69: The Five Mental Shifts That Guarantee Success

You're listening to the Time to Level Up Podcast. I'm your host, business life coach, Andrea Liebross. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly, gain confidence, make your time productive, turn every obstacle into an opportunity, and finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career, and best of all, live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's Time to Level Up. Let's do this.

Hey, Time to Level Up listeners. Welcome back to the podcast. I have been going back over episodes that I think are the most helpful to you, my listeners. The episode I'm going to share with you today is one of them. The message in this episode is that things don't just happen to you. You have to make them happen. You have to go after the life and the business you want and you have to have a bias toward taking some action.

Before I share this rerelease of an older episode, I want to give you a little background, a little info, a few stories that I have, that highlight why, why is it that you have to make things happen? Wouldn't it be amazing if we could just sprinkle some magic fairy dust and things would happen? That would be amazing. I would be all in on that. But that isn't the case.

I had to point that out to three different clients over the past week and I want you to listen to these little mini stories and see where their brain thought things should just be happening a certain way and why, with some coaching and redirection, they realized what they need to do to make it happen.

First one, first little mini story here: I have been working with a client for a while on getting their finances in order. Stay tuned for that because I am going to have a new offering around financial clarity and confidence. But this woman told me that she thinks that everyone else seems to make it on the same salary that she has; coworkers. They're “making it” on this same salary. She said to me, “It just seems so easy for them. Why can't I do it? Why does it seem so challenging to me to figure out finances, how to manage money, how to make decisions around it?”

Here's the thing that I pointed out to her. She has no idea what all the details are of that person's finances or life for that matter. For all we know they have an inheritance, a side gig, or they have a lot of savings. I'm going to bet that it's not so easy for them. But what is easy for them is knowing that they have to take some action.

They know that they've got to make smart decisions in order to live the way they're living, to live with ease because they're making it look so easy in her mind, it looks easy for them. Why isn't it easy for me? Well, guess what? They are making it easy by having clarity and confidence. That's story number one.

Story number two: Another client told me that they want to take more vacations, but they just can't seem to make it happen. At the end of every summer, they wish they had spent their time differently. But between all of their kids obligations, the extended family obligations and their own work obligations, it's just not happening. Basically what they're telling me is it's not happening because of all these external things that are happening outside of them that they have no control over.

Now, if they want to create a life they love, if they want to go on vacation, they have to make it happen. My question to her was, “Are you willing to continue or actually direct your energy into making it happen next summer?” It's so true, we have to make things happen.

Third example: A client who has been trying to buy a piece of property to build on for years, and she thought she had finally figured it out, finally figured out how she was going to make it happen. She had an investor and this was going to solve everything. Well, guess what? The investor dropped out. She was devastated. Devastated. “Why can't this be easier?” she told me. “What is it about me? There must be something about me.”

I challenged her to think about how this investor dropping out might have happened for her, not against her. I've made her think about how she isn't the victim, but rather maybe she just received the best news ever, because now she is going to be forced to get creative and crafty in order to make this house lot purchase happen. No one's going to make it happen for her.

In these three situations, these clients had to switch their thinking and had to borrow some new thoughts. They had to borrow the thought that you can make financial decisions with clarity and confidence. It's possible. They had to borrow the thought that yes, they can go on more vacation, they just have to be willing to work at it, and they had to borrow the thought that maybe this investor not investing was the best thing ever because now she is going to have to get crafty and it is going to push her into new challenges which actually should be welcomed because she's going to gain some new skills.

These clients are on their way to getting exactly what they want and they are borrowing—I love that idea of borrowing a thought—at least one of the five thoughts that I am going to share with you today. As you listen to this episode, I want you to ask yourself which of these five thoughts that I am sharing with you that help you get exactly the life and business you want, which one do you want to borrow?

I want you to consider how, if you were to borrow one or more of these thoughts, would they be in line with your desire to create the freedom you want in your life in business, your true runway to freedom? Sit back, buckle up, and listen in to what was once called, I think, five strategic thoughts but today I'd love to call it how to create exactly the life and business you want.

Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the podcast. We are talking today about going after something and getting it. Now I have struggled with what to name this episode and as of this recording, I have not even decided, so it's going to be a surprise to me just like it's a surprise to you. But the reason I've been struggling with it is that when we go and get something, what we're really doing is creating the life we want which goes along with our theme for this month of creating. Remember, we've talked about creating wealth and now we’re talking about creating a life.

Here's the thing. I noticed in myself and in many of you in the questions that you ask or I even ask of myself, what we tend to think is there is a process, a program, a class, or a way of doing something outside of us that's going to help us create it. Whatever it is to you. It can be so many things.

I'm always trying to use examples to try to teach you these concepts, and some of the examples I use might be a little trivial, it may not seem super important, and other examples might seem more relevant. Some examples are big and ambitious. In the end, it really doesn't matter. I'm going to use all different kinds of examples to help you see the concepts I’m teaching.

As I go through these examples today, some of them you're going to think doesn't apply to me. It doesn't matter. This is a concept I want you to understand. What really it is it's the results that you're trying to achieve in some area of life. This concept applies to you creating that result that you're trying to achieve in some area of your life.

Now, it might be the size of your body, what you want the size of your body to be, how much you want to weigh. It might be how much money you want to have. Those are results. Maybe even behind all that is a business that you want to create or a job you want to get. Maybe the result is a certain relationship or better communication with your child or your spouse. Or maybe the result is you want to get married or be in a relationship of some sort.

Think back to the episode I did with my client, Veronica Tubbs, when we talked about the Wheel of Life, all those different facets of life, they're all important, all aspects of life. The result you're trying to create, the life you're trying to create that you're going after, it can be anything. But as you listen to me in this episode, in this case, I want you to have in mind something that you are trying to create.

Think about one aspect of your life, what are you trying to create in that aspect, in health, wealth, business, relationships, community, what are you trying to create? I'm going to share with you, we're going to talk about five elements that I want you to consider when it comes to going and getting it. Now, my coach, Jody Moore, talks about this and I really found this super powerful.

Let’s dig right in. Number one. Here's the first element, this first thing you need to consider. You are going to have to create the result; it does not just happen. Which is why in the last episode when we talked about creating wealth, and this month we're carrying this creating theme through and continuing to talk about it more inside Committed to Growth, this is a creating process, it doesn't just happen.

We hear stories of seemingly overnight success and we start to think, “Oh, look, it can just happen like it happened to that guy who started that thing in his garage and suddenly it took off and he became a billionaire in the end. Wouldn't that be nice if that could happen to me?”

But what we don't hear are all the details of that story. Everything that came before that point, all of the struggle, all of the challenge, whether they would even label it at this point, if they were looking back, the creator, as a challenge or a struggle, but there must have been some self coaching that had to happen to keep going and not quit in all the hard work and all the rejection and all the failure. We don't really hear about those parts of the story.

Even if we do hear about those parts of the story, many times we block it out. The same way when you're pregnant and you're feeling miserable, and then all of a sudden you're like, “Well, maybe I want to get pregnant again. Maybe I want another baby.” You forget how miserable you were while you were pregnant, most of you.

I might say to my spouse, “Hey, remind me this is the worst thing ever, remind me not to do it again,” but then you've got this baby and you love the baby and you think, “Oh, I should do that again,” and you forget the part of the story where you had to carry around this person for nine months. Even though you know pregnancy as being hard, you block out how terrible it is.

I think that's a beautiful thing. Maybe we're supposed to block out how terrible it was. Women are designed to have babies. But my point is that our brain blocks out the hard part, the rejection part, and we think, “Oh, well if that happened for that guy, it must have been so nice. It must have just happened.” But guess what, it doesn't just happen. You make it happen.

So many people have said to me, “Hey, Andrea, you should write a book.” Well, it's not so easy writing a book. Guess what, it doesn't just happen. I have to make it happen. I will let you know a little secret, I am planning on writing a book. It's in the works. But the number of steps it's going to take to create the book right now to me seems like a lot and I am just in the beginning stages. But I really had to put it out there into the universe in order to even take those first steps of creating.

