace with that in order to move forward in my life. And that is really part of the work that I did on myself over the last, I would say ten, 12 years. And that really has allowed me understanding why I feel that way.

[00:13:28] It's really allowed me to get go into the next version of myself. So what do you feel like you should have been acknowledged for but weren't? All right. Here's the next one. What disappointments or regrets did you experience? So as you're watching the movie and you're seeing yourself, what disappointments or regrets did you experience? So high achieving women, which you all are, typically have very high expectations. In acknowledging where you let yourself down or where others let you down is vital in order to move forward. So for me, I thought about this. What do I regret? I regret not starting my own coaching business sooner. I regret not leaving my job at worse sooner. That job didn't lift me up. I don't know why I hung on to it. It was really hard for me then in that work environment for those ten years to feel good about anything. And if I did, the goodness was really fleeting and it usually had to do with some accolade. Not at all about how I thought about myself. And I realized that how I thought about myself as a human and as a business owner. The business value I put out there, that's what really mattered and that's what was going to move the needle. So those are just a couple of the things that I regret not doing. What do you regret? What disappointments did you experience? If we can kind of recognize those again, we can move forward.

[00:15:09] All right. Next question. What was missing from the last few years as you look back? What was missing from the last few years as you look back? So this might be, you know, the last little portion here of the movie. What's been missing? What's been missing. And I want you to consider multiple, multiple life domains. So I want you to consider all the spokes of the wheel. Personal growth. Health and wellness. Financial. Career. Relationships. Spiritual. All of those. So what's been missing? It is not so important to find solutions to these missing things as it is to notice the gaps and frustrations and to write them down. Because that's when we can create change. We first have to become aware of them. We can't just go right to the solution. We've got to outline what the problem was. So I thought about this and this was a hard one and I noticed that things that I was writing down had to do with spending time with my kids or my extended family. And again, I thought, Hmm, I spent a lot of time with my family, my kids over the last few years due to COVID. So really what was going on in my head, what I thought was missing was just a story, another mini movie that I was creating over in the next theater.

[00:16:37] I was telling myself that I haven't spent enough time with them or I wish I had spent more time with them. And that's just a story, another different little story. That's like a sub story within my big movie. So what do you think was missing from the last few years? As you look back and here's the last one, what were the major life lessons that you've learned recently? So if you are looking at your movie. What are the major life lessons that you can really just. State. In a few brief words. Things that are like they should be concise and totally honest and kind of sound like pitchy. They should sound like pitches for you. All right. So I thought of this major life lessons. Don't wait for anything or for anyone, because I know what's best for me right now. Here's another one. Fill my life with experiences, not things. Third. There's no such thing as perfect. Whatever I decide is perfect. Number four, everything I ever wanted. Was on the other side of fear. And the last one I came up with was All results are evidence of my thoughts. So those were kind of some of the major life lessons that I've learned. So so to review, remember, we're looking at your life as if it were a movie. And we need to do this because we're looking at the past in order to get to the next section of the movie.

[00:18:20] So what genre is your movie in? Do you like the genre? What were the major recurring themes in the movie? But accomplishments make you the most proud that you watched happen in the movie. What do you feel you should have been acknowledged for but weren't? What disappointments are regrets did you experience? What was missing from the last few years as you look back? And lastly, what were the major life lessons that you've learned recently? Take a minute and think about your life as a movie. Reflect on these questions because they are going to catapult you into the future. And remember, we tend to experience what we expect. So if we expect the past to tell us what's happening in the future. We kind of know what will happen in the future if that is really what our belief is. If we really believe that the past is going to tell us what's going to happen in the future, then the only option we have in creating a different future is to analyze and become aware of what's happened in the past and then consciously create our future. That's why this is so important. Okay, my friends, until next week. Next week, we're going to talk about setting aside your limiting beliefs, because, again, that is something we need to do in order to move into the future.

[00:19:59] Limiting beliefs are kind of like expectations, too. So it's a continuation of this topic. But how do you set aside limiting beliefs? What are limiting beliefs? We're going to talk about that. Have a great week and I will see you next time. And remember, there are other women out there who need this. Can you share this podcast with one person? One person. Who needs to hear this? Send it their way. Share on social tag me. And if you haven't written a review yet, I would greatly appreciate it. Okay. My friends remember it's always time to level up. There's never a better time than right now. Have a great day. Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host, Andrea Libros. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Okay, now what about you? You listen to the podcast and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade you, then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.