178: How to Find Your Focus As a Mom and Business Owner

Hello, my friends, and welcome back to the podcast. We are recording the second episode in our mom series. If you haven't got to listen to the first episode, go back. It's the episode right before this. It was our first episode. We approach that as to when you're thinking big and your spouse or partner or family is not, what that looks like, and how to get them on board.

This episode is going to be more introspective. It's going to be about the paradigm between deciding, “What should I be focusing on? And if I'm focusing on something, does that then put my chances of connecting with other people in jeopardy?”

I hear a lot of my clients say, “I'm so focused on my business, I feel like I'm not connecting with my family.” Or they go through a period of time when they're so connecting with their family, there's so many things going on in their family life, like their kids are graduating, that they're not focusing on their business. Then there's this whole yin and yang push and pull type of relationship.

That's what we're going to talk about today. But before we get started, I just wanted to remind you all that if you have not gotten a copy of She Thinks Big, the book, go head over to Amazon or your favorite bookseller and get a copy and get a copy of the workbook too because that's really going to help you work through the learning in there so that you can shift from being a passive participant to an active participant in the knowledge and learning and the work worth doing that is presented in that book.

So let's get started. Finding, again, here comes this word balance between focus and connection, if you can find that or maybe the integration of the two, you're going to be in a really sweet spot for success in business and in your personal life.

But figuring out where you are in this equation or if we use that teeter-totter analogy, like which side of the teeter-totter is more down than up, if you can figure that out and then get yourself back in alignment, you're really going to have the maximum chances for success.

This is almost more of like if we were talking about this, it's in 4D. We've got focus versus connection and we've got business versus family. Now, how did I get to this topic today? Well, on our retreat, we talked a lot about how connection creates conversation, and then conversation creates conversion.

Now, conversation, what I mean by that in terms of feeling and being a successful business owner might be different than conversation in terms of feeling like a successful mom, or conversion in your business is different than conversion in your personal life.

But regardless of which era or which platform we're on, when we talk about focus, focus can get in the way of the connection, the conversation, and thus the conversion. There can be lots of talk and conversation also, connection, lots of talk and conversation and connection, but then there might be no action. We've got to be able to balance the focus and the connection.

Now my dad always says, "Just pick up the phone. Don't do this email and texting. Just pick up the phone and have a conversation." But when I've listened to his conversations as a business owner for the past 52 years, oftentimes what happens in that conversation then is he loses focus or he loses a lot of time.

He's also quick to say, “You've just got to sit down and focus.” Which is it? Do I have a conversation and connect or do I sit down and focus? Having one side of this equation and not the other doesn't really cut it because we know a lot of people who work incredibly hard but they also isolate themselves around what they're doing.

They think that this is also noble and worthy because they're so focused. But because they're so focused, sometimes then they can't create clients or they feel like a failure as a mom because they haven't talked to their kid in three days.

You also know people that are incredibly social but don't amount to much professionally or their business fails. Maybe they know how to get people excited. They plan the best birthday parties. They're super social when it comes to fitness or activities, but they can't find the discipline to follow through on their ideas.

Do you know any people like that? I do. They're the people that sometimes say, "I just don't want this to get in the way, this business thing to get in the way of all of the connecting I'm doing in other ways." But guess what, news flash, if you can cultivate both of these abilities and simultaneously work on both the focus and the connection, you really are going to be successful in all arenas.

But most of us haven't really mastered both qualities of focus and connection. Usually, I find that one comes much more easily than the other. I want you to ask yourself, which comes more naturally? Maintaining a focus on a project or making and nurturing social connection? Which one do you struggle with more? Which one is easier? Maintaining a focus on a project or making and nurturing social connection?

Really understanding what you're doing well and where you still have room to grow is going to help you get to that sweet spot. It goes back to the age-old amazing coaching question of what's working, what's not working, and what do you want to do differently.

Think about this, whether you're creating a different offering in your business, hiring people in your business, writing and publishing a book, working with your current clients, whether you're doing all that and you're a mom, you need to make sure that you're delivering on both fronts.

I am a believer that you can deliver on both fronts, you can appropriately be focused and connected. I think there's a magical combo of focus and connection. The magical combo, that secret sauce is ultimately the way we get things done. What we feel like when we're at our best. It's that magical secret sauce combo.

I think this totally holds true for the things that I've accomplished in my life. For example, when I was writing my book, it was super important to work hard and stay focused and do the necessary work to build my business.

But that was not all going to amount to anything unless I was continually willing and open to connect with people around what I was doing. That was where a lot of times my inspiration for the book would come.

If you read this book, there are lots of client stories, how did those come into play from connecting with clients or friends? That's what really allowed me to leap and grow and then even sell the book. Those are all necessary pieces of growth.

Once that started to happen, it's become necessary to buckle down. Once this connection started to happen, once I sort of balanced out the focus on the book with the connection, I had to decide how I was going to shift my business and my personal life so that it would support this growth.

Let me give you a little example of this. One of my clients really wants to shift into offering more of a concierge service. Right now, her client base is anyone and everyone but she really wants to shift it into more of a concierge business.

Why? Because she wants to create better connection with just a handful of clients, not all the clients. Why? Because she wants to have a better connection with her family. This is going to give her more time for her family. Why? Because she wants to just be laser-focused on these concierge clients, and she wants to be laser-focused on business growth in other ways.

If she can do this concierge thing, it's going to open up some time, money, and energy to focus in on other things. Notice that this is a perfect example of focus and connection, business and home. Most of us do have a mix of these two qualities going on at all times, but we tend to stay in one particular or slant in one particular direction.