I told my coach and I told my mastermind, I told some of my clients, and then things started to fall into place in the creation process of a book. But it's not going to happen with the snap of the fingers. It is not like I just got lucky and tripped on success.

Some of you might look at me in my business, those of you who are trying to be coaches or entrepreneurs that are building a business of some sort, and you're like, “Oh, it must be so nice to have that level of success.” I think, “Yeah, it's nice, but it's not like it just happened. I didn't just trip and fall into the niceness hole the right time. I have created this business and I've worked really consistently over and over again at all of the things and made lots of mistakes and been really patient to create this.”

I don't mean this to say that in a way like “I did this. Look how amazing I am”, I'm just saying I had to make it happen. I had to go after it, go get it, and create it. Anything else I want in my future, I'm going to have to create that too. It's not just going to come and happen to me or happen to me very often. We tend to think things are the way they are. But that's not always true.

I will tell you that I just learned that I can take any book out of the library and get it on my Kindle for free. I know I might be behind the times, but I always thought you still had to pay a few pennies for every Kindle download and I’ve resisted getting a Kindle because I didn't need another thing. But Auntie Paula told me while we were watching the Super Bowl a few weeks ago, that in fact, I could download any book to a Kindle for free from the library.

I can create an entire library of books at the drop of a hat for free. I had no idea that was even possible until a few weeks ago. That is amazing. But I have to take the steps to create it. The books don't just appear on the Kindle.

What if there are a lot of things available to us in terms of challenges we're trying to solve and goals we're trying to reach that we're not even considering because we have these blinders on that say “In order to get 10 books on a Kindle, I have to pay for 10 books”? That wasn't true. That's not true, but I didn't even know that. I wasn't even trying to solve the problem of the Kindle. I just blocked it all out until Paula suggested it to me. But I had to be willing to ask questions and try things out.

By the way, here's another thing that my dad taught me. You don't take the first no. For example, this happened to me as a kid, if you ask one ticket taker to let your kid in on your shoulders at a Red Sox game and they say no, then you just go to the next gate and ask the next ticket taker and they may say okay.

My dad always said, “You need to get five people to say no before you decide on something. If five people say no, then maybe it's really a no, but somebody might say yes.” This is a true story. He used to take my brother and I to Red Sox games. There were three humans going in on two tickets. Now mind you, this is like 1982. If you would put my little brother on his shoulders, and I'm older, and I would walk and we would get in on two tickets, I don't think they're going to let that happen in 2022. But that's a great little story.

He had to create the experience of three of us going to the game together with two tickets. I had to create 10 books for free on my Kindle creating a library. It didn't just happen. We have to create things, they don't just happen.

Think about this with whatever you're trying to create in your life. Have you considered that there are ways to achieve your goals that you're not even thinking about right now because your brain doesn't even realize that there are options? Just be willing to question everything and to know that it's not just going to happen, you're going to have to go out and make it happen. That's number one. I spent a lot of time on number one, but here we go to number two.

Number two is you have to be willing to try as many times as it takes to figure something out. Try as many times as it takes. How many times do we say, “Well, how long is it going to take me before this works? If I eat a certain way, and I exercise a certain way, then how long should I expect before I start losing weight? Before I look the way I want to look? How long before I won't feel deprived? How long is it before I start feeling amazing?” In a business, how long is it before I start making money? How long will it take? You have to be willing to try for as long as it takes.

This goes back to being committed to creating the result you want. How long are you willing to keep at it? How many tries will you give it? Whenever you're asking how long it will take, it's because you're not willing for it to take as long as necessary, which is going to put you in this frantic sped up place that really doesn't tend to last very long. What if you were just willing for it to take as long as necessary, and you were willing to have to try as many times as necessary until you figured it out?

