48: Commitment vs. Attachment

Andrea Liebross |

www.andrealiebross.com |

Episode 48

Speaker1: [00:00:09] You're listening to the Time to Level Up podcast. I'm your host, business life coach Andrea Libros. I help women in business commit to their own growth personally and professionally. Each week, I'll bring you strategies to help you think clearly gain confidence. Make your time productive. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity. And finally overcome the overwhelm so that you can make money and manage life. Let's create a plan so you have a profitable business, successful career. And best of all. Live with unapologetic ambition. Are you ready to drop the drama and figure out the how in order to reach your goals? You're in the right place. It's time to level up.

[00:00:57] Let's do this.

Speaker2: [00:01:06] Hello, my friends, and welcome to the time to Level Up podcast episode Forty Eight. Although it's actually probably episode fifty six because I recorded a bunch of bonus episodes anyway, today we are going to talk about commitment versus attachment, so I am not attached to the number of podcasts that I have created, but I am committed to creating them. How's that for a segue? So this topic of commitment versus attachment, I started thinking about this this past month because in my committed to growth group, we've been doing a lot of work around time and how you use your time and how you plan your time and how sometimes we feel like we're so busy. And what does that really mean? Does that mean we're important? And then if we try to take ourselves out of the busy and we focus on what we really want to get done, we can get sucked into being attached to the results anyway. See, this is how my brain works, it kind of goes down little rabbit holes, thinking about you guys and thinking about what's really holding you back from upgrading your life and business. So today, let's talk about commitment versus attachment, and I'm going to start by talking about attachment. Hey. So when we are attached to something. Or attached to an outcome. Really, what that is all about is that something has to happen in order for me to feel good because remember everything we do or don't do.

Speaker2: [00:02:51] Is based off of how we feel. Ok, so attachment. I would like to say is a negative dependance on a result. Or how something shows up in the world in order to feel good. Ok, so let me give you an example. An example might be. That if the fact is you want to earn X number of dollars this week or this month. Your thought might be I have to sign a client, get a raise, find the work today or else I will not be OK. And this happens to a lot of my clients who have businesses. Ok, whatever that fact is. All right, that they say, I have to X. Ok, I have to X the X is usually what they would put in the circumstance line or the fact. So then the thought is, I have to do this, and then they start to feel desperate. What happens out of all of that is they start to attach their feelings. The feeling they want, which is to feel better to the outcome and they rush to create the results, they rush through the actions, they rush through a consult. They rush the client in making a decision. They rush the human resources person and working through the interview process and they try to force an outcome. And they tell you why it has to happen versus showing you what the benefit could be from it happening.

Speaker2: [00:05:01] Ok. And what is the most I think easiest thing to take from this is that we start to look outside of ourselves. For the reward for the assurance. Ok, we start to look for external validation to help create those feelings that we want, and we believe that things are just out of our control. We cannot control the outcome. We cannot control whether or not someone says, yes, we cannot control whether or not someone offers you something. We cannot control what the coach does or doesn't do. We cannot control how many people see what we're doing or recognize our value. And after all of that, if you are attached to the outcome, I am going to guarantee that you are not OK, you're not OK, you're not feeling great. Ok. Because our thoughts, I have to influence every action that we take. And if you're thinking from a place of attachment, I have to do this today for it to be OK. It creates desperation, even if it's kind of true. Ok. You will attach your feelings to the outcome and if you attach your feelings to the outcome. This is kind of unhealthy. It's an unhealthy relationship. For you with yourself. Now, the only way I'm going to tell you that you can create the result you're looking for is to detach yourself from the feelings and have the ability to feel however you want to feel.

Speaker2: [00:06:53] Right now, even without having that result created, so that means you have to go internally to create your feeling because the result may or may not be there. And the more you become in tune with the way you feel and this kind of goes back to the episode I did two weeks ago about buffering the way the more you become attached, I realize rather the way you feel. The more fun you're going to have, the more you're going to realize things are simple and doable, but when you feel desperate and you think they're not doable and you rush everything and you make things complicated, you use that expression. Let's throw some spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks or what bites and you're hoping. All of that is coming from attached energy, not committed energy. And that we're hoping. That's why I don't really love that word hoping or that feeling of hope, because it's not signaling any committed energy or any commitment. Ok. Also, think about when you're desperate or you're attached to something happening, you force it. You try to tell people what will what they'll get versus showing them. In your brain thinks that it's really satisfying to go look for other ideas from other people, how did they do it? Because that's the best be the way to do it.

Speaker2: [00:08:34] They look happy, so let's do whatever they did. I want because they look happy and I want to be happy like them. Right, so you're looking for X to make Y happen. But I want you to hold the possibility that Y can happen without X. And that comes back to commitments. So here's my definition of commitment commitment. Is a positive or healthy pledge to take action? To create a result and till the result is created, no matter what occurs outside of you, no matter. Time, money, what other people think. Ok. You are committed. To taking the action to working through things, you're committed to the process of creating. The result, as long as it takes, as long as the process needs to be there. All right, so if you said I want to create X number of dollars today. Ok. And you start to think about the fact that this is who you are. You are the person who creates this kind of thing today. Then you're committed. The feeling is commitment, it's not attachment. And you start to focus on serving every person that comes across your path. You start putting things into the value bank. You create opportunities for yourself. You take massive action, not passive action. Right, you have fun with things. You evaluate the failures, OK, and then you hone your process.

