83: How to Start from Where You Are Currently

TTLU_EP83_MASTERED.mp3

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host business life coach, Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly. Gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career, and best of all, live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up. Let's do this. Hello my friends and welcome back to the Time to Level Up podcast. I am excited to be here today because I think what we're going to talk about is something that we don't. Usually talk about in the sense of how it relates to helping you move forward. So a lot of my podcasts, I give you tips and tricks and things to think about in order for you to create some growth in your own life or business. But today, what we're going to talk about is you knowing where you're starting from and why that is so important. Sometimes I like to call that owning what's true, owning where you are getting clear on where you're at. And if we want to use a metaphor or an analogy, it's you turning on your location services to find your current location.

Speaker1: [00:02:11] Now. I think this is a highly underestimated part of your own development as a human. You need to know where you're starting from, and you also need to kind of know why you're starting to explore how you can grow and evolve. So recently we talked about kind of having that nudge. Like we all have that nudge as humans and wanting to evolve, but I think we need to be able to own what's true about where we're at. And I think most people will say, yeah, I know it's important. You've got to know where you're at. But I think that once you truly know where you're at, if you just put 90% of the focus on understanding where you're at, not judging where you're at, just embracing where you are and getting a little bit curious about where you are, I promise that you would make tremendous progress on your own growth personally and professionally, way more than if you don't take a minute to assess where you're at now, you may be even questioning like, what do you mean by growth, Andrea? What do you mean by that? Well, that's okay. That you don't quite know, because I think we're going to explore that to in this episode and we're going to dig right in. So I think there are really three starting points in terms of what you're trying to work for or achieve or grow toward.

Speaker1: [00:03:57] There's three ways we can look at the starting point, and you do need to know where you're at in order to move forward. And I think when my clients come to me and are wanting to move forward at a change, something in order for that growth or movement to have the most impact, they need to know where they're starting from. So here are three places where you might be starting from if you are indeed wanting to move to a different location or a different place. Number one, you may be wanting to move away from pain. You're in pain and committing to growing as a human can be a way of getting. Out of pain. Now, I'm not talking physical pain. It could be, but I'm talking more about emotional pain, feeling overwhelmed or unhappy or guilty or resentful. Or maybe you you're in pain as it relates to your marriage or finances or job or a relationship with someone else. It could be because of a health problem or diagnosis, yours or someone else's, or it could be pain because you're seeing your child in pain or your child struggling or suffering. So if you are wondering, Huh, do I really need to work on myself? Do I need to invest time, energy or money towards investing in myself? You may be starting from a place of wanting to move away from pain. Now, what I want to point out here is that the circumstance or the facts surrounding you.

Speaker1: [00:05:52] Are not causing the pain. The pain is derived from your thoughts about these circumstances, your thoughts about the amount of money that's in the bank or the diagnosis or the relationship. And I know this I know this is true because as humans, we can all be part of the same circumstance and not experience the same amount of pain or pain at all as compared to the next person now. Yesterday I was with my daughter at New Student Orientation at Indiana University, and I witnessed a bunch of parents in pain or what looks like pain around their child's in August going off to college. And this seems very painful for them. For me, I don't know if that's really going to be a place of pain. I'm sure it will bring a little sadness. I'm 100% sure, and it will conjure up lots of memories. But I don't really see myself in August being in a place of pain. But I know many parents will be so same circumstance child going off to college, different amounts of pain. So the pain isn't caused by the child going off to college. It's caused by our thoughts. Right. So when you are starting to understand why you might be feeling the way you're feeling or why you actually have this desire to get to a different place, to get to out of pain, you need to identify the pain of where you're at. And when you commit to moving forward, you are going to learn how to minimize or handle that pain.

Speaker1: [00:07:46] It's not going to take it away permanently, but. You are going to make it so you can leverage that pain as a way to finding the best solutions, which makes the pain a lot more tolerable and less intense. So you might leverage the fact that your child is going off to college, that pain as a starting point for you to move forward into a different chapter of life. So. When we are wanting to move away from pain. It is very helpful to be able to identify the pain and use it as a place where you can create some leverage. Okay. Here's another place that we sometimes start. Okay. So that was the first one was moving away from pain. Second is wanting to move toward something. When there really is nothing wrong. But you're feeling that nudge. Kate and I talked about that nudge, I think, in episode 81. Okay. Now, this place, when you're wanting to move toward something. It can be harder than pain. Because oftentimes there's a layer of guilt attached. I like to say sometimes nothing's gone wrong. Sometimes my clients feel even worse. Then if they were in pain or in a situation they wanted to move away from because they feel like there are people in the world that are struggling way more than they are and that they should really be grateful for what they have.