I've talked before on the podcast about how I lost 25 pounds and became the 125-pound Andrea before I even got to 125. But here's the thing and I'm going to be honest, the scale today now says I am the 130-pound version of Andrea. But I decided long ago that I was going to work at this for as long as it takes to become the 125-pound Andrea forever. Apparently, I am still going after it. I have to be okay we're still going after it. I am not even exactly sure how it is going to happen but I am willing to work at it until it does.

Adopting this go-getter attitude has made the whole process a lot more fun because I continue to discover things about myself. When I looked at the data, I realized that I cut out dairy during the time when I got 225. Then over the last nine months or so, almost a year, I've added it back in. Maybe dairy isn't for me. But this is just like a science experiment where I'm just collecting data and in order to draw conclusions, I still have to continue to draw data and draw more conclusions.

Now, I'm not going to lie. It was disappointing when I saw the scale at 130 and I realized dairy probably isn't for me and that might be part of the reason. But I'm willing to keep going as long as necessary in order to figure out how to remain 125-pound Andrea. Now in my business, I have noticed that I have to be willing to work at things for as long as it takes. In my relationships, I'm even noticing it even more and more as I get older.

I am willing to keep going as long as necessary until I figure out how to be as healthy as possible and how to have the healthiest possible relationship with food and with people. I am really willing to do it as many times as necessary to go for it until I figure it out. Are you feeling that way about your goal, whatever it is that you're trying to achieve and create?

If you're at the dating stage and you're trying to find a spouse, are you willing to go on as many dates with as many guys as possible or as necessary until you decide to get married? That's what it's probably going to take. Every guy up until the one that you're willing to marry is going to be in a relationship that for the record books didn't work out, but are you willing to stay in the game? Are you willing to keep going and not tell yourself, “Oh, I'm never going to be married. See, this isn't working.”

Of course, it's not working because it doesn't work until it works. It doesn't work until you find that one. That's the way to get it. Be willing to try as many times as necessary to create the relationship you want.

I'm preparing for this episode right after the Super Bowl. Do you think the Bengals will be back out on the field next year for another attempt at the Super Bowl? I bet they will. They're willing to work at it for as long as it takes.

Number three: Be willing to create your own version of success. Now you may be familiar with the concept, which I think I've talked about before, the success triangle. That triangle has three equally-important angles. One is labeled your knowledge, the other your thoughts, and the other your actions. Everybody's triangle, although they have three equally-important parts, have different ingredients in each of those parts.

My version of success is not the same as yours, everybody's version of success is unique. When someone says, “I want to be a life coach like you, Andrea,” which is fabulous, I hope you do become one, but you're going to become your version of a life coach, serving your people in the way you want to do it. Trying to be me isn't going to work out for you, as well as you trying to be you. Create your own version.

When we try to mimic what somebody else is doing, it might work 80% of the time, but the 20%, which is really what's going to pull you over the edge, isn't going to happen. You might be able to mimic or learn from somebody that went ahead of you, I think I'm all for that, definitely learn from others, but know that there's 20% of this but has to be you. It has to be your touch, the way it works for you best because you're always going to be better at being you than being someone else.

Let me give you another example. I am going to share with you that several years ago when my son was applying to colleges, Indiana University Kelley School of Business was the last place he thought he would end up. He knew he wanted to do business, but he was pretty sure he didn't want to go to a Big Ten University with 40,000 students 90 minutes from home. He wanted a smaller liberal arts school farther away. But guess where he is, he's at IU Kelley, and he is thriving.

There are so many reasons that he did end up there that he is there. But what I've found so interesting to observe is that he is creating his own version of success. Every student there is creating their own version too. There are 40,000 versions of success walking around the Bloomington campus. I doubt that any student path is exactly the same, which makes this all so much fun to watch.

The things he thought a few years ago that would define his success have totally changed. He's going to Croatia this month as part of a business in Europe class and who would have thought that that would be happening over a spring break? That wasn't part of his plan, but he is truly creating his own experience as an IU Kelley student. Amazing.

