52: How to Create Habits

Andrea Liebross |

www.andrealiebross.com |

Episode 52

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host, business life coach Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career. And best of all. Live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up.

[00:00:57] Let's do this.

Speaker2: [00:01:06] Hey, time to level up, listeners, welcome back to the podcast. So as we come to the end of the year, it's often time for us to reflect on what went well, what didn't go so well and what we would do differently next year. And this then often leads into us thinking about our habits and habits that we've formed, habits that we haven't formed and habits that we've hoped we hoped to form, but maybe didn't. So in working with my clients in committed to growth, I've noticed that some of my clients continue to struggle to create habits in certain areas of their life. Not all areas and I even created a habit tracker for them, which explores the concept of having a minimum baseline for your habits. And if you want to go download that, you can do that at Andrea Lee Backslash Habits with an S.. Hopefully, that will help you. But in thinking about my students and clients, they have made great progress in some areas of their life and in their business or in their professional life, right? So whether that's a habit they want to create around exercise or sleep, or it's a habit they want to create about setting an agenda for a meeting or a habit about meeting with certain people on a weekly basis, whatever it is, sometimes they're successful in certain areas, but not in other areas. So is it them? Is it the area of struggle and is what they're trying to do unreasonable? Is there hope, right? These are all questions that we ask.

Speaker2: [00:03:05] So. And like any good student, I went to the Googles and looked up exactly what is a habit and how do we define a habit? And I want you before I share these definitions with you, I want you to think about what are some of your habits? And get more specific, what are three habits that you want to keep? Three habits that you want to get rid of. And three habits that you want to form. Three habits you want to keep three habits you want to get rid of and three habits you want to form. Think about that, especially the ones that we want to get rid of, because not doing something can be just as much of a habit as doing it. And when I looked up habits in the dictionary via Google, here's what it said. A habit, a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. So think about that, especially one that's hard to give up. So not doing something, for example, not exercising three times a week. That's hard to give up, it's hard to change that. Then I googled how do you create a habit? And what came up first was this I thought it was super interesting. The best way to form a new habit is to tie it to an existing habit, experts say.

Speaker2: [00:04:56] Look for patterns in your day and think about how you can use existing habits to create new positive ones. For many of us, our morning routine is our strongest routine, so that's a great place to stack on a new habit. Ok, so that's what came up when I first Googled how to create a habit. So basically, you're saying tie it to an existing habit. You know what, and I can't disagree. I think that's a great idea and it works sometimes, but it doesn't always work and it doesn't always stick. So. I thought about this, why is that, why is that? Well, I think because they're referring to a habit as something in order to form it, you have to do something, you have to take action on the creating of it. But I would disagree in the sense that I think this little blurb still doesn't really get to the issue of why it's hard to create habits. Ok, so. I went to my number one tool that I like to use to help me solve problems and figure out the why I went to using the model, and if you don't know what the model is yet, I encourage you to download my podcast roadmap Andrea Backslash podcast Dash roadmap and listen to the episodes about the model. It's something you need to know about anyway.

Speaker2: [00:06:35] Using the model, if I want my result line to be Habit X was formed. For example, work out three times a week. I know that the result line in any model is always evidence of our thoughts. So even though we all know we have to do it like we have to work out three times a week for multiple weeks in order to create the habit. This kind of thinking still just focusing on that action line still doesn't answer the question of why it's so hard or why sometimes we can't consistently keep the habit. Why do we struggle? Why do we have to continue to continuously revisit trying to create habits? So we have to look at what is driving our actions. And that, my friends, what drives your actions are your feelings, which are all tied to your thoughts. So here's the thing. I know because you guys are all smart, ambitious women that you all have plans or have planned. To create a habit. The problem is that we don't always follow the plan. Right. The problem is not that you don't want it to happen or you don't desire the outcome of working out three times a week, you don't desire the outcome. It's not that you don't desire the outcome of creating the habit. You really want it badly or else we wouldn't even be thinking about it. And even ask yourself, like, how long have you been wanting it? Probably a long time.