Speaker1: [00:09:31] And they feel sometimes that they don't have real problems. They have a great life on paper or in the eyes of others, but they feel as if they are struggling and they sometimes ask, What's the matter with me? Okay. So the second way. You can actually kind of think about this. Growth opportunity is are you wanting to move towards something? Okay. So you could also look at this as, yes, when you want to move towards something, you are also wanting to move away from something because what you're wanting to move away from is your current norm. Your current norm, which in and of itself might be painful, right? But in this situation, most of my clients often have curiosity or wonder if they could actually move away from the norm without everything collapsing. They're curious. Could they write that book? Could they start a business? Could they grow their business? Could they achieve that goal? Could they lose £100? Could they move towards those things without having everything collapse around them? Think about that. They don't want to usually upset the status quo. So if you're someone out there that's like, yes, I have this nudge, this urge to grow, but I don't know if I really deserve it because nothing's really wrong. Oc coaching tools or focusing on yourself. It can make a huge impact when wanting to move towards something, when wanting to grow. Just immersing yourself in the mindset that it's possible, getting curious about how it could happen.

Speaker1: [00:11:33] That decision in and of itself is super powerful. All right. Now, here's the third bucket of people who come to me kind of an I kind of think about where are they at? Where is their current location? This third bucket of people really just want to enjoy life more. They want to put some fun into life. They're in no obvious pain. They may not even have a real obvious goal, but they want to add in fun. They might even want to add in focus or purpose. They want to work on themselves because they are choosing to and there is nothing wrong with choosing to work on yourself. It is time to focus on themselves. Often they say they want to become more purposeful with how they use their time and energy and money. And when they work on themselves and have fun doing it, their lives become so much more interesting. Their lives are not stagnant, nothing is boring. They feel fulfilled. So if you feel like you're stagnant or you don't feel very fulfilled or purposeful, that in and of itself can kind of cause pain. It can also cause the guilt, the guilty feeling, because nothing is really wrong. But something doesn't have to be wrong. You don't have to feel guilty if you are wanting to create some change. In your life. If you want to grow. If you want to develop.

Speaker1: [00:13:20] Okay. So how does all this pertain to what I addressed at the beginning about knowing your current location or being your own human GPS turning on your location services? Well, you have to know where you're starting from in order to go to someplace new. And then that means, in other words, knowing and owning. What is currently true for you. I coach women and I notice over and over again that being able to own what's true is just as challenging, if not more challenging, than taking responsibility for your current situation. It's hard for us to take responsibility. We tend to blame outside things. That's a natural human condition. But when you know where you're starting from and you are committed to creating some growth or developing. You can learn to take responsibility for it. We tend to blame ourselves, right? We reject or judge who we truly are. We feel bad about where we are. We feel bad about our current location. We get mad at ourselves. And we say, I can't believe this is happening or this is where I'm at. How did I get myself into this situation? So I really in this podcast, I want to make a case for you. That is the opposite. Those thoughts are the opposite of what is what are thoughts that are really going to serve you. And I also want to teach you how to be onto yourself. If you're not owning what's true. And identifying your current location and give you some strategies to help you wrap your arms around it.

Speaker1: [00:15:16] So when you think about that G.P.S. before that GPS lady can give you a route forward or towards something, or even give you the most fun and scenic route. The GPS needs to know where you're starting at. Right. And often it actually asks you, do you want me to use your current location? Okay. And then once they identify your current location, the GPS lady can calculate the route. Okay. Now, you may have named your GH woman a certain name. You might like a certain accent if you haven't used ways w a z. They have some very fun gh voices that are movie stars and singers and all sorts of things. Cookie Monster. But I digress. So when? The GPS calculation identifies where you are. It then calculates the route for you to get where you're going. Now I want you to notice that the GPS lady never says. Why aren't you there yet? Or they never say, isn't it obvious you just take this left in that right? They never say, Well, it's only 2 minutes away. Do you really need directions? They never say, Hey, I think you've been here before. Didn't you memorize the path? They never say, Why are you using a GPS? Anyway, none of that is said. So when we ask ourselves why? Why can't we get where we want to go? Och. Well, one reason might be that we don't know where we're starting from, but another reason might be the fact that we have not accepted that we shouldn't know the route or even if we've been there before.

