44: How to Take Action When Thoughts Hold You Back

Andrea Liebross |

www.andrealiebross.com |

Episode 44

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host, business life coach Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career. And best of all. Live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up. Let's do this. Hey, my time to level up listeners. Welcome back to the podcast. So today I'm going to take another day of my from overwhelmed to accomplish Master Class Day two and share that with you. So on day two, we talked about why you're not taking action and time is ticking by and the reason we don't take action. If you've been following me for any time now is because of how we feel, but our thinking is triggering or creating our feelings. So I shared with you seven thoughts that lead you to not take action and gave you some ideas to change those thoughts around so that you do take action. And we are all human and we all have the same human tendencies. So I'm going to bet that you can relate to probably at least three or four of these. And this is not just about one aspect of your life. This is about all aspects of your life. Why are you not taking action in any area? So again, my mentor, coach Jody Moore, shared these kinds of things with me, and I am changing them and switching them and making them relatable, I think, to my audience. So sit back, buckle up and listen in to these seven thoughts that lead you to not take action.

Speaker2: [00:02:22] So if you did not join us yesterday, that is OK. There is nothing to stress about OK, because today's topic, while definitely related. You didn't miss Chapter one. They can be independent, little short stories, so you can go watch that little short story or listen to it on your own. When you have a minute, you should have gotten the replay. And today's short story is definitely in the same book. It's called From Overwhelmed to Accomplished, but it's its own short story in and of itself. All right, so you didn't miss anything. Here's what we're going to do today on day two. Well, first of all, I just want to remind you, a lot of my podcasts hit on some of these same topics. So if you have not yet subscribed or followed now, I think actually Apple has. If you have an iPhone, Apple has changed it to follow and not subscribe. If you've not followed or subscribed, go do that. And I always love reviews. Did you guys know that reviews or how more people see podcasts? Because depending on the number of reviews, somehow there's a formula which I don't really want to know about. But the more people that get this info, I think the bet makes our world a better place. So make sure you've got that podcast going. Another thing I wanted to point out I used to think Pinterest was only place where you went to if you wanted to find out how to cook chicken in a crockpot, but it is not.

Speaker2: [00:03:56] Pinterest is actually a place where there's a lot of good info. So I have started putting a lot of my free downloads on Pinterest, and you can actually follow me crazily enough on Pinterest, and there's lots of free downloads on there. You could also access the podcast that way. So Pinterest is not just for seven year old birthday parties or crockpot recipes, it's for other things. That's that was good news to me. And OK, something down here at the bottom. So if you don't know, I'm kind of launching with my friend and client Michel, a different brand because I like to make my life complicated and overwhelming. We're calling it your spark. So you are spark. You can follow us on Instagram with a little. This is supposed to be a little app sign underscore you are spark and we are starting some. We're calling them friendship fueled getaways. So doors are going to open on Friday for the friendship fueled getaway. The website is going to launch on Friday. This is very exciting. I suggest you go check it out and if you are in my group coaching, we're going to talk a little bit about friendship today. So stay tuned for that later on this afternoon. But this is just fun to follow. I don't do any of the Instagram posting is not my job.

Speaker2: [00:05:25] That is Michelle's job. So see what she's got up there and she's an artist, so she's kind of better at it than I am. I'll be honest about that. So I gave her that job, or we decided mutually that that would be her job. Ok. All right. So let's get going. So here's what we're doing. We're talking about how to overcome how to move from overwhelm to accomplished. And yesterday we went through the fact that there are two different kinds of stress which often cause overwhelm. There's the stuck stress. There's this stress when you feel like you are stuck and overwhelmed. But then there's actually a kind of good stress I'll call it, which I call progression stress, which you can use to move things forward. Ok? And then we decided at the end of yesterday that really what you have to do in order to move forward is to take action and get moving. We're going to talk about that more today. And then you have to tell yourself the truth, which is that sometimes what's preventing you from taking action and getting moving is that you're actually scared or fearful or worried that you're going to fail, OK? All about how you're feeling really is the truth. Ok, so today we're going to go, this is me making a mistake, by the way. Ok, we're going to go down to here, and we're going to talk about seven thoughts that actually stop you from accomplishing things.

Speaker2: [00:06:51] And I'm going to bet a million dollars, maybe even $3 billion, that you will find. One of those thoughts is something that you think at least what I'm going to guess, there's going to be at least five of them. I'm going to show that you're going to say, Yes, that's me. Ok, we're going to talk about how to change them. Going to have time for questions and answers. And then there's going to be a little bonus, OK, if you have questions. See, I have my chat box open. Feel free to put your questions in the chat box. I may not address them as you say them out loud, but. We will address all of them, I'm going to leave plenty of time for that. And if there's something that you want to get coached on in this realm? Hold that thought too, because I'm going to leave time for actual coaching. Ok. All right. So. Before I flip the page. Well, actually, let's flip. Ok. So when we flipped the page? If you've been working with me in the past, you know how I love the model, OK, the model is a framework of thinking about things. And to sum up the model. The model means that are there are facts in the world. We have thoughts about them. They trigger certain feelings, which then cause us to take action or not, which ultimately leads to a result.

