63: How to Separate Yourself From Your Work

Episode 63.mp3

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host, business life coach Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career. And best of all. Live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up.

[00:00:57] Let's do this.

Speaker2: [00:01:10] Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the Time to Level Up podcast. Happy February! I can't believe we have already entered the second month of twenty twenty two. Kind of crazy. And I'm curious, I'm just checking in with you. How are you doing on following through on your goals? Because did you know that by January 19th, most people have already given up on their goals? I hope that's not you. I don't think it is. I think you're all super smart. So before we get started today, I just wanted to share with you a review that was recently posted on the Apple podcast website. It's sometimes reviews are very telling for me because they help me understand what's important to you so that I can deliver better content. So if you haven't rated or reviewed the podcast, I really encourage you to go do so. It would mean the world to me. So this review she titled her review Mindset Matters The Biggest Takeaways from Andrea and her podcast is to start with mindset. How do you want to feel, what actions can lead you to that feeling? Be ready to get uncomfortable doing the next right thing. And on the other side of this growth is a whole new journey. So thank you, Whitney, for submitting that review, and I encourage you listeners to also submit reviews and let me know what you love and what you like to hear more of. All right, so here we go in February, I have created for you a series of podcasts centered around worthiness, worthiness, self value, value and worthiness, all the things about worth because this is a topic that comes up all the time, and I want to tell you what inspired me to do this.

Speaker2: [00:03:17] A client of mine in committed to growth brought up a month or two ago the fact that she wasn't taking a daily walk like she wanted to and just couldn't figure out why she wasn't doing it. And when we dug deep and we dug deep what we came to, the conclusion we concluded that it was because she wasn't feeling worthy enough of taking the time out of her day to do that for herself. And then we even went further and dove deeper and figured out that really she values, she sees her productivity as her productivity is tied to her worth. So if she were to take 30 minutes out and go on a walk, that would be 30 less minutes that she was actually working. And to her, that then kind of put her in the maybe I'm not worth it category because then people would look differently upon her business because maybe she hadn't gotten as much done in her business that day as she wanted to. So. I don't know if this sounds familiar to you, but it's prompted me to create and develop a series of podcasts and some content all around worthiness, and this is the first podcast in a series that I want to share with you today.

Speaker2: [00:04:48] So let's dove in, let's dove right in to business value and self value. And I want to explain this as the value that you have as a human, that's your self value. We're going to call your value your human worthiness today. So value and human worthiness or self value and human worthiness, they're interchangeable for today's discussion. And I also want to give a shout out to Stacey Bowman because she's the one that really, really helped me solidify this concept in my own brain. Ok, so there's your self value or your worthiness. And then there's the value you create to make money, and that's what we're going to call business value or professional value. Now we all get confused about the value we have as humans and the value we create in our business and the value we create in our business is the value that turns into clients and money. Ok, but some of them you all get confused about worthiness and business value or self value in business value. And guess what, when you're confused, it costs you money and sleep. So guess what? We're going to try to resolve all of this today. So if you're human value declines or you start to think about yourself as unworthy, you really stop showing up for your business and your work and your colleagues and your clients, and you don't like your life very much. So this often happens when you make the value you've created in your professional life, a.k.a.

Speaker2: [00:06:43] the money you've made. Mean things about you? And your value is a human or your worthiness, so you tie this professional value, this business value to your self value or your worthiness as a human. And this also happens when you make other people's reactions to your profession or your business or your work. Performance means something about you and your value or worthiness as a human. We start to make what other people think or what we think they think means something about us. So I'm going to give you an example of this. If no one buys from you or no one becomes your client in six months, OK, or if you don't get a raise. Each year. You may start to think of yourself as a failure. Failure then becomes how you identify yourself, and then that is equal to what you would consider your human value or worthiness. All right. So let's say that five people showed up for my webinar that I did last night, last month, or let's say no one attended the meeting I was running and I make that mean. No one wants what I have to offer or they don't think what I have to say is going to be important enough for them to attend. I sometimes may make that mean that no one wants me as a human. Does it sound like you? I also see this confusion around worthiness as a human and the value created in your professional life when clients tell me that they need to work on their worthiness before they can go, make more money or before they can raise their rates or before they can ask for a raise.