Speaker2: [00:08:21] And. If you've not been able to do it, you might say to me, I continuously fail. I'm not doing it. What's wrong with me, which then leaves you feeling incompetent? So look at your list of the three habits that you want to form, I'm going to guess that you didn't just come up with those and pull them out of thin air today. There are things you've thought about in the past, and maybe you've even tried it and it hasn't worked and you failed, which has left you feeling incompetent. So I want to propose this. What if instead you could trust yourself to make it happen? Trust yourself to take the actions needed so that it would become a habit and you would get the result you want. What if instead of throwing the plan in the drawer, you could follow the plan with ease? What if it could be easy, simple, doable and fun? What if you knew that you could do it and feel good actually doing it, and it wouldn't feel like such a burden? And what if you had the confidence in yourself? This is kind of like the trust in yourself that you would make smart strategic. Brilliant. Decisions and choices that would ensure that you actually took the actions. And got the results you wanted. What if? So. Here is the real problem.

Speaker2: [00:10:08] The real problem is that you're focusing on the action and you're not focusing on the thoughts and feelings that drive the action. And that is what this model is all about. Ok, what's missing? What you need is a reliable tool to help you figure this all out. That's what you need. You don't have a tool to pull out of your toolbox to help you figure out why something is or isn't happening or why you feel the way you feel or don't feel the way you feel or why you are consistently creating a weekly agenda and why you're not. Ok. And this tool. That I love to use is the model I know some people, like Brenda O'Malley, refers to it as the think, feel and act formula. That's a version of the model. There's lots of versions of this model out there, but inside committed to growth. My group coaching program, we meet weekly and I work with my students in there to make them to help them master using this model or formula. We actually in there. Sometimes we have model Thorn's. I know sounds super fun, doesn't it? But that's where we run all sorts of problems. All the things that are not creating the habits, all the struggles in the challenges we run, all of those through a model and those CTJ years, I call them CTJ. They're committed to growth for short.

Speaker2: [00:11:52] That's short for committed to growth. They get really good at running things through the model. They and they get results if they can see it clearly by running things through a model. They get the results they want because they figure out what needs to change. So side note, you're welcome to join us inside, committed to growth. I think just becoming a master at the model is worth the price tag alone. And if you are interested in doing that, you can go to Andrea Lebowski schedule and we will get you started. But anyway, today I wanted to share with you some key principles that you need in order to create a habit. Ok, now you have to know and believe before I even start. That in order to create any change in your life or your business. You need to know these five key principles. Ok, here we go. Number one. In order to create change. Any behavior? You must change the way you think and feel. Not change necessarily your action. Ok, so if we change the way we think and feel we're automatically going to know whether or not the action we have been taking is. Useful or not, or will automatically change our action, so it becomes useful, or maybe we'll change the consistency of our actions and get the result we want, but we don't need to worry about the action. We need to change the way we think and feel.

Speaker2: [00:13:43] First, too often we just look to what we need to do is the solution. Like when I started and I told you about when I Googled and what came up was attached, the habit to the other habit, they're just focusing on the action. Ok, now Brenda lml uses this analogy, and I think it's brilliant and it's something that I've really taken to heart. I want you to picture an iceberg, OK, picture on the Titanic, picture an iceberg and picture the part that's sticking out of the water. Ok, that is only like the tip of the iceberg, right, there's a huge portion of that iceberg. Underneath the water. So picture that underneath part underneath the water or your thoughts and feelings and the tip that's peeking out, that's the action. Ok. We can only sometimes see the actions, we can't necessarily see our thoughts and feelings, so we forget about them. But without considering what's underneath that action packed tip. We might sink if we don't have the thoughts and feelings there to support the tip of the iceberg that's sticking out. We have no action. And this is what happens when we sabotage ourselves. People say I keep sabotaging myself. Why? Why is because we're only focusing on the tip of the iceberg. We are not focusing on what's supporting those actions, which are thoughts and feelings or what's driving that tip up out of the surface of the water.