Speaker2: [00:10:29] You don't throw it out the window. And you give without being attached to the result. And you don't abandon your commitment. And I will bet that the result of all of that is that you do create what you're looking for because committed doesn't feel desperate. Committed feels calm. It's the opposite of rushed, committed feels compelled. I often use the analogy if I have the cure for cancer. I would be out there on the corner shouting with the cure for cancer, it would be I would want everybody to know I'm committed that everybody needs to know this. So like with coaching, I mean, I am committed to the thought that my one of my coaches had Stacy Bayman. That coaching is the cure for a human emotional suffering. And I take massive production, productive actions throughout my day. To share coaching principles. Ok. So I give. I get committed. Versus being attached. So give and get committed versus being attached, give to the value bank, serve without attachment, and you don't abandon your commitment even if you don't get it. Until you do, you're sticking it out. Until. It arrives, and sticking it out even feels a little desperate, I don't know if I'd even say that. Ok. You're probably committed that there are lots of ways to do something versus attached to one way or the right way. So you're attached as like attached is I have to get organized versus I'm committed to getting organized.

Speaker2: [00:12:36] All right. So this is not a free pass to not do things to like, Oh, I'm going to work on this forever and ever. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that you're willing to continue to work through it. Ok, so here's here's something that's kind of kind of an analogy, OK? When someone starts a business? Ok. And they start putting value out there. We may be judgmental and look from the outside and think, well, that doesn't look like it's that successful and really putting all this effort out there and no one's showing up. They're not making money. Wow, I don't know how do they keep going? Ok, but if you think about that business owner, they've declared what they want to do. They are acting boldly and getting a result. Now the result may not be what we consider amazing. Ok. And we might be questioning why they're not, why they're not giving up, but the only reason they would give up is if they too were attached to the definition of amazing and they were letting the poor turnout or the bank balance, letting that determine how they felt or how they were going to move forward. So with attachment, we let the results determine our feelings and our future actions. But if they are committed to growing a business into serving others and to helping others, then they're not looking necessarily or not creating making the bank balance mean anything.

Speaker2: [00:14:23] They're not looking at it every day. Ok. They are not worrying about how many clients they have each day. Ok, because they are committed to working at it for as long as it takes, and they know that right now, they can feel amazing independent of the results that they're getting. So they too have declared that they're starting a business. They too are acting boldly and getting results, but they are not making the results mean. Anything and they are not letting the results. Impact or influence how they are feeling, they are choosing freely. How to show up in the world. Ok. So setting your perspective on commitment really ensures that regardless of how the results of your endeavors manifest, you will persist and you'll create the future based on all the wisdom that you've gained in your previous efforts. Ok. And to be successful, it's not important that everything you do is a success, only that you're continuing to do it. Because if you are committed to being successful and relinquish your attachment to the outcome. You will achieve success regardless of how it shows up in the world. Great leaders are not defining their success in terms of the external result of their effort because they know their commitment to the effort is what counts most and they they let go of being attached even as they are in the process of pursuing them.

Speaker2: [00:16:18] They're not looking at their bank book every day. Ok. And in doing so, they're learning lessons that no matter what actually happens, they are going to use what they have learned in the process. To create amazingness in the future. Ok, so commitment really allows you to define the success of any endeavor in terms of the experience you seek to create for yourself, it allows you to enjoy the process. It allows you to be the way you want to be. It gives you the freedom to take actions and and see what comes of it and move on. It's kind of like a high value cycle, what I call a high value cycle. You like you coach, you declare what you're going to do. You act boldly, you put it out in the world, you evaluate it and you hone it and then you do that again versus evaluating what you did in the world and throwing it out the window. Ok. So when you become attached to the outcome. You become vulnerable to what others perceive as success, and you get bogged down in their judgments. Ok, in the world does not show up with the results we want all the time. And if you're attached to that outcome, you may see your effort of failure.

Speaker2: [00:17:44] When actually there's so many successes within it. So here's what I want you to do. This is your homework. Commit yourself completely to whatever. Calling you choose. Live fully, live full out to achieve it. Take what comes of it and move on. Trust the universe. And focus on your commitment in order to succeed every single time. Why? Why am I telling you this? Understanding the commitment versus attachment concept is going to serve you personally, and it's going to serve you professionally as a leader in really understanding this concept makes success possible. Even when the world delivers what to the outside eye might appear as a failure. So what are you what's your calling? What is commitment look like to you? Or are you attached? Ok. My friends, that is what I have for today. This committed concept is so much a part of upgrading your life and getting to that next level. And I find that people that say no to most things coaching included are very, very, very much attached to the outcome. They see that it must look like a certain way, and they're not necessarily committed to the process. What makes a really good client or customer, I think for all businesses or when that client or customer is committed to the process. They're committed to the process of getting what they want, whether that's a product or a service or a feeling or a transformation, whatever it is.

Speaker2: [00:19:55] So commit. You were in this life together. Don't get bogged down by other people's judgments. Look inside yourself to create the feeling you want right now. In order to get the outcome you want. All right. If you enjoyed this episode, please go share it. Take a screenshot, share it. Tag me. I would love to connect with your people, and I would love to connect with you. I'm always available, set up a call with me, direct message me. Let's chat about you permitting. All right. Have a great rest of your day. See you next week. Thanks for listening to the Time to Level Up podcast with me, your host, Andrea Libros. If you know someone who could benefit from listening to this episode, I encourage you to take a screenshot and share it with them. Ok, now what about you? You've listened to the podcast, and if you now know that you're ready to upgrade your life, upgrade your business, upgrade, you then stop being only a listener and start being a liver living that upgraded life. Head over to my website and schedule a call right there on that call. We'll start changing the way you think and act so that you can have the freedom to achieve the impossible in life and business and have the resources to do it. You deserve an upgrade. Let's do it.