86: Why Women So Often Find Themselves Struggling With Goal Setting

Welcome to the Time to Level Up Podcast. I'm your host, Andrea Liebross. Each week, I focus on the systems, strategy, and big thinking you need to CEO your business and life to the next level. Are you ready? Let's go.

I'm going on a recording marathon and because my podcast producer and her team, Stacey Harris over at Uncommonly More, they take December off, that is a goal of hers and I am in full support of that goal. What it just means is that we have to be a little more organized, a little more ahead of the game, and do a lot of batch recording.

The podcast that you're going to listen to today is a replay with a few edits and a few additions of an episode that aired back in the summer of 2022. It is an important one though for this time of year as we head into 2024 because it is about goals and our fear of setting them.

I positioned this fear of setting them back when I first recorded this as anti-goal setting, someone who was anti-goal. But as I have done my research on thinking big, I think it is more accurate to say that those women that don't set goals are really just scared. They fear that setting goals will change things for them, which it might, which it probably will and they fear what's going to happen to them when they set goals, what if they're successful in reaching them, but what if they fail? What will other people think?

It really goes back to those nine common fears that all entrepreneurs face. Those fears are the reasons why the women I'm talking about today, this “anti-goal setting” crowd don't set goals. Whenever you hear me say anti-goal setting or anti-goal person, I want you to reframe it as someone who just had some normal human fear.

Also when you're listening to the remainder of this episode, you'll hear me refer to my group coaching program called Committed to Growth. But since the recording, the original recording of the episode, I have renamed that group and added lots of amazing things to it, renamed it I've Got This because what the women in that group really want is to feel as if they’ve got it.

Now do you feel as if you've got it? You do have to commit. But I think I've Got This really embodies the purpose of that group. If you were in that group, you want that feeling of control, you want to be able to control your own destiny. You want to feel like you've got your act together.

The women in I've Got This have all made about $100,000 in their business, but they're not convinced that they can keep going at this current rate, they're not convinced that they really know what they're doing, they're not convinced they are business owners or CEOs. They may still be operating from that kind of hustle mentality from the place of “I've started a business because I had a passion,” that kind of thing.

They probably all are experiencing fear, and impostor syndrome and all of those things are getting in the way. Most of them are also scared of setting goals. They are kind of the anti-goal-setting crowd. But one of the amazing things that happens once they start to engage in coaching inside I've Got This is that they start to love goals, and they start to hit goals.

In fact, this morning, I had a call with a client whose goal last December, so December of 2022, was to double her 2022 revenue in 2023. Before October was over, October 2023, she had already doubled her revenue. By far, she had surpassed her goal. She probably was one of those anti-goal-setting on paper kind of people.

Keep in mind as you're listening to this episode that Committed to Growth is really I've Got This. If you're someone who feels like you're kind of anti-goal-setting, you're probably an amazing candidate and would benefit greatly from I’ve Got This. Next step on that would be to set up a consult call with me, and we can review where you're at and see if that really is the case that you're ready for I've Got This or maybe you're even ready to be in the mastermind.

But regardless, Committed to Growth is now called I’ve Got This. I do have a podcast episode just about I've Got This as well if you want to look back in the archives and we will link it in the show notes if you're curious about what's involved in that coaching program.

Ready to talk about some goals and why you might not be afraid to set them? This is a great episode if you are really wanting to do a little bit of eavesdropping in on your own thinking. So are you ready anti-goalers? You know who I'm talking about. Here we go.

You know who I mean, you know if you're one of them. I like to think of this as remember in high school, at least in my high school back in Winchester, Massachusetts in the late 80s, there were the jocks, the nerds, and the theater geeks and we had some of the, we used to call them the courtyard people who would smoke and do whatever else out there in the courtyard. I'm entering a new category into the categories of high school people, and even adults, and these are the anti-goalers.

Now they are not picketing on the sidewalk with posters that say we hate goals. But they are saying things like, “I don't love goals. I avoid setting goals. I don't see a reason to set goals. I don't set goals. Goal setting is too hard. It's a waste of time. I avoid it at all costs.”

I get these types of comments a lot on consult calls because I might ask, “What are your goals, or do you have any?” I'm not judgy about this, because I realized this is a huge segment of the population. It is more just a curiosity factor on my part to see where my prospective client is.

Now I've got good news. Those that do start to work with me, they all learn to love goals. They figure out that having goals is really the key to happiness in a sense, and they become confident not just in setting goals, but in achieving them and figuring out how to achieve them and not getting stuck necessarily in the how, trusting and believing that they will happen. That's the good news.

