185: How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure

Welcome to the Time to Level Up Podcast. I'm your host, Andrea Liebross. Each week, I focus on the systems, strategy, and big thinking you need to CEO your business and life to the next level. Are you ready? Let's go.

Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the Time to Level Up Podcast. If you're listening to this episode in real-time, it is the beginning of July. In the next day or two, I am going to release the relaunch plans for the Time to Level Up Podcast.

The podcast is staying here. It's staying on your same channels, but we are relaunching it with a new name. To celebrate that, we are doing lots and lots of giveaways.

If you are not on my mailing list yet, you need to get on it to be part of some of these free giveaways and to hear all of the news of the relaunch. I will put a link in the show notes to a way to get on that news, on that mailing list. You can also head over to Instagram and find me @andrea.liebross.coaching.

You're probably going to see some of the details there, but the best way is really to get on the email list, so link below to do that. Also, you can head over to the website and you'll see a link at the bottom in the footer as well to get on that list.

Today's episode was inspired by a coaching call I had a couple of weeks ago where one of my clients was about to open a new studio space. It is a bigger space. It's a space that's going to allow her to invite her clients in and work with them in person side by side.

She's doing a grand opening celebration to go with this. I'm going to get to be part of it. By the time you're listening to this, we will have already done it because it is in June, the middle of June, but I'm recording ahead of time.

Hey, this is one of my things, my friends, I'm trying to get five weeks ahead in podcast recording. Stacey, producer, if you're listening, I'm doing this, I'm doing it. I'm recording this at the very end of May, but it won't air until the beginning of July.

In the middle of that time, I'm going to get to go to this grand opening of the studio space for one of my clients. On the coaching call the other day, she said to me, “I just feel overwhelmed. There are so many things I need to put in place for this launch,” and I said, “Okay, I hear you, there are lots of things but what's the worst thing that could happen if you don't get all of the things together?”

And she said, "Well, it will be a fail." I said, "Well, who's going to think it's a fail? These people don't even know what you have planned. They have zero expectations." She said, "Well, it's really not going to be a fail, but they're going to judge me." Ding, ding, ding. This is fear of judgment.

This is one of the nine most common fears that entrepreneurs have. It was like the bell rang. I said, "This is one of the nine most common fears." There is a previous podcast episode that Stacey is going to link in the show notes that is about the nine most common fears.

I am not going to go through those again. But I do want to remind you that usually, the real problem here that my client was having was not all the things that were happening, not all the pieces of the puzzle, but that she was feeling and fearing failure, which is really just another confidence issue, but it revolves around judgment or feelings, not so great feelings.

In fact, according to a study—I think I've quoted this study before—the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor surveys global entrepreneurs globally. Depending on the country, up to 60% of people would not start a business due to fear of failure.

They have nothing to base that on. They haven't failed before. If you're viewing yourself or your skills as not good enough, that kind of judgment is going to lead you to the fear of failing, and one of those fears is not being seen as good enough, which is what she was describing.

The people that were going to come to the studio opening were going to judge her. This fear of failure is really linked to, again, self-worth and pride. Thinking about what other people will think about is really you're creating a picture of humiliation. We're thinking about what they're going to think.

You're not picturing people cheering you on. You're picturing people being like, "That wasn't good enough. She could have done that better." Not being seen is good enough. All right, so in the coaching call, then we went on to how do I solve this? What do I do? She's like, “Okay, Andrea, great, great, great.”

I gave her lots of ways. If you go into the She Thinks Big book in chapter one, you're going to find all the ways. Okay, I spelled them all out. Here is what I really, really, really think it is all about. The best way to solve any of this really comes down to the people you surround yourself with.

As I was preparing this morning to record these podcasts, this one and I recorded another one before this, I took a little break and I was scrolling through Instagram. I happened to come upon a post. I'm going to give you the details of it and I will actually put a link to this post in the show notes as well.

I came across a post that really just honestly summed up what's the difference between the most successful people and the happiest people who are successful. By the way, some people are successful but they're happy, so the happy plus successful people, those people who don't worry necessarily or don't let what other people might think of them stop them.

There was a post by someone named Brandon M.D. Dawson Diversify, that came across my Instagram. What it did, it was a clip of this guy, some guy talking a long time ago and I can tell that this was a long time ago based on the quality of the video, but here is what this guy said, “What is it that's different between the people that succeed in life and those that don't?” The difference—this is according to a Harvard study as he was reporting it—the difference is determined by what he called “your reference group.”

Your reference group is the people that you surround yourself with, and that you eventually associate with. What he found in working with people is that changing a person's reference group totally transformed the way they think and perceive themselves.

Why? It's because we are all kind of chameleons and we absorb through the skin the attitudes, opinions, the behaviors of the people with whom we associate most of the time.

If you start to associate with winners most of the time, you find that they have a totally different worldview. They're positive, they're upbeat, they're focused, they're learning, they're growing. What are they doing? What they're doing, you start to do the same things.

The people you surround yourself with really impact your happiness. 85% of our happiness or unhappiness in life has to do with our relationships. Choose your relationships or the people you're hanging out with wisely.

Now, I'm not talking about your partner relationship. I'm talking about your other entrepreneurs out there relationships. Do you have relationships with other entrepreneurs or not?

One of the things that this client said, she's like, "When I get off these coaching calls, I feel amazing." Why? Because she has been surrounding herself with people who are also winning, who are also working hard, and who are also in the business of succeeding.

Then sometimes when you get back to your normal life, that's not the case, which is why you need to keep coming back to the places where this reference group, as this study called it, is present.

This Harvard study found that 99% of your success depends on just the simple thing, your reference group. If she has people inside her studio that day who are more aligned with who she wants to be, a successful, happy person, then that's going to rub off.

If she is not surrounding herself with those people, if there are people not like that around the table, then yeah, she might feel some weh, weh, weh, she might not feel good enough. It's important who is she inviting to this but then also just in the preparation as she's preparing, who is she surrounding herself with?

She needs to be coming back to our coaching calls every week to get one more little dose of this reference group. Your community is more important than anything else. I could give you 10 tactics on how to get past fear of judgment that would have to do with a lot of your own self-talk to yourself.

But let's listen to the talk of others in our reference group. Who are we surrounding ourselves with? Your collective circle, your reference group is the most important. If you want to be part of a reference group that is successful, that is positive, that are hardworking, that are determined, that are committed, that are motivated, that are in progress stress most of the time versus stuck stress—and you could go listen to that episode, progress versus stuck stress—you're going to see your own success happen.

I want you to be part of one of these groups. Message me, let's get on a phone call together. It does not cost you a dime. These consult calls are free, and why not, what do you have to lose by hopping on a call? Nothing. Nothing. You're just going to walk away with a lot of strategy.

All right, my friends, surround yourself with people who are moving in the right direction, who want to be more positive than negative, who want to be more resourceful than give up.

They want to be in progress stress, committed, motivated, determined, and curious. Let's do it, let's do it. So, if you're fearing judgment, change the people you're surrounding yourself with. It's the bottom line. All right, see you next time.

Hey, listening to podcasts is great. But you also have to do something to kick your business up a notch. You need to take some action, right? So go to andreaslinks.com and take the quiz. I guarantee you'll walk away knowing exactly what your next best step is to level up.