Speaker1: [00:17:19] It isn't always easy or that there might be another way to get there. Okay. The U.S. doesn't think the past is irrelevant either. It doesn't judge. But notice when we as humans want to move forward, we feel compelled to tell everyone where we've already been. We'd like to give everybody a little background. So sometimes when I'm coaching someone, someone will get on the call and say, Well, I just want to give you a little background so that everybody understands where I'm coming from. But notice, the GPS doesn't need to know where you're coming from, the past or where you've been in the past. It doesn't need any background info in order to understand how to help you move forward, how to get where you want to go. It just needs to know where you are now. Okay. I I'm guilty too sometimes of wanting to give you a little background so you understand my history and all the things I've been through and all the things I think are relevant to where I am now and where I think I want to go. But those things aren't really relevant. What matters is where you are today, your current location. Are you trying to move away from pain? Are you trying to move towards something new or are you trying to add a little fun purpose or focus into your life? Hmm.

Speaker1: [00:18:50] What matters is where you are today. What are you thinking and feeling and believing right now? Today. The GPS also doesn't have a lot of disbelief about our ability to go somewhere else. I mean, she never says, I can't believe that you want to go there. You're never going to get to your destination. It's so far away. I mean, and this is kind of what I love about GPS is, right, they are robots. They're not human. And I'm not trying to make us into a robot. But I just want you to try on the idea that the more you can pinpoint your current situation, your current struggle. The more accurate you are in pinpointing where you're at, the more power you have around where you want to go. Have you ever been in a parking lot and you try to start the GPS and you're facing one way and the GPS thinks you're facing another way, and until you get yourself turned around and pinpoint exactly the direction you're heading in. Until you do that, the GPS really can't calculate the best route. Okay. So if you say I'm at home, it would be way better to say I'm at home on the second floor in the master bedroom. Right, because that's giving us a way better. The idea of our current location. Och. So we want to be able to pinpoint where we're at so we can move forward or toward what we want or create toward creating more meaning, purpose, fun in our lives.

Speaker1: [00:20:30] We want to own our current location in order to do so. Here's what we don't want to do. We don't want to judge our current location. We don't want to reject our current location. We don't want to push it away. Because when we do all of that. We're just lost again. But often. When we don't own it. We wonder why nothing is changing, why we're not getting to where we want to go. So today, I also want to walk you through some of the most common signs. You might feel or see or experience. And most common signs to know that you're not owning where you're at. Okay. If you're like, well, I think I know where I'm at. I'm going to give you some examples for you to kind of ponder. Maybe you don't really know where you're at, or you could even get better at knowing where you're at, at pinpointing it. So here's the first thing I want you to think about. You're not owning your current location when your words, when what you say doesn't match the way you feel. All right. Here's an example. This just happened to me. A colleague told me how excited they were that they just landed a big client. Oc. Just landed a big client and I said I was so happy for them.

Speaker1: [00:22:13] But maybe inside when I really examined myself. I wasn't super happy. I was feeling a little inadequate and annoyed and jealous. Okay. This also happens when someone might say, oh, we're going to Hawaii for two weeks this summer and you say, Have a great time. But inside you're like, Really? They're going to Hawaii and I'm just staying here. When you say something like, I'm so happy for you. You may not really be feeling that. Okay. And you might actually be saying to yourself inside, Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it, when that really pans out for her, or if they plain actually takes off without having, you know, without there being some reason why they can't go owning where you're at in this situation. It's really like you realizing that you would like to be where they're at, you would like to go to Hawaii, you would like to land the big clients, and perhaps maybe you're in a little bit of a poor me stage or why don't I have that yet? Stage So what does that tell us when your words are not matching your feelings? What it tells us is that actually we want to be somewhere different than where we are now. We don't love our own current location, and this is just good to know. Right. And if you do know that you don't love your current location and you've actually recognized what your current location really is, then you can start to ask yourself, Where do I want to be? What do I want? I think in last week's episode I asked you to consider 20 things that you do really want.

Speaker1: [00:24:04] But to do that exercise, it's super helpful to know your current location, know where you are in terms of how you feel and what you wish were different. You could also recognize in this particular situation that you're comparing yourself and you probably do care about what other people think, even though you might be telling yourself you don't care. Can you learn something about how you view yourself? What you believe is true for you or even possible for you? Maybe you think it's not even possible for you to learn that big client. And assess, are you living in this state of abundance or are you living in scarcity? In this case, I'd say you're living in scarcity and you might not be sure what if what she has is actually possible for you? Now, I could be wrong and you could be in a great place, but do you see how when we really own where we're at and really explore it and get curious, we actually can create the change that we might be looking for. So getting to where you really are might happen with the guidance of a coach or in your own journal, or it might happen in a conversation where you're feeling vulnerable, wherever that starts to happen.