I want you to ask yourself, “Do you have a bit of the anti-goal in you?” We're going to talk about why that is. Let's talk about the two different types of clients that I work with in terms of where they are in their “goal thinking” and I want you to ask yourself which category you fall into.

The first category of women who don't have goals or who are anti-goalers, or maybe who have them in their heads, but they're not writing them down, if this is you, what's really happening is that you haven't committed to your goals. I work with these kinds of women inside Committed to Growth. Notice the title of what I have named this coaching platform Committed to Growth because they are wanting to commit to goals but they just haven't done it yet.

Inside there, we figure out why you aren't formulating goals and then writing them down because I know if you're in there, you're interested in having goals, you're interested in reducing your stress, you're interested in being more productive or finding more time in your day, but you just haven't taken the step to get the support you need to commit to it.

This is the step by engaging in Committed to Growth, becoming part of this amazing community of driven women, this is the step that you are looking for or what you're craving is the support to make it happen. Because at this point, you're kind of at that interested craving place in terms of goal-setting but you haven't committed.

If this is you, then I want to see you inside Committed to Growth. We have so much fun, so much fun. I just actually posted a Reel of my client Emily, who I have to admit, I have not been working with for an entire year but in the past six months, she had already reached her 2022 goal of creating six figures in her business with three little teeny children. Go check out her Reel which I reposted on Instagram and you'll see what I mean. She's gotten to a place where she's not just interested in this goal, she's actually committed to it.

The second category of women. They're the ones that have their goals written down. They're used to setting goals, but often, they don't set the goals that will really and truly move the needle in their business. If you're choosing on focusing on other things, other goals rather than the ones that might really move the needle, this is you. You're choosing to focus on the fires, the pressing issues, or what seems like an emergency.

You've got goals, but the goals might be really revolving around the emergencies, the fires, the pressing issues. You're not setting goals that will change something or allow for your business to do something different or differently, perhaps you really need a new structure, you need a new way of hiring, or you're needing to relook at how you're going to reach your financial goal.

These women who are inside my Runway to Freedom program, they’re goal-setters, but they are craving bigger more impactful goals. Because ultimately, their ultimate goal is to have some more freedom in their business.

If you want freedom in your business too, and remember this freedom can look like a lot of things, if you want freedom in your business to do what you want to do, work on what matters most to you, spend time with your family, figure out a long-term vision, but you just can't figure out how to do that and you're avoiding really setting goals on digging deeper into that, you belong in Runway to Freedom. Because you're familiar with goals, you write them down, but maybe they're just not the right ones that are going to move the needle the farthest.

I posted a quick little Reel about my client Morgan the other day and she falls into this category. She's got goals, but she really wanted to work on herself and her business in a different way. That is how we are creating a Runway to Freedom for her and her business.

Which of these two types of people are you? As we begin this discussion of why women avoid setting goals, I want you to consider what your goals are now, if any. Here's where I want to add that with a coach, you actually do the work of figuring out why you're avoiding setting goals and learn how to set the goals that align with you and get you what you want.

With listening to a podcast, I know you're listening and I know you're absorbing but are you really doing the work for real? What I mean is, you can listen to me talk about goals, but I want you to ask yourself, “Am I really doing the work that it takes to create better, more effective goals?”

Now I love podcasts but even me, I find myself when I'm listening to podcasts saying, “That is a great idea,” or “I should really do that,” but then I don't always do it. With a coach, when I'm working with my coach, I always do it. As I go through these 10, I’m going to share with you the 10 reasons why women don't set goals, if you find yourself saying, “Yes, that's me. I so need to address this or I wish I could be better at goals,” come join us inside Committed to Growth or Runway to Freedom.

Come do that. Explore that option of getting yourself the support you need to stop being an anti-goaler. Do it. Make that a quick daily goal to go find out more about both of these programs. You can do that on my website on the Work with Me page. You can also find out more about the Full Focus Planner masterclass on that page as well at the bottom where it says Masterclass. We're going to be doing a lot of this work in this masterclass.

Let's get to our 10 reasons why women don't necessarily set goals or set the right goals that are going to move the needle. Number one, they're scared. If you're scared, you might be asking yourself, “What if I do reach these goals? Would that upset the Apple cart at work or at home? What would it mean if I set the goals and reach them? What it would mean is that I might have to keep going and I'd have to have different goals. But what if I don't reach the goals? Would that be a fail? That would not feel good to state that I failed.”

Now remember, I've got other podcasts that there is no such thing as fail. It's just winning or learning. But in this example or reason number one why people don't set goals, being scared comes in all sorts of forms, being scared of reaching the goal, of not reaching the goal, of failing. That was number one. Is that you? Are you a little bit scared?