Speaker2: [00:08:13] Ok, so really stress. I'm going to say. Could be. It could be a fact, or it could be a feeling almost right now when I say it could be a fact. Here's what I mean I thought about this last night and I didn't make any page on it, but I want to share this with you. There is the sensation of stress that we feel, and then there is the emotion or feeling of stress. And this is a good distinction to really think about. When I am talking about the sensation of stress, I want you to think about lifting weights. Ok. When you're lifting weights, you might say your muscles are stressed. Your body is feeling stress and that stress that you may get from lifting weights. That body sensation will travel to your mind. Ok, but it's actually something that might be helpful because it's telling your brain, Hey, guess what? Danger ahead? It's kind of signaling to them that injury is on the horizon, right? When you touch something super hot, your body becomes stressed. You're going to potentially can get burned. All right. That kind of stress is supposed to happen. It's there to protect your body. It's there to help your body recover or signal, like better recovering. Ok. It signals that you've reached a physical limit. That kind of stress is one thing. Ok, so if you've ever downloaded my list of feelings at the top are kind of feelings that are emotions, and at the bottom are the feelings that are more sensations.

Speaker2: [00:09:55] So what I'm talking about are the sensation kind of stress, and that's not such a bad thing. And it's kind of a fact that kind of it is a fact that that is our body's natural reaction. And I think it's good that we have that kind of stress. But then there is the emotion of stress, OK? And that doesn't start in our body. The emotion of stress starts in our brain. It starts in our brain. And we have thoughts that make that stress, the stuck stress or the progression kind of stress, the kind that makes us feel overwhelmed and worried and fearful and concerned about all the things that might happen in the future. Remember, stress is kind of about things that might happen in the future might bring us to a place where we feel fresher about things we can't control. But then there's the stress that starts in our brain that says, OK, we got this. We're going to do it. Let's go. Ok, so I want you to really notice the difference between the stress that starts in your body versus the stress that starts in your brain. Think about animals like we have two huge dogs like ginormous big dogs. You might have heard me talk about one of them.

Speaker2: [00:11:09] In particular, you look at her eyes and you can see the stress. She is stressed. The tail goes up, right? There's like physical stress showing in her body. I don't know. Actually, maybe Gina is a vet. She could tell us. Does she have like stress in her brain? I don't really know. But think about that. Right? So body, where it starts in your body versus starting in your brain, you can dismiss this stress if you want to. You have choices about the stress that starts in your brain. I have a friend who right now is super stressed out about the paint color of her house, so she paid money to have someone paint her house, and she thinks it's now the wrong color and she's wasted her money. But this morning, her child has come down with maybe COVID, we don't know. Ok, so guess what? When I talked to her this morning, she wasn't talking about the paint color anymore. She had the stress and switched to her sun stress in our minds. Ok is a way to help us focus on what we think at that moment is important. And this is actually kind of like a good thing that it helps us focus on what is important. What's not a good thing is if we stay stuck. So we have to identify, is this stress helping us grow or is it helping us stay stuck? And I think it's also beneficial when you're stressed to seek help from others.

Speaker2: [00:12:40] So that you can vent. Ok. There's also seeking help from others, so you can get through whatever is super tough and you don't stay in that victim space. There's the kind of help you can get with stress so that you can find tools and solutions so that you don't carry the stuck stress. You move it into progression stress. Ok, so the point, though, when our mind retreats and thinks if I just focus on this enough, it's all going to go away, I'll be able to figure it out. But I believe that sometimes that's not necessarily true and we need that person who's like, I like to say, you're stuck in the peanut butter jar. You need someone to help you read the label when you're in the jar. You can't read the label. So if you can have the tools, people, solutions on your team to help you read that label, that stuck stress goes away so much quicker. All right. I'm going to skip the motivational tryout I'm going to because this is a good segue into our seven thoughts that we have. I said I haven't met anyone that doesn't fit into one of these, our multiple of these seven categories when it comes to not taking action, not accomplishing something. So the reason I'm offering all of these to you is because when you become aware of why you're not accomplishing things, then you actually get some leverage over yourself.

Speaker2: [00:14:08] Ok, so we're not I'm not doing this so that you feel bad about it or judge yourself. These are all human thoughts. They're all human tendencies. But when you understand them, then you actually get leverage over yourself. So when you understand that also, your brain is always trying to keep you safe, efficient, make things easy. Ok. You also can recognize that you don't really want to operate always from the default thoughts or the default settings, but choose the thoughts with intention. All right, so here we go, ready for number one, who has had the thought that this is so important or this is not important at all. And if you are thinking this is so important, it sometimes creates that overwhelm. Ok, if you are thinking sometimes this is not important. It creates overwhelm. And here is what I mean by this when you try to make the thing you're trying to achieve too important. Ok, think about this when you're trying to make the thing you're trying to achieve too important. Then you often become stuck. All right, so I'm going to relate this to business for a minute. Ok. So if you're trying to create a product or service and to put out there in the world and help people and charge money for it, then you have a business, OK? And if your thought is that it really doesn't matter if I do this, I don't really need the money.

Speaker2: [00:15:49] I don't have to do it. I mean, we're going to be OK if I don't do it. It's just for fun. Then you've made it possibly not important enough. If you're not taking action and that's your thought. Ok, if your thought is this matters, this is super important. I have to do this. This is really important for whatever reason. Like sometimes I hear my clients say like, I have to bring in this money, we can't we my husband's exhausted and he has to start working less. I need to start. Maybe we need to. We each need to be contributing. This is like super important. We're counting on it. Ok, or you've gotten a degree and you said, we've paid all this money for my education or I've invested so much time and money into this so far. I have to make this work or I don't want to let anyone down. I have to make this amazing. See how we've made it so important that we kind of freeze up because it's so much pressure on us. We've put so much pressure on ourselves. Ok, so it doesn't need to be super important, and it also doesn't need to not matter at all. It has to be somewhere in the middle. It needs to be I'm going to do this and I'm committed.