Speaker1: [00:25:25] Instead of judging yourself, just notice your current location, because your current location is really fascinating. Here's another way you might notice that you're not owning where you're at or you don't really have a good current location pinpointed. It's when you have a should or shouldn't somewhere in your thoughts or you're operating from a place of I should or I shouldn't. This is one that people talk about all the time. Och. You know, I actually think I have an episode about shooting on yourself. The main reason to not should on yourself is because you lose awareness of where you are and you can't get leverage over yourself and you can't get where you're trying to go as easily, as quickly, as efficiently, as peacefully if you don't know clearly where you're beginning from. So if you find yourself saying things like, I know I shouldn't spend money on all those things, that's your brain's way of deflecting away from really understanding what's really going on. It's sort of like a way to just close the lid on the box. I know I shouldn't buy this stuff, or I know I should have a better handle on my finances. And then we just kind of shove it in the closet or close the lid. I want you to try to open the box, and I want you to go ask yourself, why am I buying all this stuff? Or Why don't I like looking at my numbers? What am I trying to feel by purchasing things that my prefrontal cortex doesn't really even want? I wonder why I do that.

Speaker1: [00:27:06] I wonder why I don't like looking at my bank account. I wonder what I'm chasing. I wonder what that's about for me. And I think that we're afraid if we look into the box, then we're going to have to stop doing that. And I had a client last week say, I just feel like I need I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop doing all the things I really want to do. That's not true, my friends. You don't have to stop doing it at all. Maybe you'll decide you have reasons. You like what you're doing. Maybe you'll keep doing it. Or maybe you'll have reasons that you don't like and you'll still decide that you're going to keep doing it. The key is to stop judging and rejecting this part of yourself. And the irony is you probably won't find it as enjoyable if you open the lid on the box, but that will be okay. It isn't that I want you to stop doing behaviors that aren't serving you. It's that I want you to stop wanting to participate in behaviors that aren't serving you. That's totally different. So if you're a mom, I'm guessing you think there are things that you should be doing and that you should love doing, too, like helping with homework or driving kids around or playing with them.

Speaker1: [00:28:19] But in reality, you don't love them. And then you make that fact that you don't enjoy them, mean something about you, like you're not a good mom or you don't love your kids, but what does it really mean? Maybe it means that those are things that you just don't enjoy. It doesn't mean that you stop doing them or you make everybody hitchhike to where they need to go. You continue to do them. It's just being honest in your observation. It's so much more valuable than saying, I should love doing this. Here's another one. When we tell ourselves that we should just go ahead and do something that we're uneasy about, like you should just do it. And that's a way to gain confidence. But here's the thing. If you are not wanting to do something or act in a certain way, what if we just observed and said, Huh, that's interesting and we own it, then we can get coaching or guidance on becoming more confident. We get to create the change that we wouldn't have been able to create if we just plowed on through without assessing our current location. So own where you're at. Don't say I should just be confident around my family or my boss. I should like playing with my kids or I shouldn't be spending so much money at Target Own where you're at and you'll get way more growth, way more movement and change and progression and leverage on yourself when you do that.

Speaker1: [00:29:50] And here's the last way I want to share with you about understanding your current location when what you're doing or not doing is not aligning with what you're thinking. Okay. Now I see this a lot in my clients when they say to me things like, I don't know why I'm not X, Y, Z, I know I'm capable, but. Okay. So that's a sign that they're not owning where they're at, because if you really believe that you could do this or that you were capable and you were going to be successful and you were going to help people, and it's what the universe wanted you to do and all those things that you were saying you would be showing up with full force and excitement. So step one isn't just to power your way through. I mean, you can I'm all for taking action. Massive action. And I'd rather you take action than not. But step one is to just own och. So part of me doesn't believe I don't have the thoughts that this is going to work or that this is actually possible. There must be a part of me that isn't sure if this is the right thing or this is what I'm supposed to be doing, or what I'm wanting to do is actually going to help people or that I'm going to be able to succeed. What's this all about? If you asked yourself, what's going on in there, owning where you're at, embracing where you're at, without judgment.