Speaker2: [00:08:49] So think about this is this you? Do you say things like I can't make money or I can't put myself out there or I can't do a live stream or I can't make an offer or I can't raise my rates, or I can't ask for a raise or promotion because I'm really struggling with my worthiness. So if you believe this, that you know you're struggling with your worthiness, what this means is that you believe you have to be worthy as a human to make money or to ask for the raise. And if you have to be worthy to make money, it also means you aren't worthy if you weren't making money now. In this, we'll get you in a lot of trouble, my friends. But when you start associating worthiness with how much money you're making or you're not everything in your business and career is going to feel. Like, it has very high stakes, so sometimes I ask the question like, what's at stake if you don't address this, OK? What's at stake if you don't address getting a grip on your worthiness? Is is money. Ok. You're not going to make as much money or you're not going to see the success you want or you're not even going to get to go on that walk every day.

Speaker2: [00:10:19] And that whole side of your life will start to feel heavy and complicated and burdensome because you won't want to keep doing something that consistently brings you to face your unworthiness that will feel like a terrible idea. So why would I even include the walk on my to do list if it never happens? Because I feel like I need to keep working in order to feel worthy? Or why do I even want to go out there and make more offers if I don't think I'm worth it if people don't want to take what I have to offer? Ok, so let's discuss this, let's go even a little deeper. And here's what I believe. I believe that we are all inherently worthy. You were born worthy, you were born 100 percent worthy and this worthiness that you were born with. It never goes away. It's part of who you are. It's part of who we are as humans. Now, you might argue with me and find evidence that this statement that you're 100 percent worthy is not true. Ok. But I want to entertain the thought that if this were true. How much more would it serve you to believe you were just born with all the worthy? It's like a thing, all the worthy you would ever need. And it would never, ever go away, nor would you have to add to it or refill the worthy bank because you had a hundred percent of what you needed forever.

Speaker2: [00:12:06] Ok, so I believe that you are 100 hundred percent worthy. You are inherently worthy. You are born with worthiness. And here is the next thing I believe about our value as a human or worthiness. It truly is in the eye of the beholder, meaning if you don't see it, your worthiness. No one else will see it. Now, I've mentioned before how our brains are always trying to seek evidence to support our beliefs, whether the belief is I'm worthy or I'm not worthy. So in reality, you create your own reality by choosing what you want to believe. And these two beliefs that you are inherently one hundred percent worthy and that to yourself, value or worth is in the eye of the beholder. They're going to show up everywhere in your life. They show up in the way you interact with others and the way you interact with others in your professional life, all all aspects of your life. It's going to show up. Now, think back to the episode I did with my client, Veronica, and we talked about the wheel of life and all the different aspects of our lives. And she noticed that when she started to feel worthy or notice herself value in one aspect, all aspects were impacted. So if you are feeling unworthy, then it will show up in all aspects, in how you make offers in your business and how often you might make an offer and how much you put yourself out there.

Speaker2: [00:13:58] How often you take risks? Ok, and then the chances of you making money or going out on a walk every day are slim. He the chances of you making money or working towards goals in other aspects of your life, if you are coming from the belief that you are not worthy or you don't see yourself as worthy, it's not in your eye as the beholder. The chances of you then making progress are super slim. So here's the thing what if we go to the place of believing that worthiness is a feeling or an emotion that's created by your thoughts? So worthiness is is a thing in the sense that it's a feeling or an emotion, OK, which means if it's a feeling or emotion, you get to choose to feel worthy just by choosing what you want to think. Because if you've been listening to the podcast, you know that our thoughts trigger our feelings and feelings, trigger actions or inactions that lead to results. So if you think worthiness is a state of being, you are right in that when you get in the habit of thinking and feeling a certain way, you create worthiness and show up as worthy, you are worthy. Ok, so I'm going to say that again, if you think of worthiness as a state of being. It's just the way, the way of it.

