66: How to Untangle Productivity and Self-Worth

Episode 66.mp3

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host, business life coach Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career. And best of all. Live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up.

[00:00:57] Let's do this.

Speaker2: [00:01:10] Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the podcast. Hope you are having an amazing February. Hope you have been doing loving things and celebrating Valentine's Day. I hope you've been loving yourself, which kind of this whole topic of worthiness is tied in with loving yourself, right? I hadn't really thought about that much presented that in the podcast at all. But now that I think about it. It is. It is OK, so I wanted to start today off before we get into our topic, which is separating your worth from your productivity. Just want to share with you another review. Remember, I'm working towards one hundred, so if you haven't read it and reviewed yet on Apple Podcasts, please go do so. Or if you don't have Apple, you can also go rate and review on Google. If you listen to Google Play. So here is what Jay Dog, one, four, two three said. Clear and useful content, Andrea, does a great job distilling concepts into manageable action steps. These episodes are short and easy to binge. Looking forward to working through the content on goal setting. So, yeah, who doesn't want manageable action steps in today's episode? I think I give you actually some very good, manageable action steps, so this actually ties very well into what's happening. All right, so as you know, if you have been following me, I am big about the fact that we need to work both on our mindset and creating some systems. It's not one or the other. A lot of coaches work on just systems.

Speaker2: [00:03:01] A lot worked on just mindset. I like to work on both. But we I run the risk sometimes of my clients feeling like these systems, which help them get things done, get shit done right. That is what's going to determine their worth. And that is absolutely not true. So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you two general principles on how to identify behavior or actions that are kind of connecting. Um, you you connecting your underlying belief, which you kind of think is a fact that self-worth is connected to productivity, so I'm going to give two kind of general principles, then I'm going to give you three problems with that kind of thinking. And then, of course, I'm going to give you three action steps to take to change it. Ready. All right, here we go. So here's general principle number one, your worth is not tied to how many boxes you checked today. All right, so tying yourself worth to how much you get done is a problem in and of itself, but it can I take it, it can create kind of like a trickle down effect in your life as a whole, and it can really even lead you to sabotage your business or your professional life or your personal life when things are really going fine. You think you need to be doing more, but things are actually going fine. So the seriousness of this issue cannot be underestimated. And I, as I've mentioned in previous episodes, really what this worthiness is all about is just a collection of thoughts.

Speaker2: [00:04:48] It's a thought collection that we give meaning to by creating more thought collections around the facts. For example, we might say if we complete X y z. We will feel blah blah. All right, so if we completed X Y Z, we have a thought about accomplishing that, which then creates a feeling usually of worthy or deserved. All right. So I might say, Oh, I saw seven clients today. That is so amazing that I should celebrate. I deserve to celebrate with some sort of nonproductive activity, probably eating or drinking, which then makes me nonproductive. Hilarious, right? The result is always evidence of your thought. So deserved sometimes gets tied in with worthiness. Another example, which might be more likely is I did not check all the boxes today. I did not get everything done on my To-Do list, which is a fact. And then my thought might be Something's wrong with me and I feel defeated and I my action is mope around and the result of all that is not checking even more boxes. All right. So this is all about negative thought patterns and working on these negative thought patterns has to begin with some self-reflection and behavior analysis. So do you feel bad when you did not get done? What was on the list? And to dig even deeper, if someone asks you what you did today and it makes you feel defensive because of course I was in my office working all day.

Speaker2: [00:06:37] This is the beginning of patterns of trying, tying your self-worth to productivity. I am super guilty of this because my husband will often ask me, What did I do today in a very loving way? Like, I don't think he means any harm by it, but I get super defensive in, say, things like, Well, I saw seven clients today or I managed to get this, this and this done and that not. He didn't ask me that. All right, so this type of thinking comes in all shapes and sizes in one form of is of it is that you could suffer from feelings of imposter syndrome. Right. We talked about that in episode sixty four. And another is that you could even start thinking your your business or your career is horrible on days that you actually feel bad for other reasons. I call this like the pylon syndrome, where one thing goes wrong and then everything feels like it goes wrong. And this can even happen when we think everything is going, when everything really is going just fine. I want to tell you that your business or your career and your value as a person have nothing to do with each other. There is no logical connection between your value as a person and the performance of you professionally. Go listen to episode sixty three. Ok, so reviewing number one, your worth is not tied to how many boxes we check off. Ok? Number two is a general principle.