Speaker2: [00:15:29] Action is always driven from what is below. Or action has to be created. All right, so that was number one, you have to change the way you think and feel. Not necessarily change the action. Key principle next, one number two feelings are what drive your actions? Ok, and I'm going to take tell you a little story. This happened yesterday. So my son is looking for summer internships and he is a finance and business and accounting major, and he's only a sophomore. So getting these sophomore internships, sophomore summer internships is challenging, and he's put out a few applications. He's gotten a few knows he's gotten a few like worth still thinking about it. And we were having a conversation yesterday about it, and I said, Listen, Brett, now's the time to leverage your network of people. So we started brainstorming and then it occurred to me that really he should be leveraging the network of people that he is connected were with through his high school alumni association. Like why not? Right? Like why not? And so when I said to him, why not? All he could come up with was, I just don't like cold calling people or I don't know, they may not help me or I may not even get an answer. He had no good reason. He had no good reason to my. Why not? Ok, so what I said to him, I said, Well, it seems to me the only reason that you should that you're not taking that action is because you don't want to feel a certain way.

Speaker2: [00:17:14] And then I paused. So you don't want to feel uncomfortable. You don't want to feel awkward. You don't want to feel stressed. You don't want to add more to your plate by searching through the alumni directory. Any kind of looked at me, and he said he was on face time. Ok, mom, you're right. You're right. So our feelings drive our actions. Ok, we want to feel calm and confident and smart. We but we feelings we don't want. We're we resist, ah, those feelings of stress and overwhelm in being bored and uncomfortable. Ok, so why we do something or don't do something, or why we create a habit or don't create a habit? Has a lot to do with how we are feeling and we can. We're really good at distracting ourselves or at buffering when we have like the red lights flashing ahead of us. Danger, danger coming. Ok, that discomfort. Is coming like the flashers go off and we start to buffer, OK, and then I have a whole episode on buffering, it is, I think it is episode number. What is it? Maybe it's episode number. Forty six? Yes. Episode number forty six. Ok? So this kind of brings me to my third principle.

Speaker2: [00:18:38] That really everything is neutral until you have a thought about it. Because your thoughts create your feelings. All right, so his thoughts about reaching out to these people. They're all really neutral. Ok, until what reaching out to the people is neutral until he had a thought about it. All right. And that thought was creating feelings he didn't want, but we think that the situation is creating the feeling we might think like having a to do list. The to do list is creating the anxiety. No, that's not it. It's what you think about the to do list or it's what you think about the reaching out. We may think that like creating content every day or meeting weekly with someone, that's what's causing the stress. No, that's not what's causing the stress. It's your thought about the creating or about the meeting. Everything is really neutral until you have a thought about it. Ok. All right. Brings me to number four, because all thoughts are optional. You can think and feel, however you want when I repeat that you can think and feel however you want. Ok. Because every thought is optional. All right, it's like the tray of our d'oeuvres at the wedding that the waiter carries around past orders and he says, take one, that tray is like a tray of thoughts. You've got options. All right. So I want you to think about if you were to trust yourself and have confidence that you would make the right decisions that would create the habit.

Speaker2: [00:20:34] You kind of be leveling up, right? You kind of be like bossing up, leveling up. All right. And you would maybe adopt the thought that I am the boss of what I think I am in charge. My actions and my feelings and thoughts are what create my own results. I am. I have ownership. I'm responsible. Ok, I am responsible for my results because all of my thoughts are 100 percent optional. That was number four. All right, and here's the last one. Manage your thoughts and feelings, which means managing your mind so that you don't need to use an ineffective coping tool like a buffer. Go listen to episode 46 if you haven't listened to it. Ok. You will have to use an ineffective tool. And let unless you use a more effective tool like the model, OK, so let me rephrase that by using an effective tool to problem solve to figure out how to get the result you want. How to create the thoughts you need that are useful. You've got that is an option. Ok? If you do that, I will guarantee you will create some habits that you want to keep. If you don't do that and you use an ineffective tool like emptying the dishwasher, drinking, eating, watching Netflix. Ok. You will not create the habit you're looking for.