Speaker2: [00:17:17] And this is a legit thing I want to put my time and effort into, and I'm perfectly capable of succeeding at it. And also, if I don't do it, it's OK. I'm no less of a person. I don't need to carry around this heavy burden. You know what? I don't need to bring home this money. We could figure out lots of different ways to make money. There's all sorts of options to make money. This doesn't have to be the thing. I could go work somewhere else. I could have a different product. So it doesn't matter how much time and money you've put in. It could be that something that you choose not to do at some point, and that would be OK. But also, wouldn't it be cool if it worked? Let's go. Let's see what we can do. Do you see what that middle kind of looks like? It's not super important. It doesn't make you more valuable. And it's also not not important that thought like if I don't make this work, it's OK or it's OK if I don't reach that goal because when I hear a lot. But does anybody like really, really, really? Look, you could always figure out other ways to do things. Ok, let's find something that does drive you, that does motivate you. You've got to be somewhere in the middle here. It doesn't matter. And it's, oh my god, the world's going to end.

Speaker2: [00:18:39] You've got to be somewhere in the middle because when you're on either end, it actually creates overwhelm and you don't accomplish anything. What's something that you think you've made so super important or not important enough that you're actually stuck on and that you would like to accomplish? Think about that. What something that's on either end of this spectrum. It's a good question to ask yourself. Super great question to ask yourself. Ok. Ready for number two. Number two. You think that you need to feel like it? Ok. I can relate to this month. Some days. I'm supposed to sit down and write a dozen emails, and I hear the little voice inside my head say, I don't feel like it. It's normal for our brains to say that. But what you have to do is recognize that not feeling like it isn't a valid reason to not do it. So what if you don't feel like it? Think about how many things you do every day that you don't feel like doing. I will say I don't feel like emptying the dishwasher. I do it. I actually don't feel like it a lot. Writing content, I like writing this kind of content, I don't like writing some other kinds of content. I don't really like I really don't think of myself as a writer. I don't love it. I don't feel like it, but I do it.

Speaker2: [00:20:19] Think about if you have a baby. I'm sure even if you don't have a baby, you've seen a baby. Ok. Changing a baby's messy diaper. Does anyone want to change a baby's messy diaper? No. But we do it because we love and care about the baby. Think about making lunch for someone. Sometimes I like say, what about my lunch? Ok, but we do it, we make lunch for other people, sometimes OK, because they need to eat. Ok. So I love to tell myself this is a great thought. You might want to write it down. I love to tell myself, you know, you're not entitled self to feel like it all the time, it's fine. It's OK if you don't feel like it. Let's just go. Let's just do it. I hear you. I hear you don't want to do it, but think how amazing it's going to feel to get it done, especially because I don't feel like doing it. Those are the things that I'm going to look back and go, Hey, thanks for doing that, because that was really useful. You did that thing. So glad that we did that on Monday, OK? Especially because we didn't feel like it. We've got the whole week ahead now in front of me. I got it. I got it done on Monday. Ok, so let's go. All right, super interesting. All right, number three, you're ready for number three. Number three is. It didn't

[00:21:48] Work. It didn't work.

Speaker2: [00:21:53] It didn't work or it won't work. Who has said that? It didn't work or it won't work. I think we all have said that it just won't work. I should just not even try. Imagine. If we went around thinking I just shouldn't try. I just didn't try. It's not going to work, so why am I even like? Going to that place. Ok. And when we say that, here's what I want you to think about, you know what we're really doing. We're playing the short game. We're playing the short game. We're like, Hey, I'm going to do this thing. Let's see if it works. Oh, my gosh, it didn't work. I guess it won't work again, or I won't try again or the thing that we think we're going to try. There's a pretty high chance it won't work. That's playing a short game. Ok, now I had sort of a light bulb moment for light bulb awareness. Of this, right when the pandemic started. Ok. How many of us thought like this online school thing, it's never going to work. How are they going to get a high school of 1000 kids to learn online now we can make lots of arguments that the learning was not the same and we can have a whole discussion about that. But somehow the world figured it out. We figured out how to get groceries, even if we couldn't go to the grocery store. Ok. But there were moments in the middle of March of 2020 that we all said this will never work.

Speaker2: [00:23:28] But we didn't give up. We had to figure it out, so think about weight loss. All right. And I thought, like, what if I thought about my food in this way, what if I stopped getting angry because I hadn't lost a pound this week or I was thinking that I should be over feeling deprived of sugar or cravings of peanut butter right away? And in being so impatient about it, what if I just knew? Ok, that if I kept. Not eating sugar. It would actually help. Ok, so I realize that this could be true with my food and my body, and it was. And that is true in your business as well. My friends, the things that you need to be doing to accomplish things are just easy, simple things. But if you're playing the short game, if you're wanting to see the result tomorrow or this week, you're going to stop doing it. So my advice, my new thought is play the long game. Just keep doing the things over and over again, knowing it's going to take some time, but it's going to be worth it when we get there. I'm just going to keep doing these things that are actually really easy to do, like to listen to something like this today. This is actually pretty easy to do, to listen to it.