As much as he wishes it were just like you could say there was a formula for how to be a successful college student, do these 10 things and you will have success, there is no formula because there's no numbers 1 through 10 that work for everyone. Maybe numbers one through six work for everybody. But that's not true 1 through 10.

Again, the same thing is true with how you manage your money or create your wealth. Or it's true with your eating plan. It's true with how you discipline your children. It's true how you build a business. It's true about anything you're trying to do. Yes, learn from somebody that came ahead of you. But consider that at max, learning from others is only going to take you 80% of the way and then there's the other 20% that you must be willing to work at on your own, leaning into your own version, which means you have to experiment and try things out to figure it out.

Another last example would be my own website. I am in the process of redoing the entire website and writing copy. What I've realized from working with my copy coach is that I have my own version of copy, like my own sarcasm, so she can write all the copy in the world for me, but it's not going to be me. The only way for it to be me is for me to write it.

Let's talk about number four. The number four element is being all in on where you are right now as you continue to go and get it. Because if you're not, then you're going to be in stuck stress. If you're not solving for the problems of today and only worrying about the future problems, then you're not even succeeding today and you can't access that genius brain of yours.

I was thinking about this because I have now worked with Lynda, my online business manager for two full years. It has been amazing to see how she's grown, I've grown, how we've grown together. But we've gone through a process and we had to be all in on where we were in each step of the process. The things I'm doing now and my business I couldn't have even dreamed of doing two years ago.

I was thinking about coaches that are just starting out. I know when you're just starting out, you tend to be intimidated by people who seem to have it all together and are “successful.” But the people who are at the top or the most successful, it's not necessarily helpful to you because you can get yourself into a place of “That will never be me too. I'm not that ambitious. I'm not that good at things.”

I'm wondering, is anyone listening right now that feels that way? It's ironic right now that I'm in a situation where I feel amazing and I can see how I've grown. I think the reason why is because I always was just able to own where I was. There wasn't this big group of successful coaches that I saw all the time when I was starting out. It's like feeling like I was the only coach out there and so I never had the thought, “Oh, I should be doing something differently. I should be more successful.”

Once I did have that thought as I saw this profession and industry grow and everything that was in it, it only slowed me down. I really had to quickly nip that in the bud and be okay with where I was in the moment. If you can just say “I'm good with where I am as I work towards getting somewhere else,” that's what's going to help you.

Another example that I thought about was when I did work for Worth, which was a clothing company, I worked for them for about 10 years. It was a big organization when I came into it, even when I took on the role of director of business development for the Midwest, which was sort of our recruiting, hiring, and training function. There were definitely a group of we called them DBDs, directors of business development, that were always the top performers, that were always the most successful.

In the beginning, I was very intimidated by that group. When I tried to be that person, when I thought I wanted to be that one winning those awards, I want to be the best at that, I was able to get some progress that way, but mostly, I struggled. Mostly when I did achieve the progress, I was killing myself to do it and I was burnt out, stressed, and overwhelmed.

What worked a lot better for me was when I owned my own strengths in the company. When I moved into training, I just owned being the best-possible trainer I could be, which was like coaching, ironically. I stopped telling myself, “Oh, I need to be a top DBD. I need to do it the way they're doing it. I need to move up. I need to listen to all of their thoughts and comments.” No, I don't. I just did it like I wanted to do it. I'm good at coaching people on how to be better at their jobs and I did that.

Once I excelled at that, I did end up getting star of the month in the most growth of the year award and other honors. But it was really just going all in on where I was that helped me go get to that next level. I know that feels like counterintuitive with some of the points I'm making here of you having to create the result but I want you to know that you can be striving. I'm not saying stop striving to be the best, stop striving to win the awards and all of that, but at the same time, own where you're at and be the very best possible you can be at where you're at now. That's the way you get to the next level. Are you with me?

Last, final, and fifth point to going and getting that result you want is to remember that the result isn't there to provide you with anything when you do create it. It is not fun. It is not fulfilling. It is not inspiring. It does not create confidence. It doesn't work or not work. It isn't a good investment or not a good investment. It isn't the right program or the wrong program. The result isn't there to provide you with anything when you actually create it.