Speaker2: [00:15:43] And you are right in that when you get in the habit of thinking and feeling a certain way, you create worthiness and show up as worthy, you are worthy. So our brains like to tell us that worthiness is a thing external of us. Ok, so it's like a noun, it's out there, it's a thing and either you have it or you don't. And it's kind of elusive in most of the time, it's out of reach. You can't buy it on a shelf, so it's just not even worth trying to get. It's a lost cause, and it slides into the category of not figure out a bowl. But I believe that everything is figured out of all. It's all a matter of choices, the choices we make. The thoughts we choose to create a feeling. Ok. Because worthiness is not external of us, it's just the feeling that we create and we can create it by choosing our thoughts, which means doing a series of models. Ok, so it's like I like to think of it as if we have a big pad of white sticky paper like the huge kind that might go on an easel and we're in a conference room and I have lined the walls with a of the conference room with this big white sticky paper. And on each piece we create a model. We have circumstances that trigger thoughts that trigger feelings, lead to actions and then create a result.

Speaker2: [00:17:16] And on each piece, we just put down a new model and we go through and we have a series of models, a series of new thoughts, new thoughts on each page that leads to a new result on each page that will trigger the next model. Just one at a time. And that this is how we are going to figure out what thoughts we need to create that feeling of worthiness. It's just like one minute you're sad, and then the next you have worked through the sad to neutral and then to happy and you pass through unworthy on your way to worthy. All right, and if we're going to agree that worthiness is a state of being or a feeling, that means that we may feel worthy in one moment and unworthy in the next based on our thoughts. But if we want to be, if we want to be consistent day in and day out and be in this worthy state, then we need to work on how we handle situations that challenge our thoughts that want to push us back to unworthy. Like when we don't get the promotion or the new client or get chosen for the team. Or want to take time to go to yoga? Ok, we might state our thoughts as facts like they didn't have qualifications like, like kind of like we might, we might state our thoughts as facts like I don't have the qualifications for the new job or I'm not fast enough to be the lead runner.

Speaker2: [00:18:50] Ok, but those are just thoughts. Those thoughts, however, I might argue, don't lead to unworthy like our brain wants to tell us they lead to insecure and then to the action of apologizing or making excuses or brushing it off. Ok, so really, really pay attention to your thoughts that you think are creating unworthiness and pay attention that maybe they're not creating unworthiness, but what they're doing is that they're creating insecurity like we're not secure in our running ability. So we wouldn't be the lead runner or we're not secure in the job situation. So we would never ask for a promotion. But what can happen is if we notice that we're the feeling we're having. It's not necessarily unworthy, but insecure. We can. If we if we can't separate that out, rather, if you can't separate out insecure from unworthy, what happens is that we start to use this against ourselves and we go back to thinking this kind of black and white or the unworthy is outside of us and external, and we just have to keep gunning for it like it's the Golden Ring. You remember those carousels they used to go around and you're on a horse and you'd reach for the Golden Ring. Well, it's like we keep reaching for this golden ring of worthiness. But my friend's reminder worthiness is created in our minds and most of the time. Unworthiness unworthiness is made up of a multitude of thoughts and feelings, all clumped together under the unworthy category because guess what? It's way more efficient that way.

Speaker2: [00:20:40] It's way more efficient to clump all of these thoughts under unworthy than separate them out into insecure or confused. Ok. So if you're struggling with this, I urge you to separate out your thoughts as if you were doing a series of models and work through them one thought or one model at a time. That's something that you you can take away from this podcast and practice. Ok, now feel free to dmy if you want help with the practice. Ok, so let's move this back just to switch gears just a bit. Let's move back to your business or your career. Ok. You're being able to help someone or to lead a company or to provide a service or to manage others. This all goes back to the way in which you think about yourself. This is the root of it. Your self value, your worthiness. Ok. You think that all those things about helping other people, leading a company, providing a service, managing others that it should go back to the way in which you think about yourself? Ok, but here's the thing. It has nothing. Those things have nothing to do with yourself. Value or worthiness. Ok. It is not inherent the worthiness you create in your professional life, your self-worth. Or self worthiness is inherent, but your professional value or business value. That is not inherent.