Reason number two that people don't set goals. You might say to yourself, “Well, I'm waiting for the right time.” What this really means is that you're waiting for life to happen to you versus you taking control of your life. I end this podcast by always saying, “Now is the time. There never is a better time for you to consider leveling up.”

There is no right time. If you're waiting for the right time, then that means you're waiting for life to happen to you versus you taking control of your life. You're the main character in your life. You're on stage and you get to move your story along. We are not waiting for others, other events, or things outside of us to move our lives along, you get to move it along. There is no such thing, my friends, as the right time.

Reason number three for the anti-goalers. Anti-goalers don't really realize that they can leverage their own agency. Now what do I mean by this? I've mentioned this word before on some podcasts. This might be a word that you're really not familiar with with this definition.

The tools that we can use to leverage our own agency, which means directing our own brains, if we use our own agency, we are directing our own brains, and that means that we are managing our thoughts. A lot of what we do in coaching is learn how to manage our mind.

I call this thought work, which is some work, which is I'm going to guess a lot of you have never done thought work. Thought work is what we need to combat our belief that we cannot leverage our own agency or that we cannot direct our own brains. We have power over ourselves. We get to control what we want to think.

Something that kind of falls into this not leveraging our own agency is recognizing that even though, for example, we've got three kids, we still can work on our goals. Maybe if the goal is to get on the Peloton every day, you might realize that that's just not happening between 7:00 AM and 7:00 PM. That is kind of a constraint that you have, but you can work within your own constraints, so you can get on the Peloton really early in the morning or late at night. That's leveraging your own agency or directing your own brain.

That kind of falls into the fourth reason that people are anti-goalers. They tell you that their schedule is too full, and they feel like they can't take on anything else. That's not true, my friends, where they tell you that they don't have money in the bank to tackle that goal, and they can't take on anything else.

Remember, time and money are two of your most valuable resources, but brain power is the most valuable. That goes back to having agency over your own schedule or over your own bank account. If your schedule is too full, or if your bank account is too low, then what that really tells you is that your goals are not the goals that you want them to be. They're different because you're spending your time and money on other things if your bank account is too low or your schedule is too full.

It may be what is in the full schedule is what you should be focusing on but maybe it isn't. This is a perfect opportunity for you to reassess. Do I like how I'm spending my time? Do I like how I'm spending my money? Do I want to reevaluate and create a goal around it?

Here's the fifth reason you might be an anti-goaler. You're getting stuck on the how even before you write the goal. You have no idea of how that might happen. Now how do we get over this? You have to realize that if you get curious and you start to source solutions, you can figure out the how. If you knew how already, you would have already done it, my friends, you probably would have already done it. Yes, you may not know the how but that is not a reason to not write the goal because you can become curious and figure it out.

Here's the sixth thing. You believe that you won't love your goal. You don't love it. “I don't love this goal. Therefore, I'm not going to write it down. I'm not going to commit to it. I'm not going to work toward it.” But here's my question to you. Do you have to love them? Who says you have to love them? The only thing these goals need to be are SMARTER, there's a framework called Writing SMARTER goals, which we're going to talk about inside that Full Focus Planner masterclass.

I think the most important part of writing SMARTER goals are the E and the R at the end. They need to be Exciting and Risky, which means that you may not have a love affair with them, because they are kind of uncomfortable. Goals, in and of themselves, I think I would add to the definition of goals if I were looking it up, need to be a bit uncomfortable so you don't have to love them. You just have to commit to it.

Here's reason number seven women are anti-goalers. They worry about what other people think. “What would my husband think about this goal? Just having it as a goal, reaching it or not reaching it? What would my colleagues think about this goal? Would they have thoughts about it? How would those thoughts impact me?” Well, guess what, they wouldn't impact you because they're not your thoughts. They’re theirs. We can't control what other people think.

So many podcasts on that if you want to go back, but we can't control what other people think. That, in and of itself, my friends, is a very poor excuse for not writing a goal and being an anti-goaler. I think some of us think it might be braggadocious to tell people that you've reached the goal. But you know what, I think that's inspiring.

You get to choose what you want to think about other people telling you if they've reached their goal or not. Which kind of brings me to number eight. Anti-goalers feel like they need to share their goals. You don't need to share your goals. You don't need to share your goals when you write them, if you reach them, or if you don't reach them. You only really should be sharing your goals with people who will help you get there.