Speaker2: [00:24:49] Ok. This is like something if you keep thinking listening to this kind of stuff, things will change if you keep putting one foot in front of the other things will change. If you keep chipping away at whatever the next best thing is in your business or at work, it will change. Ok. Right. So keep doing these things that are actually really easy to do. Just trust that at some point it will catch up. Don't play the short game. That is number three. Ok, so you're with me. Ok, moving on. To number number four, we. We kind of make everything about us, and we sometimes have the thought they won't like me. Or this thing is not good enough. We make it about us. Ok. As soon as I make it about me, it's really hard to get myself to do anything in my business. All right, so if I'm going to do if I'm doing this master class and I'm thinking, I wonder if they're going to like it. I wonder if they're going to think, I know what I'm talking about. I wonder if people are going to be there, who I think are smarter or better than me. Ok. I wonder if they're going to judge me. I wonder if this is going to pay off for me in some way. I wonder if I should make sure I get a return on this some way if I make it about me.

Speaker2: [00:26:23] I wonder what I should be wearing. I wonder if my hair is going to look OK today, OK? As soon as I make it about me. I do not want to prepare for this at all. But the good news is it's never about me. Even though my brain wants to think sometimes it's all about me, it's not so as soon as I redirect to wonder who will be there, who might really need to hear this message today? It makes it really easy to work on this. Ok. Again, here it's really little subtle shifts, and I know I'm making about me when I think I hope there's tons of people there because why would I want to expect for selfish reasons? I'm just like, I hope that through the speaking experience, I get lots of exposure and lots of people learn about me in my business. That's sort of making it about me. For me, anyway, I know that is so what I do is I go to I hope whoever needs to hear this message is there. And if there's one person that's listening today who benefits from hearing this message? It made it all worth it. That was a good use of my time. So, so. If you can help one person, if I can help one person. I mean. Ok, so if I was expecting when I opened up my Zoom today, OK, they were going to be two hundred people and there were only twenty.

Speaker2: [00:27:59] I think that these are the 20 that need to hear what I've got to say. Let's go. These are the 20 that I could possibly help. I'm so excited that they're here, but every time we make it about us, it gets harder and harder to take action. So if you're trying to sell something, if you're trying to create something, if you're trying to put something out in the world, if you're trying to build a business, if you're trying to even raise kids as soon as you make it about you. And if this is when I when I say to myself, I just want to be a good mom. That's how we're making it about us. It's very painful. Good moms do this. I should do it. I should do this for my kids. That's not going to work because it's not about you. It's about the people you're helping. It's about your kids. It's about your clients. Ok, so making it about you, not great. Ok. So Kristin said she went to a meeting. Looks like when she walked into the room, she didn't really know who these people were in terms of what their. Roles were and she's happy she didn't, because then her brain would have gone to all sorts of places, they're smarter than me, they're better than me because there was a doctor and a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist.

Speaker2: [00:29:23] Other trainers isn't that interesting when you worry about who's going to be in the room, all of a sudden your head goes to places. But if you don't know, you don't know. Think about that. It's also that it's not good enough. You're worrying about what people are going to think about it. I'm not good enough. It was really what you're saying. And then you don't accomplish anything. Right. This if you listen to anything, this is where the a plus work. Not so great. Just go for the B minus. Ok, this is a concept. But we could talk about two. Another day. In coaching. Ok. All right, number five. All right, I just wrote, I'm overwhelmed. We can put anything here. Basically, we indulge in indulgent emotions. Ok, this is a strange term that we use in the world of life coaching indulgent emotions. Ok, so I'm going to explain to you what I mean by it, but I think it's an interesting thing to become aware of. Ok. Again, I want to caution you to not start judging yourself, because when I use the term indulging in emotion, sometimes people start judging themselves. We all indulge in indulgent emotions all the time. We have good reason for it. Ok, so these indulgent emotions are mainly the three, the confusion, the overwhelm and the indecision. Ok. When really focusing on these three, but I'm not saying this is an all inclusive list, but the ones I see most often are indecision, confusion and overwhelm.

Speaker2: [00:31:07] We call them indulgent emotions because we indulge in them. It's just easier to sit around, feeling confused, feeling unsure about what to do. About which what's the right choice? What's the what's the right school to send someone to, what's the right name to name this? What's the right program to use? What's the right agenda? What's the right website or colors or the right business model? What's the right offer? What's the right price? We just sit around being unsure. It's much safer than going forward and taking action and putting work out there and making offers. Ok. It's a lot easier than getting down, actually doing the work we need to do in our business, so we just indulge in I'm confused. I can't decide. I've never done this before. I'm just overwhelmed. I don't know there's so much to do, I'm just I don't even know where to begin. Ok. As though think about this as though there's a right place to begin. We all know it doesn't matter, just dove in and get moving. How many of you have shared something with a friend? Like, I don't know, I just don't know what to do. And they're just like, just don't. Right, the person from the outside can totally see that. Like, I know, but like, how do I start? Or what do I start with? Or I mean, I guess I should watch a few more YouTube videos before I do anything.

Speaker2: [00:32:34] Ok. So again, not to judge yourself. The idea with this tool is that you go, Oh. That's all I'm doing. The indecision and the confusion and the overwhelm, they're not facts. People tell me them as if their facts. Ok. But they are not facts. Ok. There's no right place. Ok. But people tell me, like they just can't decide, they're just telling me kind of like, I just can't decide, like my name is, I can't decide. I'm Andrea and I'm forty nine and I can't decide which target market to focus my business on. Now, that's a decision, which is good news because you can make a decision any time. But human brains can make decisions any time, this is great news. Ok? Deciding to be undecided is a decision. The solution is just to make a choice and own it. And don't wonder if it's the wrong choice or what someone else is going to think, just move forward. The same, the same with overwhelm. Just choose not to be overwhelmed. Choose not to be confused, right? Do you know what? I can actually choose to not be confused. Did you know I can do that? You can just choose to not be confused? Your brain is going to tell you, I'm just so confused and you say, No, we're not. If we weren't confused, what would we say if we weren't confused? What would we do next? If we don't know, what would we say? It's just it's actually just a simple redirect of your brain.