Speaker2: [00:08:06] Is shooting OK, you should do nothing. I want you to take a sec and talk to yourself about shitting on yourself. Have you ever heard of this? Shitting on yourself is when you drown yourself in obsessive thoughts about all the things you should be doing. Of course, if you want to grow your business, there are things you need to do, which I talk about all the time inside, committed to growth and runaway to freedom. Right, there are things you should do to grow your business, right, but what I also talk about inside those coaching programs is that, of course, if you want to feel healthier, there are also things that maybe you should do. But this type of planning oriented thinking, that's the kind that's necessary in healthy. The kind that's not necessary in healthy, the shooting that's not necessary and healthy. The problem starts when you are almost belittling yourself and being so bogged down by this inner voice that tells you what to do and and it's the voice that you can never fully satisfy. So if you came to me and told me all the things you should be doing and as a response, I simply told you that you don't have to do any of it. Sometimes I say this is actually the simple truth. You don't have to do anything. Sure, there are consequences if you don't think do things, but this doesn't mean you have to do them. The best part of this is that you can still get things done without shooting on yourself.

Speaker2: [00:09:50] This is possible if you can learn to think about your goals and actions that will get you where you want to go as choices. Honestly, we talk a lot about making choices. And you get to choose what you want to do as you work towards your goals. So you can either blackmail yourself into doing things through guilt and shooting, or you can simply choose to do things when you want to do them. All right, so think about it, the only things you can control in life are your actions and your reactions. You can't control the success of your business. You can't control whether or not you know you enjoyed running. I guess you can control that because that's based on your thought, but you really can't control your success. All you can do is show up and try. Thinking about the end goal is good, but rather than obsessing over achieving it, think about the actions necessary to get you there and focus on those. All right, now, here are three problems I see when we believe that our productivity is tied to our self-worth is tied to our productivity. Here are the three problems with this. This is flawed thinking because number one, productivity is never finished. It's an endless loop, right to do list grows as fast as it shrinks and when you hold productivity up as like your highest value, how productive you are, you're never satisfied. And there's a cost for that.

Speaker2: [00:11:28] Number two Problem two Overvaluing productivity depletes your reserves and inhibits your engagement with your life. So the first thing that flies out the window when I become super focused on productivity is really my ability to interact and engage in a heartfelt manner with my husband and my kids and my friends. The to dos feel so large and looming, and I and I put everything else aside. And I and I never even pause long enough to live in the moment, it seems like a luxury I can't afford. I'm not giving myself permission. So. My better days, I know that this really isn't true. Right, that I don't have to do stuff. And that living in the moment is, in reality, exactly what I do want to do. So. Operating, you know, from an empty tank. Doesn't give us enough strength to see what's around us. So I believe that we are all meant to live from a place of a full tank or fulness where we can work on multiple things, engage with others and work towards our own goals, we can do that. Ok. Number three, third problem. If we are to lapse in our productivity, it's sometimes can trigger shame. So have you ever been forced to slow down so many things can bring life to a giant halt COVID OK, a job layoff, bed rest, a car accident, a sick kid, your own health diagnosis. And there have been many times in my life when the only time I've slowed down was because I was forced to.