Let me give you an example of all focus and no connection. I often hear clients say, “It feels super disingenuous to me to ask people about what's going on in their life. How are their kids? Did they go on vacation?” They don't want to have those conversations with clients, potential clients, or just people in general.

They just want to buckle down and get straight to the point. They feel like all of that is just chit-chat, small talk. They don't want to connect ultimately because maybe they don't really actually even care.

They don't care where you went on vacation. They don't care about Johnny's school play. They just want to get the job done. But then what happens is they feel like they're a robot focused on a task and that doesn't feel good either, isn't that interesting? It feels disingenuous to connect but it also feels disingenuous to not connect.

Not surprising that this client that I'm thinking about had a particular sales goal and they weren't reaching it. I was 100% sure that they were 10 out of 10 on how they were focusing on things like they had their eye on the prize, but their lack of ability to make solid connections and then utilize those connections to generate sales, to support their focus and work, that was what was going on.

They weren't spending any time cultivating relationships. They didn't care about other people necessarily. They just wanted to stay in the office, in front of the computer, because it was safe. It was comfortable. Sometimes, it's comfortable to just be in isolation.

Remember the motivational triad? Safe, efficient, comfy. But there are some big lessons here. When you stay isolated and focused in on the work in front of your computer, you're missing out on all the connection piece. The connection piece sometimes is what's going to drive your success.

I also have a client who feels the opposite. They can't stop connecting. They can't stop connecting at work, in their work. They're always chit-chatting. They can't stop connecting at home. They feel like there are always so many things to be doing at home, people to be talking to, and connections to be made.

They don't want to focus because they'd rather be connecting. They don't want to sit on a couch and zoom in and read something. They don't want to actually watch a movie because it seems like it's too hard to focus on that. They would rather go connect with people. That feels safer to them.

But what's happening is that they're not focusing in necessarily on the things that are going to move the needle forward in their business or at home. They're not getting tasks completed. They're not even starting a task, in fact.

Which is it, my friends? Which is it? Then I'm going to go to the other place. Do you know people that are super focused on the tasks, that are super focused in on folding the laundry, packing the lunches, making the appointment, if we're talking about it in a personal sense? They don't really care about talking to you at all.

They're like walking through their houses as if no one else is there. Or they're walking through their business as if there's no one else in the business. That can feel very disconnected.

Working in isolation can be very limiting and it can only take us so far. Connecting and not focusing can only take us so far. The bottom line is that you really can't make big things happen staying in one camp or the other. You can't be the mom you want to be, you can't be the business owner you want to be.

You've got to have this mix of secret sauce: focus and connection. If you want your idea to succeed, if you want to feel successful in a relationship, you've got to devote time and energy to fostering the connection, fostering personal connections and professional connections, and you've got to spend time and energy focusing on personal issues, tasks, and focusing on business issues and tasks.

Which one are you? How do you find the balance? If you're trying to make your big thinking a reality, raise amazing kids, or have a relationship that feels right, it is worth taking the time to bring some awareness to this dynamic. Because are you delivering on both fronts? Do you have the focus and discipline to back up your ideas, to keep your home looking the way you want to look, or to pay enough attention to the people that matter most in your life?

Get clear on where you want to be on this spectrum or this teeter-totter of focus and get clear on where you want to be on this teeter-totter or spectrum of connection.

Remember, it's a four-pronged 4D kind of situation. I'm just going to throw this out there to you, one way to do this is to tap into your most valuable resources: your time, your money, your energy, and your relationships.

Think about this. One option for your business would be to bring someone onto your team that could be the focus person while you are the connections person. This is where hiring the right people comes into play.

One option at home is to bring someone in to focus in on the tasks of keeping the house together while you focus in on connecting with the people in your house. The opposite, you could be the focuser in the business and you could bring someone in to be the connector to create the sales and the relationships.

In your personal life, I don't know if this is necessarily going to work if you focus in on all the tasks and have outsourced the connecting because you are the person that they want to connect with.

But think about this, could you create more time to connect with people? Could you buy spending money on the focusing of the tasks? How can you use your resources to make this happen? Take stock of where you land on this focus connection spectrum.

How do you know, if you're being totally honest with yourself as you take your pulse on this? If you're not in the right spot, it's going to sting. There might be some shame, blame, confusion, and anger. All those feelings are welcome. They're accepted.

I'm glad you're feeling them. That means you’re a human. But at that point, you really know then what you're working with. This balance, this integration can only come from the place of more self-awareness. You can not get there to this focus or connection balance or integration if you're not aware of what's going on.

That integration, that balance, it's going to require some courage. It's going to require some discipline. It's going to require some curiosity, and in many cases some guidance from someone who might thrive in that particular area.

But you have to be willing to change. It is possible for you to be an amazing mom and an amazing business owner, to figure out when and what to focus on and when and what to connect with or who.

This is the Delicate Balancing Act. Remember the teeter-totter only stays balanced for a short minute, a couple of seconds before it goes back into non-balance. But when you can figure out this 4D scenario of focus and connection, business and family, you're going to make things happen in the world. It's going to make it a whole lot easier to be who you want to be and get the job done.

Okay, my friends, I hope that was helpful in thinking about where you are in the focus versus connection spectrum, business and home, and what you might do to find that equilibrium, the balance, and the integration.

If you haven't grabbed a copy of my book, She Thinks Big, go grab one on Amazon or at your favorite bookseller. Hey, I'm doing a book tour so I might be coming to your town or city sometime soon if you would like me to come to your town or city and connect with you.

I need to focus on making that happen. Reach out, head over to andreaslinks.com, send me a message, schedule a call with me, a complimentary call. We’ll talk about me coming to you, me connecting with you, me helping you focus on becoming a big thinker. Okay, my friends, until next time, remember this is your time to think big and to level up. See you soon.