Speaker2: [00:22:17] You create that value, you create the interface between you and the client or the customer or the colleague. Ok. That has nothing to do with your human worthiness. I know shocker. So you can help people. You can lead companies, you can provide services, you can manage others without you even feeling valued. I know, right, you don't have to feel valued. You don't have to feel worthy. Now, this isn't all rainbows and unicorns, either. Ok, like it's not as if like, well, one day I'll find out the truth, OK, one day someone will come out of the out of the conference room and say. We've decided we've looked into the matter and you are really not worthy of your job or your business or your title. Ok, this is not how this works. We fear that that is the truth, that one day we will get found out. And, you know, it's kind of like imposter syndrome. We have a whole episode on imposter syndrome in a week or two, so stay tuned on that. But the truth? You know, the truth is out there. The truth is not out there. The truth about your worth is internal. Ok, now if you want to take this a step further. If it weren't internal and worthiness was something that you were deemed OK or your business value or professional value was, you know, had to be earned through your worthiness as a human, what that would mean is that there are already people out there wearing a badge that says I'm worthy and there'd be other people out there wearing badges that say, I'm not worthy.

Speaker2: [00:24:04] Ok. And stay tuned, because one day we'll reveal which one you are. If you don't have a badge yet, we're going to reveal it. You're either worthy or unworthy. It's not how this works, your business value or professional value. Is made by you. You create that value in your business, that is different. Then yourself value or worthiness as a human. So if we talk about creating value in our business or career, I do believe that this is something that we honestly create. It is not inherent. Ok, you weren't you aren't born with it, remember, worthy is a feeling you get from what you think about yourself, that is your self value, business value that creates money or what I sometimes call professional value is created by the way you think and the ideas that you create in the world and by how you show up. Ok, and then that all leads to the level of transformation or service that you give people. When they work with you and while they work with you, even before they work with you, OK, it's your ability to help solve their problems. Ok, so your business value, professional value, it's tied to your ability to help them solve problems. It has nothing to do with you being born worthy. Ok, so your thoughts and feelings in the professional world lead to the action of creating value and the value created is the result or what is in the line.

Speaker2: [00:25:48] So think about the last interaction you had with the client or a customer or colleague. What did you do? What did you do? You shared something with them. That's an action, you had insight. You created some insight. That's an action. You asked a question action. You provided a solution. Action and your action produced a result, a transformation for them, either in their thinking or solving their problem. So those actions were all driven by how you feel totally true. But you didn't have to feel worthy in order to ask a question or solve the problem. What you had to feel maybe was powerful or confident or assured or determined or trusting. Ok, so your business or professional value that you create can be done without feeling worthy as a human? I repeat. Creating value in your professional world can be done. One hundred percent without feeling worthy. All right, here's another way to kind of look at it. And this is Stacey Bingham and taught me this OK, if money is created through value and value is created through thinking there are many people who feel worthy. But don't have a thought at all that they want to create money or solve problems. And they may not even start every day thinking that they want to create more value for the world or they don't feel challenged to create more money than they have now and then they never create value that turns into money.

Speaker2: [00:27:29] Ok. But these same people, they still have the feeling or the emotion of worthiness of self value. All right, now, then there's like the uber wealthy, the billionaires who have created a lot of value but feel so unworthy. So what we really have are two different models there. So. Here's an example, like my husband, who is a physician, let's say he treats patients and he cures them every day and he gets paid for that. There might be days when he still feels completely unworthy of the honor of treating them. Ok. Or for me, I could coach you up and help you create transformation in your own life. And you could pay me for it, but I could feel completely unworthy as a human. Now, here's what I want, what I don't want you to think you have to do when you finish listening to this episode. Ok, this is not homework. You don't have to spend tons of time uncovering all of your deep, dark secrets and beliefs around worthy and unworthy that are rooted in your childhood and your last relationship, or the way your dad talk to you or your bank account. Ok. The good news, here's the good news, is that you could just be one thought away from creating business value that turns into cash, and you don't have to dig into your deep, dark past and all of this feeling of unworthiness if it's there because I repeat, you don't have to feel worthy in order to make money.