Speaker2: [00:34:16] Ok. So don't indulge in indulgent emotions. All right, number six. We're afraid of rejection or failure. Ok, which I purposely put after indulgent emotions, because that's what's going to come up next. Ok, we kind of touched on this a little bit yesterday, but if I said, Hey, flip a coin, what comes up for you, you're like, Well, are we going for heads or tails? What if it lands on heads? Is that the right one? And what are you looking for? You didn't tell me. It is it heads, if we get heads, what happens if we get tails, what happens? We're afraid we're going to fail. We're going to get the wrong thing is going to happen. Ok? What if it doesn't work? What if people don't like me? What if people judge me for it? What if people don't know what I'm talking about? Ok, so Michelle and I have gone through a lot of this in the last month as we've been planning this your spark thing. We have been worried about. What if people don't know what we're talking about? What if the words we're using, they're like, What? Ok? And there's probably going to be some of that. What? But that's OK. What if people laugh at me? What if we don't get the result we're trying to create? And the answer is, it's OK, we learn something and then we try again.

Speaker2: [00:35:38] So you have to be up for rejection and failure, you guys. If you're going to accomplish anything, you have to be up for failure and rejection. And here's the thing. It doesn't have to mean all the dramatic things that you make, it means. Bail is such a powerful word, and I think it comes from when we're in first grade and we know what an f means. But you don't have to make it mean any of that. It's much easier. It's much easier. It doesn't have to mean any of that. When you recognize that you're afraid of rejection and failure. Ok. You actually can make the choice to never reject yourself. I will never call myself or my business a failure. I just say, OK, let's go. That didn't necessarily work. I'm going to tweak it. Change it. Move on. And if I show up and I try a bunch of things and I put a bunch of work out there and I do what I can to create the results I'm looking for, I'm trying to create my business. And it doesn't get me the end result. I was thinking or hoping it would. I'm going to just thank myself for showing up. I'm not going to berate myself for getting it wrong. I'm not going to tell myself I'm a failure, right? Or bring up a bunch of doubt.

Speaker2: [00:36:58] You just get to choose ahead of time. Again, here's a choice. Ok? You just get to choose ahead of time. There's really nothing to fear. And that, yes, some people won't like it and some people will judge it, and that's OK, I'm not for everyone. I'm not trying to speak to everyone in my business. I'm not trying to help everyone. I'm just trying to help a select group of people, the people that want to be helped. Let's just talk to them. Let's go help them. So if you've ever found yourself like trying to convince people like, Oh my gosh, you really, you really should do this, you really should do this. That's you trying to avoid. Failing because you want them to be all in. Right now, I like to say in my business, I like to work with people who are all in. And what's been really interesting is that the people who. Have not probably gotten what they needed to get out of coaching. Haven't been all in. That doesn't mean I failed. That just means it wasn't for them. Bernie Brown, you guys probably are familiar with Bernie Brown. Ok. She says that nobody's ever going to judge you, who's ahead of you in the game. Nobody's ever going to judge you, who's ahead of you in the game. They won't. The only people that come along and judge you and criticize you are the people that are behind you.

Speaker2: [00:38:37] And I'm not saying that it's a competition or race, I'm just saying people who have already done and are doing things beyond where you're at in your pursuit and you're trying to accomplish, they're not looking back at you and judging you. They're usually cheering you on, right? The people who have gotten their business to the place where everything's automated, they are cheering you on and saying, Girlfriend, you get those systems going. Let's go. They're not judging you for not having them. The people who have sold millions and trillions of dollars in real estate, they are not judging you, they're saying you can do this to. Right. Ok, so the only people judging you are the people either sitting on the sidelines, not playing at all. They're sitting on the sidelines, they're not playing or the people that are behind you and feel threatened and jealous. That's it. So it's OK, let's not worry about them. Let's think about all the other people that we can help, all the other people that are cheering you on. Don't be afraid of failure in rejection. Don't reject yourself that yourself. That's the only thing you. That's the only thing that matters in the end. Yes. Isn't this mind blowing? So crazy. Ok, last one. Here is the most famous I don't know what to do next. I mean, how am I just going to solve this problem? There's so many things I like to do list.

Speaker2: [00:40:06] I don't know what to do next. How do I decide what to do on my to do list, or even if I decide which project to tackle? What's the next step? Has anyone ever said that? I mean, I don't know. Ok, now we just talked about indulgent emotions. We talked about being confused, we talked about being undecided and how being undecided and being confused, it's not a real thing. And I'm going to still stand by that. But I also think that there's something to be said from learning from those who have done what you're trying to do. There's something to be said for somebody giving you ideas or even giving you just a sounding board to get your ideas out of your brain. There's something to be said for surrounding yourself with people who are willing to listen and who are willing to help. You might try this. Ok. They might say, Hey, have you considered that? Or do you know about this tool or do you know about the strategy? I mean, that's how I built my business. Yes, I make decisions, but I make decisions based on information I get from people who have already done what I'm trying to do because people who are really good at things that I'm just learning about now can help me people who are good at things that I'm brand new to or that at least haven't mastered them at the same level that I haven't mastered them at the same level that they have.