Here's what I mean. Every time we talk about it in that way, we're trying to put accountability on the program, the end goal, or the thing outside of us. That end goal never does any of those things to give us confidence. It's doesn't fulfill us. It doesn't inspire us. We make things successful. We make it work, we make it fun, we make it fulfilling, we find inspiration, we create money. The thing, the award, the goal doesn't.

We choose to be confident. We're the ones that create our results. That thing outside of you never will and nor will it when you get there. I get a lot of people asking me, “Well, should I try this program or read that book? Or should I do what you're doing? Will it work for me?” Anytime you're wondering that, you have to stop and recognize that your brain thinks that either works or doesn't. That's not the case. You either make it work or you don't make it work. That's it.

I'm writing this actually coming home from a trip to Boston, and during that trip, I really created my own results. Due to some snowstorms and other things that happened, I wanted to be in Boston on a Sunday morning at 10:00 AM from Indianapolis but I couldn't leave Indianapolis until 10:00 PM the night before and I wasn't about to drive the 17 hours.

I got on the earliest flight I could on Sunday morning. I got there around 11 o'clock. I got there for at least half of this birthday brunch that my brother had for my mom. I got to go to my daughter's event the Saturday night before, and I got to spend a day with my parents and now I'm on my way home on Monday night.

But I had to create those results because I was mad in the beginning that this wasn't all going to work out. My brain didn't recognize that there were options. My friends, you're the creator of your result every single time. There is no magic pill. There's no magic solution unfortunately. Either you're going to take what you learn and get the most out of it and apply it and run with it, then work with the nuances of making it your own and making it successful. Or you're not.

You don't need to beat yourself up by the way if it's not going to happen. You might just decide not to or choose not to, or go a different route, or decide you aren't interested anymore. It's not what you want to do. There's no judgment, you can just decide you don't want to do it. Did you know that was even an option? Keep the ownership always. It is not going to create anything for you. You're always going to create it.

The five things to review. Number one is you're going to have to create the results, it doesn't just happen. Number two, you have to be willing to try as many times as it takes to figure it out. Number three, you have to be willing to create your own version of success. Number four, you have to be okay and all in on where you are right now in order to create the result in the future. The last and fifth thing is I want you to remember that the result isn't there to provide you with anything when you do create it. You provide yourself with everything along the way.

How are you going to apply this in your life or business to create exactly the life and business you want? One that is full of freedom, not one that feels like things are happening to you or things that are happening outside of you. No one likes to feel that. No one likes to feel like you have to constantly fight for something or likes to feel like they are a victim. Everybody loves to feel like they are in control and they are making things happen.

I want to invite you to join me in the Runway to Freedom mastermind, which is going to start in October. In there we are really really, really going to dig deep into thoughts like these, which are the basis for organizing your brain, which are the basis for you understanding what is important to you, and how to make it happen, how to create a plan, how to ensure you stay committed. I want you to borrow some of these thoughts. I want you to start using them now, today, you can do that today. Then I want you to come join us in Runway to Freedom mastermind.

The applications for this mastermind are open now and if you are listening in real time, you have until the end of September to get it in. Really, the application is just a nod to say, “Hey, Andrea, let's have a conversation about this. I think I'm interested.” The application is not you signing on the dotted line, the application is just opening yourself up to a conversation with me to figure out if this is something for you.

Head over to the website to the Work With Me tab and find Runway to Freedom, fill out that application, and let's chat. You can find the link in the show notes as well. But these thoughts, my friends, these five thoughts, they are amazing. They give you such ownership of your destiny. If you feel like you don't have ownership, something's got to change. Something's got to change. If you feel like joy is being stolen from you, something's got to change. I'm here to hold your hand and help you make it happen. See you soon.

Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up Podcast with me, your host, Andrea Liebross. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Now, what about you? You've listened to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade you, then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call. Right there on that call, we'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business, and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.