Speaker1: [00:31:21] Without telling yourself that you're doing something wrong, owning where you're at. Allows you actually to create more movement. So one more thing. To assess where you're at or to get the real picture on your current location. It's really looking at what emotions are feelings are driving your actions or fueling you. A couple of episodes I talked about fueling your commitment. So what's fueling your actions or is it guilt or fear or shame or scarcity or greed or anger? Those emotions in the long run don't create enough action to get you to continue to move forward or towards something or into more purposeful and fun existence. Those feelings in the action derived from them. They're short lived. You are so much better off being fueled by curiosity and confidence and love and commitment that's going to get you to the different place. Okay. So the example let me give you an example. Losing weight, if you're trying to lose weight out of guilt or shame or belief, there's something wrong with you or you don't like your body. Then the weight loss is going to be short lived. You want to feel good in your body, you want to be proud of who you are right now and own it. And believe that you have the power to change. Okay. So this is kind of also thinking about this kind of relates to thought bridges, which I have mentioned before, you need to own where you're at.

Speaker1: [00:32:59] You need to have a thought that I like where my body is at. And I believe that I've done what I've done up until this point for a reason. And I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And it's only from that point that you can start to create some change. Another example in business, sometimes my clients say, if I could just get to 500 K in my business, then I could believe that what I have is valuable and I can do this. And I say, You've got to own where you're at right now. You've got to be wherever you are, which maybe is $0 or maybe it's 100 K in revenue, whatever. And believe that what you have is great and that you can move forward from there. And that's the way to get to 500. It doesn't go the other way around. So. Owning where you're at is so, so, so important. Jodie Moore, who I've mentioned on this podcast before, taught me something about yelling at kids that relates to this to. And I think this is so true. If you want to stop yelling at your kids, you can't be mad at yourself and yelling at yourself for yelling at your kids. You've got to own where you're at and you've got to say, I yell at my kids, I just yell at them again.

Speaker1: [00:34:24] I wonder why. I wonder what's going on for me that made me do that. And what if you just told yourself, I'm an amazing mom and I just yelled at my kids? Do you think you would yell less or more if you genuinely believed you were an amazing mom? I'm going to promise that you would yell less. You can't yell at yourself for yelling at your kids and think that you're going to stop yelling. I mean, if you do, then you're just going to get better at yelling. So do you see what I'm saying? The metaphor I always use to explain this is that we're trying to get to the top of the mountain, the peak, and at the top we are the best versions of ourselves. Do you know what version that is? That's the US that is confident and curious and embraces ourselves, all of ourselves, with all of our bumps and bruises and scratches that we got along the way as we climbed up the mountain. So when we took a wrong turn off the trail or when there was a log that covered up the path, we just get curious and we figure out how we can take the next step or do better next time we get up and we try again every time we fall down or we see a log in the trail on the way to the top and we're able to be a positive influence on our fellow hikers.

Speaker1: [00:35:50] We're not judging them. We're able to treat them with respect, just the same kind of respect that we want to treat ourselves with, which is loving and compassionate and kind. And then sometimes curious. When we behave in ways that maybe we don't quite like and we become fascinated and open and we're continuing to learn and grow and evolve and we're healthy and all of those things. That's you as your best self at the top of the mountain. But to get to the top, you need to assess where you are now and really get out your compass and pinpoint the location. And you need to be able to look forward. So many people are always looking back for proof that they can or cannot move forward. They say things like, well, in the past I, X, Y, Z, or I know myself because I always a, b, c, but the truth is they don't know their future self. They don't know what's in the future, and they won't know unless they try to get there. Looking at the past or looking at the trail we've already covered doesn't help. So I want you, my friends, to embrace where you're at. Embrace the positive, embrace the negative. That's the way you expand yourself. You're not going to become any better than you are right now. Because you already are complete. You're just going to expand yourself. You're going to evolve. You're going to become the next version of you.

Speaker1: [00:37:36] And that's pretty fun to do. If you want some help in doing this, if you could see yourself in one of those three starting points in pain, wanting to move away from the pain, wanting to move toward something, and doubting whether or not you can get there or just wanting to become more purposeful or focused. I can help you. Come join us inside. Committed to growth. You've got until the last Thursday of the month to apply and you can do that at Andrea Libra's Backslash apply. If you know someone who could use this podcast, please share with them and encourage them to explore. Joining us inside Committed to growth. I'll see you there. Otherwise, I will talk to you next time. Thanks, my friends. Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host, Andrea Libros. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Okay, now what about you? You've listen to the podcast and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade you, then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.