Speaker2: [00:41:46] I can learn from them. I can get guidance and support and support can honestly just be you having that space to talk. And then from the options you might get. From having them in your circle. Ok, I think I make much more confident decisions, and I have my own back and I can move forward. When I am when I surround myself in a space where people are interested, people are interested, so I don't know what to do next or I've never done this before. Those shouldn't be thoughts because someone does know what to do and someone has done this before. Most likely. Ok. You just need to find those people so that you can get rid of this thought and be open to having them help you. Ok, what we're going to do tomorrow is I'm going to try to help you stay grounded. And see the opportunities ahead of you so that, again, you can move forward and start to accomplish things because staying grounded is tough. One day you're like, I got it right, I'm good, I got it the next day you're like. Wtf? I don't know what's happening. Ok. What am I supposed to do? It can change minute by minute, even though tomorrow we're going to talk about staying grounded and we're going to talk about seeing the opportunity.

Speaker2: [00:43:22] Ok. All right, so I'm just going to mention, I always love to mention. There's lots of ways that you can find support that I can give you. Number one is my podcast. It's all free. Number two, I do these classes every once in a while. Number three are all the free downloads that you can find on Pinterest or on my website at the bottom. And then number four is some coaching. You got lots of options, one on one coaching group coaching. I do these things called deep dives. This is called this group. Coaching is called committed to growth CTG. And what it does is it helps you manage your mind. Ok, so I'm going to be honest, no one really just enrolls in coaching without having a conversation with me. So I welcome you to have a conversation because it's hard to know what's right for you if it is right for you. So you can go to my website, you can go to the group coaching page, you really can go to any page and set up a conversation. All right. Now for that, who's got questions? What came up for you? Which out of those seven things? Who needs coaching like I am here, either take yourself off mute. Put it in the chat box. I do have some questions that were submitted ahead of time, but I'm here for you guys who showed up.

Speaker2: [00:44:37] Tell me. And if you do have to hop off, I really want to know from you what you thought about today. Because I always like the feedback, so put it in the chat box if you have to hop off before you hop off. But anyway. Ok. Christine, Sarah, Sandy Morgan Monday. Mary. John, Gina, Erin. Cindy, Amy. What are you guys thinking? Or do you have this all under control and you never have any of these thoughts? I have a question for thought. Hi. Hi. So I listening to you realize that I tend to get stuck in knowing what I need to get help with, but thinking I don't have time to allow myself to get that help. Hmm. Isn't that interesting? Because somebody is going to tell me that I spent too much time working on X Y Z and then I go into, well, I should already know how to do this thing, even though and I'm thinking about my work and my company, there are people set up who are around to help, right? Like, that's the real job. So imagine that, yeah, I tend to go in that, you know, circle in my mind that I'm not. When I go into the whole downward spiral, like I'm I'm not good enough, I should already know this by, OK? Why didn't I learn this the last time? Ok, so there's two parts I think to this. Ok, so number one is it sounds to me like you have spent some time trying to figure it out, OK? And you hesitate for going.

Speaker2: [00:46:18] Going for the help. Ok, right? Then when you go for the help and you're like, Why did I wait so long to go for the help? How stupid was that? I could've should've just gone to them and me. Ok. That's kind of one thought and one scenario. Ok. Then there's the other scenario with I should already know this. What's my problem? Right? Ok, so those are two separate things that are happening. Ok. They sound like they're all together, but those are two separate things. So first, I want to point that out to you. Why do you think we wait to go find help? What do you think? The whole thing that somebody is going to think this girl needs way too much help? Ok? You know, there's there's lots of there's lots of things, lots of reasons. Right? Ok, so notice, look at this. So I'm going to say the circumstance is the circumstance is just something. Ok. You haven't experienced yet. It's like you didn't read that chapter yet. You don't read the chapter yet. Ok. You don't read the chapter. So your thought is. Well, I mean, I could go read the chapter. Ok? I mean, I'm capable of reading this chapter, right? So I'm going to hold off. I'm not going to go yet. To ask for help.

Speaker2: [00:47:39] Ok, your other thought is like, what are they going to say if I do go ask for help? Ok, so what are they going to say? Ok, your thought is what are they going to say? Ok, and you're you're basically you're telling yourself, they're going to say something negative. Ok, so you're going to tell me you should have read the chapter or read the chapter. It's going to make you feel whatever they say is going to make you feel bad. Right. Ok, so that's sending a message to your brain like, well, don't go. Don't go. But I want you to notice that this feeling bad is an option. Right. Ok, because whatever the words are that they come out of their mouth, whatever words that come out of their mouth, even if you should already know this, you have a thought about those words. Ok, and your thought about those words is really what's making you feel bad? Not the words themselves. Yeah, because you could be like, Oh my gosh, I'm so glad he told me that next time I will go read the chapter. Thank you so much. Ok. And usually that's not their answer. They often just tell me the one thing that I missed, even if I did read the chapter like, there's this talk. So, so yesterday. I don't know if you've watched yesterday. So you were on yesterday's. Remember we had yesterday. Ok, so there was a part yesterday when I said, What if you're wrong? What is the thought? What if what you're predicting in this whole scenario is actually wrong? You just said nine times out of 10.

Speaker2: [00:49:14] They say there, they don't say you suck. Right, right, right. Right. Ok, so you're wrong. What if you're wrong? You're wrong? You've created this whole scenario, this whole potential feeling bad, which is driving you to no action, right? Which then gets you nowhere. Right by your own thinking. Go, and even if they did say something OK, even if they did say something like you should have, you should know this already. You still have the choice to think about that anyway you want. Mm hmm. You could say thank you. Like, OK, do you know how many people who get fired wish they would have known ahead of time what was really what their thoughts, what their boss's thoughts were about them three months ago? You know, many people say, I wish they would have told me before. I mean, I would have changed something. Right. So you could say, Oh, aren't I lucky that they're actually telling me I should have read Chapter four? Right. So it's like notice this is all your thoughts that's creating this whole drama. Yeah. It's not letting you not making helping you accomplish anything. Isn't that amazing, amazing. Ok, so something that I'm going to touch in if you're in committed to growth, I don't think I'm gonna touch on it today.