Speaker2: [00:13:31] Right. And. It can often trigger shame. But last week I had this little mini surgery on my toe and I had to slow down. I couldn't do what I had planned to do that day because I didn't even realize that I would be kind of not up and around that day. I also remember a few years ago when I had the flu, I had to slow down, and the craziest thing that I remember about that is that I hesitated, asking for help. I barely slowed down, I did my very best to carry on as if life were normal, despite the fact that I could barely get out of bed. How crazy is that, OK? Why was I hesitating to ask for help? Because it triggered shame. So if you're forced to slow down but you have your self-worth tangled up with your productivity, it's going to be a million times harder to accept the rest and ask for the help. Worse yet is there's a chance it's going to create that shame. And I talk about shame and blame a lot in Podcast 11, if you want some extra learning on that. But Brené Brown and I think I actually mentioned her in that episode. She defines she's a world renowned expert on shame. She's a shame researcher, and she defines shame as the intensely painful experience of believing that you're flawed and therefore unworthy. And if you haven't watched her documentary, I think it's on Netflix, it's worth an hour.

Speaker2: [00:15:01] It's a great one. But yeah. Shame is the intensely painful experience of believing that you're flawed and therefore unworthy. So if you are forced to slow down because of some illness, for example, and you think that you are now flawed, not good. So the thought that you can't maintain your typical productivity if you can't measure up to the standard in your own head. If you start thinking, then you are less valuable as a person. I know, I know, you can see the danger in that. Ok, so those three things. Problem productivity is never finished overvaluing productivity, depletes your reserves and inhibits your engagement with life and lapses in your productivity may trigger shame. All problems. All right, so what do we do about it? I'm going to offer you three thoughts that I would love for you to borrow. Here's the first one. Now, when I was writing my notes for this, the first thing I wrote down was. Hard work is good, but I don't even love that one as we talk about productivity relating to Worth. I think there's a subtle but significant difference between hard work productivity. And commitment. Ok. Hard work doesn't come with a stipulation of having to be continuous. You can work hard and then relax after a job. Well done. Ok, so I don't want you to think that. I don't have to be productive, I just have to work hard, but I'd rather, you think is I just have to be committed to working at it so I can do hard things.

Speaker2: [00:16:56] I like that statement. I enjoy hard work. I like the statement that hard work is not equal to productivity, but what I like even best is that being committed? That's the most important. All right, here's thought number two. Engage with life. Living with your heart and your eyes wide open, seeing what's out there is one of the greatest benefits of not overvaluing productivity. Presence, there's that word presence is a gift we can give ourselves and the people we love. You've got to see what's in front of you. That's a way better thought than thinking that I'll get to them after I'm done with this. You don't engage after you've been productive. I want you to engage all the time. And here's the third thing. You are worthy. So this circles back to what we discussed at the beginning of the month in podcast sixty three. Your value, your self value and self-worth, not your professional value or even your mom value is the most important. And I've heard numerous clients say to me, it's really hard for me to play. It's hard for me to let go. It's hard for me to let go of my control over clean house or polite children or an inbox zero or homework that is fully filled out and lovingly corrected or not spending time with my. Colleagues and a thousand other things, it's hard for me to let go of the thought that I should be spending time with them. But you're worth it, my friends, you're worth it.

Speaker2: [00:18:48] I know when I pull back a few layers that my worth isn't based on any of those results. It's not based on my productivity. It's not based on my clean house. It's not based on my polite children or my zero inbox. It's based on how effectively. I can care for myself, it's not based on how efficiently I can write a podcast episode or make dinner. It's not based on how quickly I can move through a pile of mail. Ok, my worth just is, and yours is, too. My worth just is, and yours is, too. You are one hundred percent worthy. You were born worthy. It is inherent in you. And that is what I'm going to leave you for the month of February about worthiness, worthiness is not your productivity. They are not tied together. Your worth is just your worth in and of itself by itself. So, my friends, if you would like to 10x this work, like I always say. It's so fun doing it. It is worth it. No pun intended. And I would love to help you. Get to a place where you truly can believe that you are worth it to help you get over some of those thought bridges to introduce you to some new concepts and ideas to take this kind of work in the podcast that we do to another level. Because remember, there's always time to level up. It is the time. This is the time you are worthy. I'll see you next week.

Speaker1: [00:20:52] Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host, Andrea Libros.

Speaker2: [00:20:58] If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode,

Speaker1: [00:21:02] I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Ok, now what about you? You've listened to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade, you then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.