So many of the women I coach, they don't even talk about the coaching they're getting with others. They don't talk about the goals that they've set with others. They only talk about it within our coaching community, which makes our coaching community so amazing because we are all there to support each other, to cheer each other on, to feed each other with ideas about how to reach the goals or how to think about the goals.

Most of the women inside my group are not talking about the coaching that they are getting or the goals they're setting with their spouse, with others, with their colleagues, with their mother, or with their sisters. They're just not because there's no reason to. Only share these goals with people who are going to be completely on board and not just saying they're on board, completely on board with you.

That is what we find inside both Committed to Growth and Runway to Freedom because we're a bunch of driven and ambitious women in there who don't want to apologize. We don't put ourselves in situations where we're tempted to apologize. We only surround ourselves with women who lift us up. Does that sound like you? Come inside with us. It'd be so fun.

This brings me to number nine. If you're not coming inside with us, or if you're being an anti-goaler, it's probably because you're letting buffering have power over you. Buffering is when you decide you are going to direct your energy towards something else that does not align with the direction you want to move in or does not help you move forward.

This might be emptying the dishwasher, cleaning out your inbox, Netflix. Kids can even be a buffer because we can say to ourselves, “Oh, there's no way I'm going to be able to tackle that. The kids are home.” Or this might be other projects like all of a sudden you decide, “Let's remodel the kitchen instead of going all in on my business.”

It might be the season. You might use summer as a buffer in and of itself. What does that mean? That just means that you're creating an excuse for yourself to remain just interested in your goal, not committed. Inside that Full Focus Planner, one of the great parts about it is it helps you address this on a daily basis. It helps you figure out what your daily big three should be, the three things that must happen, which helps you avoid the buffering and allows you to become committed.

The tenth reason, the last one, is that you are not willing to say to yourself, “I don't know everything, and that's okay.” Sometimes when we set a goal, we think we need to know all the parts of it, we need to know exactly what's going to happen if we achieve it, we need to be able to think about all the roadblocks along the way. I like thinking about all the roadblocks along the way, but there's no way we're going to know all of them.

We can say to ourselves, “Oh, I'm not ready yet. I don't have all the pieces in place.” But what I want you to embrace is saying, “I don't know everything, and that's okay.” And that's okay is going to be your favorite new phrase. We do a lot of that inside coaching saying, “And that's okay.” Because if we don't, we put ourselves into a place where we're feeling miserable and that certainly is not helping us get out of the anti-goal stage.

Lastly, if there could be a number 11, I had a client share this with me yesterday, she said to me, “What if it's not the right goal?” She's kind of in a place where she's trying to get out of being an anti-goaler. She's definitely interested. She's trying to get to the committed place but she's asking herself, “What if it's not the right goal?”

Kind of like the number six, “I'm not sure I love my goal,” my question to you is do you have to know it is the right goal? Is there such a thing as the right goal? I would argue no. There are just goals. So, my friends, if any of these 10 or 11 reasons resonated with you, and you see yourself saying, feeling, or experiencing one of these 10 or 11 reasons why you're not setting goals or you're not setting goals that will help you move forward and help you align with your vision, making your vision actually a reality, instead of just listening to my podcast, I encourage you to do the work around it.

That is getting coached, having someone actually help you see what's going on inside your brain for real, and then creating change. That's getting coached. That's not listening to a podcast. I encourage you to get the support you need in some form either inside Committed to Growth, Runway to Freedom, or inside the Full Focus Planner masterclass. Some way, make that a goal to get what you need so that you can become the best version of yourself, so that you can create a life and not just a to-do list.

If you want more information on coaching, you can go to the Work with Me page. But really, what's going to happen is you and I set up a quick little phone call to figure out what's best for you. Head over to the website. At the very bottom, there is a link that says book a call. Book a call. They're free.

I bet the call in and of itself is worth $1,000. Even if you decide not to move forward, the information you're going to glean from having me ask you some hard questions is super valuable, worth millions and millions of dollars. What if you were able to set goals that are exciting and risky, not the goals that you just think you should have?

Let's get clear on what matters to you most and how to focus your attention on those things, not just focusing your attention on the easy things, the easy-to-cross-off things, let's get focused on the things that will give you power.

Alright, my friends, now is the time to level up. Don't let life continue to happen to you. You get to create the life that you want. You've got that ability. You're capable. Dogs aren’t capable, but you are. Alright. Have a great week. See you next time.

Hey, listening to podcasts is great. But you also have to do something to kick your business up a notch. You need to take some action, right? So go to andreaslinks.com and take the quiz. I guarantee you'll walk away knowing exactly what your next best step is to level up.