Speaker2: [00:50:43] But next week is that we also go like Mary's, probably also waiting for the perfect time to ask. Right, right. Ok. Or like the perfect person or the perfect whatever. Ok, so she's trying to wait for the perfect circumstance. There is no perfect circumstance. Ok, we're going to talk about that in group, but notice like you're waiting for the perfect. There's no such thing as perfect. I used to hate my husband's like, this is not a good time to discuss this, like he would come home when my kids are really little and I would be tearing my hair out, they were like four and two and he would say, Listen, I cannot talk about anything right now. This is not the perfect time. And I finally threw that out the window and I was like, No, what with you, buddy? There is no perfect time, so we're just going to talk about now. And it seems to be OK, like I'm still married. So there's no perfect time, there's no perfect time. Ok. There's no perfect person either. So I think you just go ask how much aggravation you'd save yourself. Yeah. Think of how much faster you'd work through these projects. Yeah. Crazy stuff. Yeah, crazy stuff. Ok, so I really want you to examine your thoughts like, what are they going to say? Is one thought. The other thought is, you know, you get mad at yourself like, I should have done something different.

Speaker2: [00:52:17] That doesn't help you, either. That's going down another trail. But that's not getting anywhere great. That's making you feel horrible. Ok, but you're creating the thoughts about just even you asking and you not having experience in whatever it is or needing an opinion. I'm going to guess in your line of work, it would be great to have some input often. Yeah, that's true. I think the what if I'm wrong question is, is a good question. What if I'm wrong about myself, right? What if I'm wrong that they're going to think x y z? Yeah. Yes. Right. Yeah. So, John, he's wondering if he should work in a group because he's new in this arena, better. Is it better to cut my teeth alone or within a group? Ok. As you're an apprentice of sorts, well, guess what? Is there a right answer to that? No. Ok, first of all, OK. And I always think you can work alone, but you can create your own board of directors. Ok, so this is a great concept that some of you might be familiar with if you're talking, if you feel like you're not accomplishing things because you're alone. Ok, then, who's on your board of directors? Who are the people that you can go to to ask for guidance? Who do you need on that team? Right, what kinds of questions do you have? So I don't think there's a right answer to this, like doing it alone or joining a group like being employed by someone else or being part of a formal kind of team.

Speaker2: [00:54:05] Ok, I just want to. And even if you were part of a formal kind of team who would be on your board of directors, ultimately all the choices and decisions and confusion or lack of that is up to you. But this is this is what you have to kind of consider. What do you have on your board of directors, Andrea? I mean, do you have kind of that figured out? I kind of think of it like this as a as an entrepreneur. I have someone that I go to and helps me with all the financial stuff. Ok, I've got someone that helps me with all of the tech stuff, which I'm not super friendly with. I have someone that helps me. I have some of that. I was talking about writing content. I have someone. Sometimes that helps me do that. I have someone. I have an online business manager or VA. Ok, I have someone who produces my podcast, so I know that something I want to do, I just don't know how to do it. All right, so who can I have on my team that can help me make stuff happen and guide me? That's what I do. So. When you're thinking about your board of directors, OK, if you don't have the right people on the board of directors, so you're like, Oh, I don't want to pay for that, OK, I don't want to pay for that because I'm I'm no, I'm going to.

Speaker2: [00:55:29] In the end, it's going to cost money and I need that money. Ok? What I sometimes see is by them not having someone to help them. This line, it stops. They reach the tipping point and they can't increase their quality of life or they can't grow their business anymore. Ok. Because they are wasting so much time, money and brainpower on trying to figure it out themselves, like their future thinking, like their future fear of what could happen in the future by spending money, for example, is preventing them this line from growing. Like, I can only do so much right. Like I only have how many one hundred and sixty eight hours in a week. Like, I can't produce a podcast and write emails and put content out and coach like I do. I don't know. Some weeks it's like twenty hours a week. Some weeks it's 30. Whatever it is like, it varies every week. But I can't do all that and be a mom and do all the things I want to do in my personal life. I can't sew, and if I want to keep growing in touching more people and influencing more people, then I need to start to get people on my board of directors or else how many times you've heard someone like I'm so burnt out like I can't do.

Speaker2: [00:56:43] One more thing starts going like this. I have a client right now. I had kind of like a come to Jesus with her, and I said, Listen, you wanting to try to figure out everything yourself is preventing you from growing. You are not accomplishing anything. You, in fact, are feeling completely overwhelmed. By not outsourcing anything, she's like, yeah, but I feel like I should know how to do it all. That was my answer. I should know how to do it all. And right in this week, she's a real estate agent. She's like in this week. You know, it's not super busy. Like, I could spend five hours trying to figure this out. As I give it, what if you spent five hours doing something else that actually would help this line keep going? So I finally convinced our. And he has been messaging me, thanking me every day for helping her find people to help her. I don't even know this is like amazingness. Why did I wait so long? Talk about Mary and her. Why did I wait so long kind of question? Why did I wait so long? She's like, this is so open, like I feel free. Her whole demeanor actually has changed. It's very interesting. So that overwhelm, like panicky kind of thing is gone.