Speaker2: [00:22:21] All right, so what you need to be able to do is to be able to just plug in your current results or your current action or your current feeling into. A formula or a model so that you can diagnose where the problem is, it's probably not in your action that you're planning. It's probably in your thought. So this is kind of like going to the doctor. Ok. When you go to the doctor, if you're a good patient, you tell them what's happening. Ok, what your symptoms are. And then he plugs those symptoms into his formula in her brain and spits out and tells you what's wrong? Ok, what is wrong? It may. You may go in there thinking, what's wrong is you have an ear infection, but you may walk out. Finding out what's wrong was really that you had strep throat. Ok, so he takes the data, which are your current thoughts, feelings, actions and results, plugs it into his formula and spits out the diagnosis. All right, so think about you need to be able. Principle number five is that you've got to be able to use an effective tool, not an ineffective one, in order to create the result you want. What we do and committed to growth is we become masters of the model, OK? My students are able to identify what they're feeling. And why they're feeling it and what they want to feel and we can identify why they have the results they have, we can identify why they're making the choices that they're making.

Speaker2: [00:24:08] Ok, and then we work on choosing if we want to keep them or not. We work on choosing how we want to feel, what we want to do and what the result we want should be. And then we get to plug in. This is kind of like plug and play. What you want to create instead of what you're currently creating, so if this habit is not formed, I have good news. You can use a tool. In order to create the result you want, it is that simple. And by doing this work? Think about this. We're taking care of our own brain health, which is our mindset. We're taking care of our own emotional health, kind of emotional self care, and we're training ourselves to be better at whatever our brain is not so good at right now, like creating habits. So as we approach the end of the year and look ahead and think about this like a lot of us have, you know, hire a trainer on our list of things that we want to do for twenty twenty two, OK? Hire a personal trainer to get our physical health in a different place. I want you to really think about how you are, who you're hiring, or what resources or support you're giving yourself in making.

Speaker2: [00:25:36] Better choices in working on your brain health and your emotional health, it is just as important. Ok, and when you can manage your mental and emotional health, when you get that kind of flexibility, mental and emotional flexibility just like your body with being flexible is a good thing if you've got flexibility and can move in certain ways. You can really create any result you want in the world. So in committed to growth, we create an awareness of what works and doesn't for you so that you can change it. And when you manage your brain and you're thinking with these kinds of tools, you can create anything, anything. This week I asked my students, What did they create? Someone said they created a peaceful calm afternoon with their family. Someone said they created a. Week where they made more money than any week they've ever made before. More money than in one week than they've ever made before, someone else said they created a week where they took care of themselves and ate and exercised and slept. Someone else said that they created a new opportunity for themselves in terms of jobs. Someone else, they manage their mind and they created a stronger friendship. So when you become the boss of your own brain? You can create your own habits that work for you. This is a brand new skill set for a lot of you, and it's not you're not going to be perfect at it right away, so give yourself a little grace and why not get the support you need to become a master? At these types of skills, this is brain health.

Speaker2: [00:27:43] This is emotional health. This is just as important as physical health. So I hope you found that helpful. You can always go to Shownotes or go to Andrea Lebowski backslash habits to download that habit tracker, but that really, honestly is tracking more of your actions. The thinking is a whole other ballgame. It's a whole other ball game, and I would be happy to chat with you about it, about how we actually do that. So just reach out. You can direct message me. You can schedule a call and really schedule and we can chat. And here's something else that I would ask you if you're listening to this episode and you think that this would be helpful for someone, you know, will you please share it on social and tag me? Because that's the way that we can help the world, that is one way we can help the world and add value to the world. Share. The good things in your life, I would so appreciate it. Ok, my friends, until next week, remember this is a great way to level up. This is a great way to upgrade your life and your business.

Speaker1: [00:29:08] Have a great week. Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host Andrea Libros. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Ok, now what about you? You've listened to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade, you then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.