Sometimes I work with clients who know exactly who they’re serving, what products or services they’re offering, and why they’ve chosen to pursue entrepreneurship but they’re still totally stressed out. Even though they’ve established their business and are confident in their craft, they’re not making any money.
Oftentimes, after doing some work together, it becomes clear that these women are afraid of putting themselves out there or doing business “the wrong way.” They make excuses like:
- I need to give myself time and space to figure this all out.
- Entrepreneurship is new to me.
- I don’t know how to take payments, do billing, or start an email marketing campaign.
The lack of answers to the how-to questions keeps them stuck in the same spot.
Sound familiar?
One of the classic ways this kind of stress manifests is in passive action. Sometimes called analysis paralysis, this is the kind of action that doesn’t really require action but feels like action. It’s one of the ways we get stuck in the mindset of being interested in change instead of truly being committed to taking extraordinary action.
What is stuck stress?
If you’re taking passive action and struggling with analysis paralysis in your business, the kind of stress you’ve probably been dealing with is what Jody Moore calls Stuck Stress, which isn’t productive. It doesn’t take you anywhere; you just move in circles over and over through the same tired thought process.
Stuck Stress narrows your thinking through a lens of fear and anxiety.
When you focus on what isn’t happening instead of what could happen, you become paralyzed between two opposing forces — a need for security and a need to take risks and do something more with your business. When this happens, you often end up doing nothing at all.
Once you start thinking outside the box, stop sitting on your ideas, and put things into action, you’ll start feeling more confident in yourself and your abilities. As your confidence grows, your stress will recede.
When you start on your journey as an entrepreneur, you may have stress, but it’s Progress Stress — full of curiosity, excitement, commitment, and positive energy. Then you get into the “messy middle,” where you’re not quite sure what your next move is. Stuck Stress takes over, making you confused, afraid, and, well, stuck. As you shift your mindset, you’ll get back into Progress Stress.
This does not mean that your stress will go away entirely, it just means that you’ll start to experience stress in a different way that allows you to continue pushing toward success even when things don’t work out right away. You’ll start to enjoy the challenges in your business instead of feeling overwhelmed by them.
This shift comes from redefining what freedom means to you in your life and your business.
Seven assumptions about the future that create stuck stress
Having a vision for your future is supposed to be a positive thing, right? Well, sometimes it’s not. When the vision has hidden pitfalls, it will undermine your progress and prevent you from achieving your goals.
When you’re attached to a specific outcome, it can paralyze you or keep you in Stuck Stress. Attachment is what happens when commitment goes too far — and yes, that’s possible. Now you’re not just all-in — you’re all-in with unrealistic expectations.
Here are seven of the most common things clients tell me will happen when they achieve their perfect reality — which turns out not to be so perfect.
1. Things will be easier when I achieve X
What this really tells me is the person wants to be free of problems and challenges. That’s not realistic, and it sets you up for constant disappointment when the world doesn’t cooperate with your expectations. When you’re constantly disappointed, you’re also constantly stressed about the results you’re getting.
2. I’ll be more likable/lovable/desirable when I do/have/am X
Deep down, this means the person wants freedom from rejection or hurt. But it’s another one of those externally focused expectations that will lead to disappointment. Defining your value or success based on others’ feelings or reactions puts you on a rollercoaster.
3. I’ll finally “feel legit” when I achieve X
Expecting to cross some imaginary boundary where you suddenly have the right amount of credibility isn’t realistic. When you’re providing value, people want what you have to offer. If you’re delivering a service or a product and people are smiling, then you’re as legit as you need to be. When you’re constantly evolving and improving, you’ll keep learning and getting better, and that’s the best you can do.
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4. I’ll finally have lots of free time when I achieve X
Let’s get real. What does free time really look like to you? You’re a high-achieving, ambitious woman with extraordinary goals. Do you truly want free time, or do you want the authority to do what you want with your time? Even if you had free time, how long would it last before you put it toward your goals? All your time should be working to bring you something — even relaxation isn’t really free time. It’s still serving you.
5. Things will be perfectly clear when I achieve X — I’ll know exactly what I need to do all the time
Clarity comes from knowing what you want and understanding what you need to do to have it. But expecting pure clarity no matter what is unrealistic. You will still have to think your way through problems and challenges (and remember — when you shift your mindset, you might actually start to like this!). You might get blindsided by unexpected events and reactions from others. That’s how life works. If you think your life isn’t working because you’re not sure what to do, you’re being unfair to yourself.
6. When I achieve X, I’ll have so much money in my bank account
This is like the “lots of free time” idea. When you have goals, your money should be working toward those. Often, that means it’s not in your bank account (so, remember, the amount in the bank account doesn’t tell the whole story) but invested elsewhere — for instance, in your business to hire new team members or to buy new equipment. If you have a lot of money in your bank account because you’re not doing anything with it to further your success, after a while, you’re not going to have any money because you’re also not going to have success.
7. Once I get to “that place,” then I’ll be able to hire more people, and everything will be great
Really? What is this mythical place you speak of? And what magical creatures will you be hiring that will make your life suddenly so much easier? Remember: Hiring people adds another layer of complexity. They’ll expand your capabilities, but they won’t necessarily make your life easier. You’ll have a whole new set of lessons to learn and challenges to face in managing them.
Experience a different world
When my clients come to me with a problem or challenge and comment on how hard it is, I’m always secretly a little excited for them because I know they’re going to get to do some work to free themselves from the burden they are carrying around unnecessarily.
And once they tackle the problem and start living up to their potential and creating what they want, every other part of their lives will be easier.
Here’s the secret: it doesn’t get easier because the challenges go away.
It gets easier because doing this work will cause you to experience the world differently. It will cause you to experience yourself differently. It will help you gain confidence. You’ll learn to create anything you choose to, differently.
It’s work that’s totally worth doing.
Think bigger: the horizon is full of new destinations
Anything can move from feeling impossible or out of reach to feeling inevitable and your reality. It’s a matter of changing your thinking and shifting from the “no way” constricting/restricting to the “of course” curious/freeing approach in life.
This transformation is exactly what I teach you how to achieve in my book, She Thinks Big: The Entrepreneurial Woman’s Guide to Moving Past the Messy Middle and into the Extraordinary.
Invest in the Future You and start embodying a Big Thinking mindset so you can implement a whole-life approach to growing your business while finding more peace in your personal life!
For MUST-HAVE planning tools that work seamlessly with the book to help you stop overthinking and make confident, quick decisions to get what you want — every single time, download my Think Big Toolkit. (I couldn’t fit everything in the book!)