Speaker2: [00:58:03] Anyone else have a question? I have a related question to what you just said, and I don't know if it's for today or OK. Spit it out. Who cares? We'll see today. Ok, I have just learned how to accept help. Thanks to you and hallelujah. And I'm like, What the heck took so long? But my question is, how do I get someone else on board? To accept help because we need more help, and I'm a business owner with my husband, and he's right, he's that guy that. Nope, not this week. Next week. No, we don't have the money. No, no, no. But he's his he's going to have a heart attack. Like, it's scary. Ok, if you don't get more help, right? You and I can I talk about this? Ok? So, OK, so I'm going to say. I think for your first of all, there's a couple of ways to go about this. It's really hard. I'm just going to be honest to change, to get someone else to think something right. We've all experienced that. We all know that. Ok, so it's really hard. So I want you to really just stay with yourself. Ok, and we're going to talk about being grounded tomorrow. That'll probably help you, but I want you to really just stay with yourself and. Ask yourself. Does he have to be on board? What's the worst thing that can happen? If he's not on board and you go ahead and have someone help you with whatever the next challenge is.

Speaker2: [00:59:47] It's the worst thing that can happen. Uh, it will be miserable in the House for. A while. Right? And how are you going to feel when it's miserable in the house? Miserable, too. Yeah. Right. Ok, so I want you to notice that what's preventing you from moving forward? You know, the getting this help is going to help this line keep going forward. Right. You know that you've done the research even right, you know. Ok, so notice what's preventing you from moving forward is just a feeling you don't want. But if he if you if you do not get help. Ok, so which miserable do we want to live in? They both don't sound great to me. Ok. And I want you to know the reason we always want someone else to be on board, whether it's our kid or our business partner or our spouse or partner. The reason, even like right now, I'm dealing with my parents, like I really want my mom to be on board or my dad to be on board with what I think. Ok, the reason I want that is because my thought is, if they're on board, I will feel so much better. All right, we want them to be on board because we think we're going to feel better. Which might be true to an extent until the next thing happens.

Speaker2: [01:01:13] They're not on board, getting someone on board is really just a safety thing for ourselves, it feels safer. But notice without getting this extra help in your business kind of becoming happily too big, you know, you can't manage it any more, which is a good problem. Ok? It it doesn't feel safe anyway, like the business doesn't feel safe anyway. You feel kind of out of control. Right, so that's not safe, either. So I would trade the miserable. Getting help and feeling miserable for a little while until he either realizes how amazing it is or you kind of go through the muck, I'd trade that miserable then the miserable of staying stuck in the quicksand. So there's also this whole element of like permission in a sense, like you want them to be on board because then it's like you're getting permission. Right, that's kind of like in the back of our heads, too. And you have to give yourself permission. You have to give yourself permission to do it and trust yourself. Ok, this is hard. That's a hard thing. We can talk about that more. But notice you're not accomplishing what you're wanting to accomplish because you're feeling overwhelmed by even the thought of bringing up the getting the help or like nailing him down. And you can sometimes say, like, I have made like almost like, do it and ask for forgiveness later.

Speaker2: [01:02:44] That's a great thing. Ladies and gentlemen, doing it and asking for forgiveness later because you want this line to keep going. You're at that tipping point. It's like he's playing it too safe. Like he's researching not just the seatbelts, but now he's researched the tail lights and the backup cameras, and he's not making a decision. I'm buying the new car. He's still driving around the car from nineteen eighty because he hasn't done all the research. Meanwhile, like driving that car around nineteen eighty, not helping anymore, right? We just got to decide and do it, man. We're buying a car with some backup camera. I'm not sure which one, but it's going to have a backup camera in it, so it's going to be better. All right, I'm going to leave you. Let me know. Tell me what was helpful today. I want to tie this all back, actually to one thing that I even mentioned. Notice how staying and overwhelm is sucking time. You could get so much time back if you change some of your thinking. Notice that that was kind of my tie into time. Look at how much time you are wasting worrying about all this stuff. All right, I'm ready. Have a great rest of your Wednesday, and I will see you on Thursday, invite anyone you want to join you and or watch the replay, they want the replay they need to register even if they're never going to be here. Ok. All right, see ya. Thank you.

Speaker1: [01:04:08] Hey. Time to level up, listeners. What'd you think of that? Notice at the end, I talked a lot about surrounding yourself with people who are interested in you and interesting because when you do that, you do create a sounding board for your thoughts. Right? Again, when you're stuck in the peanut butter jar, you can't read the label. It's really sometimes hard to figure out what you're thinking and why it's not working, or why you don't know what to do. But when you're with people who are also in the process of growing, you can often learn from them. So I encourage you to think about who you are surrounding yourself with as we get older. I've noticed, too, that our friends change. Sometimes we outgrow our old friends and need some new friends or friends that have a similar way of thinking to our mature adult brain kind of thinking, although we can all regress and act like we're back in junior high. The people that maybe we hang out with in junior high aren't necessarily the people that we want to be hanging out when we're 50 or 40 or even 35 or 30 or 60. So who are those people? If you need some new people to hang out with? Reach out, reach out to me.

Speaker1: [01:05:33] I can make some suggestions as to where to find those new people. I can also help you analyze what you're thinking. I would love to chat with you. Feel free to set up a call via the website or just direct message me. And if you think this episode would be helpful for someone else, take a screenshot or share it. I would appreciate it. Ok, my friends, until next time, always remember there's no better time than to up your game and level up than there is right now. Have a great week! Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host Andrea Libros. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Ok, now what about you? You listen to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade you then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible

Speaker2: [01:06:57] In life and business

Speaker1: [01:06:59] And have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.