Speaker2: [00:29:17] Or to create business value. Are honestly even take a bath by yourself. Ok. You don't need to feel value to create value for others or even for yourself. So if you believe that you were just one thought away from creating value that turned into cash or a promotion or a better life for yourself, and you don't have to dig deep into your past before this happens, what will happen is that you can just start right now. There's no more waiting or feeling worthy or lack thereof. Ok, that's not a problem. We like to make it a big problem, and it's just not because we're just one thought away from feeling worthy. Ok. There's no struggle with worthiness like it's outside of us or like you're in a tug of war with it when you approach creating business value. One thought at a time. You can change the way that other people live their lives because you're giving them transformation. You also. Can approach things one thought at a time in creating the feeling of worthiness for yourself. And when you do that work. That's going to change your thought patterns everywhere in all aspects of your life. So you can be down and out living week to week and still grow a business if you focus on the thought that you are selling something that people need.

Speaker2: [00:30:57] And those are thoughts that drive your business. And maybe it's I'm good at sales and I'll figure this out or I know how to help people because I have a coaching tool called the model. And even though my results haven't shown up in the way I want yet, maybe that there's not enough, there's not money in the bank account, the amount that I want. Yet I know this works and I'm going to bring it to everybody that I see. And you can drive value in your professional life while still feeling unworthy or shitty in your personal life. It's two different models. Ok, you can have both worthiness and unworthiness models happening at the same time, and you can have models that create value for you and models that keep you. We're creating value for others because we are capable of believing things and not believing things all at the same time. So I want you to think about that paper along the wall in the conference room, the series of models which are thoughts that lead to feelings that lead to actions and create results. You have so much more power over it when you see them as different from each other, when you see business value and self value as different. You can get to work on business value now and start making money, even if you don't have thoughts that create the feeling of self value or worthiness. So.

Speaker2: [00:32:27] I will say. What I'm not saying. Is don't go out there and work on your not work on your worthiness. Ok. Go work on creating that feeling of worthiness of self-love and value. Do it. Ok, but don't. Do it thinking that you have to do that first, because it is the only way in which you will create money or business value. Ok. Don't say to yourself, once I feel worthy, then I can make money. So the thing I'm going to do to build my business is work on my worthiness. Don't do that. You don't need to do that. You're delaying things. Ok. It's not the fastest way to create professional or business value or to get money in the bank. Ok, even if you work on your worthiness for hundred years. All right. You can still make money. All right, but what's going to what will depend on is what you do every day with the thoughts. That. Lead to worthiness are unworthiness with the thoughts that lead to confidence that will turn into you creating value in the world. It will depend on the specific thoughts you have that lead you to a feeling that lead you to take action. And whether or not that turns into money or not. Ok, so work on your worthiness, work, work on it. But work on it because it will help make life experiences better. And work on thoughts that will create the feelings of power and confidence and determination, because those are the thoughts.

Speaker2: [00:34:23] Work on thoughts that create those feelings of power and determination. In confidence because those feelings will then create business value. And give your colleagues and clients and customers transformation ahead of time and have you helping others and serving others because that's what leads to money. Ok, my friends, I hope this was helpful. You were all one hundred percent worthy. You were born worthy. You all have the ability to create thoughts that lead to feelings of confidence, power and determination that will help you create business value, solve problems, ask questions, create transformation. But those two models are two different ones. Two totally different things. But you have power to create both of them. All right. Reminder. If you want to 10x this work, and when I say 10x, what I mean is elevate yourself, give yourself an upgrade. Learn how to get your act together in all aspects of life. First, you kind of have to get your act together personally almost before we can work on the business stuff. But that's work to. So come join us inside committed to growth. I would love to have you this month as we work on worthiness for the whole entire month, it is not too late to join us. Head over to Andrea Libros for Apply. Fill out that mini application and you'll get all the details of how to get started in your inbox. Ok. My friends have a great week until next week. Remember now is the time to level up.

Speaker1: [00:36:25] Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host, Andrea Libros.

Speaker2: [00:36:31] If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode,

Speaker1: [00:36:35] I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Ok, now what about you? You've listened to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade, you then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.